Is this a good approach?

Question

My friend was complaining that her MIL never visit her until she invites her over. He MIL will not even tell her what to do until she asks her. She was telling me that it makes her feel very worth less that her MIL will only come see her when she invites her to the dinner or tea or lunch etc. She was not happy with this arrangement. She says that this approach is way too formal. She says that it seems like that her MIL feels she is superior to everyone and everyone has to invite her over to her place unless she won't come even for a year. I also thought that it is a bit too much given the fact that she can come see them and her grandkid. My friend has to go see her in laws every week cuz her husbands wants this.
any opinion.

One more thing I would like to add here is that her husband tell her that they should first deal with their business first like do things that are related to them and then afterwards make some time may be for 2 3 hrs to go see her. Her husband says that this is some thing he wants. I dunno. Her MIL brings her very good gifts when she goes on vacation etc. She got her a nice jewellery as well and clothes also.

Answer 1

She should thank her lucky stars it could always be the other way! It appears that this woman is very private so let her have her way. I know a MIL that doesn't know her boundaries at all comes and goes as she pleases no matter if this couple has visiters, doesn't know when to leave, butts into their business. My goodness, tell her to count her blessings! Why look for trouble?

Answer 2

The next time her husband wants to go over to see his mom, she can say she has other things to do or does not feel well at all. Let him go by himself. You never did say anything about her having him go over to see her mom or not-assuming she is still alive or they even keep contact.
Now, this is what I am thinking. If she never always have to invite her MIL over or else she won't come over, what is the problem? Is your friend trying to say that she is welcome to come over without being invited? Because, I think that is great. There are some MILs who always comes over when they weren't invited and are all up in their business. That is really sad. Now, if the MIL acts like this, then we both kow that she is petty. She will be the one missing out on her grandkids.
So, tell your friend this. Tell her that if she wants to come over to see you or the grandkids, she is happy too. You are not going to call and ASK for her to see her own children/grandchildren. If she gives you a problem, well, there is a thing called SEPERATION. Your husband heard of that word, right? Well, remind your husband that if she wants to come over, that is fine. If not, that is fine with you. But, you are not going to go there every weekend to see her when she can do the same for you two. And if he is going to be on her side, well, I suggest you take the couch or sleep in a guest room or in one of your kids rooms. Make him understand that you are his wife, and that even though that is his mother, he has to show some type of humility.

Answer 3

Her mother in law probably doesn't want to intrude on her privacy. She should thank her lucky stars! I would hate it if people continuously dropped in on me and gave me unsolicited advice and comments. Not everyones family has the same dynamics. She should tell her MIL that she is welcome to come by any time. I also will not go to anyones house unless I am invited. It is just good manners.

Answer 4

She doesn't have to deal with her MIL and she's complaining?! Are you kidding? She's the luckiest woman in the world!

Sounds to me like the MIL just doesn't want to seem meddling. Your friend has read WAY too much into this.

Answer 5

Most people would probably be overjoyed with their M-I-L not coming over unless invited----