My fiance's dad told him they weren't "impressed" with my mom, should I care?

Question

Our engagement party was sunday. Last night on messenger his dad said "britt's mom didn't impress us, she has a shi**y demeanor and attitude. we liked the rest of the family". Later on he called her a basket case.

My mom didn't make much conversation at the party, and his dad also noticed I didn't talk to her (mad at her).

Yesterday I read my moms archive on yahoo. She told people she missed my dad and he should've been there, he died in febuary. She also said she woke up that day wanting to puke at the idea of me finally getting married.

**He called her a basket case because my fiance told him she was depressed about my dad.

Answer 1

No. Don't let this turn into a big deal. After all, his parents are adults and free to have their own opinion about people. Just like your parents. The only connection these two families have is through you and your fiance. They don't have to be friends. They rarely have to even associate.

Now if his parents start to cause problems saying he shouldn't marry you or they attack your parents in front of you--then you have cause for concern.

But if he said to his son that your mother didn't impress him...well thats just his opinion. Don't let it come between you and your groom-to-be.

Answer 2

Wow, I'd be pissed at my future in laws. I think they really should have kept their opinions more private. Plus, it seems that the reason your mother was acting like this is b/c of your father's death. That is completely understandable. The first year after someone passes is the most difficult. Every holiday, family gathering, birthday, even season, vacation, food or whatever; will remind someone of that person. It's very hard.

You're mom was probably distraught for a number of reasons. One, your father and her husband was not at the party. I would be upset too. This is an important event in your life and he's not there. The same for the whole idea of getting married and planning a wedding. He's not present for that either.

I think your fiance did the right thing to tell your in laws that your mother was depressed because of the death. The reason is perfectly understandable. They seem like insensitive and cold people.

Answer 3

It is so difficult for me to realize that people write and tell their thoughts and feelings to others like this. I mean these things should remain private. You and your fiance are way too involved with parents and if you want to make it on your own you need to be polite and diplomatic but do NOT discuss all the above. If you continue this way your marriage will not last. Of course we all have sympathy for your mother but if she cannot talk, she should stay home and everyone would understand. Your fiances fathers statement is shocking. Was it solicited by your fiance? Gee Im sad after reading that and I hope you can effect a major change in communicative behavior. Best wishes

Answer 4

To be quite honest, I don't think your fiance's family is sympathetic and their remarks toward your Mother who is still depressed over your father's death seem very heartless in their attitude toward your Mother. They should have spoken to hermore, made her feel more at home and be more understanding. I just hope that your fiance's parents stay out of your private life after you are married, otherwise there are going to be problems if they throw around unkindly comments to anyone they don't approve of. So, if I were you, I would indicate to your fiance that you didn't appreciate his parents comments about your mother and that you felt that his family was way too critical toward your mother. Your Mother also is going through the empty nest syndrome and with the loss of your Dad, it is overwhelming, so her demeanor right now is showing pain. So that is what I advise. Let them know how you feel, and maybe after that they will keep their comments to themselves.

Answer 5

You're not marrying his dad, but be careful. If he is like his father, things may become rough after marriage. His father is ****** up. I would plan on ignoring him as much as possible. Your mother did nothing to be talked about in such a way. My advice for you is to be there for your mom. She needs you. Also, stay away from the fiance's dad. and make sure this is the family you want to marry into. Once you get married, you can't always stay away from the in-laws. They will be around more than you want.

Answer 6

I say that you should probably have your fiance talk to his dad and tell him that those comments hurt your feelings. He should lay off then and your fiance won't get mad because you aren't telling him in an offensive way. As far as your in laws and their real feelings towards your mom (or vice versa) who cares what their real feelings are towards each other? They aren't the ones getting married! As long as they are polite to each other the 3 or 4 times a year they actually see each other it's all good. It will be OK, I'm sure. Don't stress it.

Answer 7

Your fiance's dad is an insensitive verbally abusive jerk. The question is, how does your husband handle this?

* Does he speak up and tell his father those comments are inappropriate?
* Does he do nothing?
* Will he come to your defense should his father be rude to you?
* Does he take after his father in this respect?

If your fiance appropriately handles his father's rudeness, you have much less to worry about than if he lets his father get away with it. Also, should you have children, you could have a problem on your hands with this man as their grandfather.

Answer 8

Oh, I am so sorry for you :(

Okay, I admit it sounds a bit strange that she had written that she wanted to puke at the idea of you "finally getting married". That sounded very rude. Maybe she has her reasons, maybe
she was extremely depressed.

BUT..that your fiancée`s dad is downright NASTY! It has only been a few months since your dad passed away..and it is no wonders she is still down and depressed. And calling her a basketcase because of this...I cannot believe it. That is so insensitive. I would tell him this.

Good luck with your marriage. And remember; you don`t have to spend much time with those nasty people.

Answer 9

Wow. How awful for your mom. It seems your fiance's family isn't very sympathetic to her situation. I'd have my fiance explain to his parents that she was feeling blue, and it was out of character because at this particular time in her daughter's life, she was wishing she could share it with her husband. She probably shouldn't have left out the "wanting to puke" bit, but she's sad right now.

Good luck with everything.

Answer 10

I would be extremely offended if my fiance's dad said that about my mom. He has no right to say those things. I hope your fiance stood up for you and your mom and put his foot down to his father's awful attitude!!!! That is not right at all. He may have those thoughts, but he should have never said anything to anyone. Those are thoughts better kept to yourself.
I am so sorry that you had to see these things that your future father-in-law said. Its not fair and until he's had to go through what your mother has gone through he has NO RIGHT to say anything about her.
Maybe you should mention to him how you saw these things that he said and it hurt your feelings. Make him feel bad! He should!!!

Answer 11

Your fiances dad needs to grow up and be an adult. How can he judge her when he has no idea what she is going through!!! What a jerk. But what it really boils down to is the love that you and your fiance feel for each other. His dad's opinion of your mom doesn't really matter. Hes not marrying your mom. Good luck & congrats!!!