in your opinion whos fault is it?

Question

my mom kept going on about how rude it is to be selfish and she was raising her voice about it and i said "well i didnt do that" then she said i was getting hyper and started yelling at me and said i have been havin an attitude lately which is always just little things that she brings out to be bigger than what it is. i am a good kid 14 i get good grades i help out around the house im nice and i already have a job. what is the problem? Thank you!

Answer 1

it seem to me that you are a very responsible person.Its very good that you are doing so well.

well the fact that at your age you already have a job and is doing so well could spell problems. I am not saying that your mom is jealous of you but listen to this..

first one is that you might be less dependent on your mom thus causing her to believe that you don't need her. You help out yes , but do you act like you need her help?

Second, you might come across as being too independent to the point that you do not ask any questions anymore such as, is it OK to buy this bag? etc. That can be very disrespectful to a parent as they need to know that they are included in decisions that their children makes.

Third, it is quite possible that your mom is stressed out and just needs a break from things. Try taking her out to somewhere nice or cook her a nice meal- breakfast in bed would be great!

Moms need their children to actually need them to feel worthwhile. so try to include her more in your life and be a little less independent OK. Then she wont feel like shes losing control of everything.

The fact is that she might be scared that you are growing up so fast. She needs to know that you will be there for her even when things are not going as smooth as they should.
all the best

Answer 2

Even the most 'perfect' of children have an 'attitude' ... and I think that it's your attitude that is setting your mom off ... and I'm not saying that your attitude is 'bad' or 'good' ... only that it's setting your mom 'off' ... so go to her and ask her in a 'quite, MEEK, polite voice' to TELL YOU CLEARLY what about your attitude she doesn't like, and then to tell you 'how you need to change' so that you can get along better.
NOTHING MAY CHANGE, but at least you will have tried. If you don't 'succeed' the first time, ask her the SAME question every time she 'goes off' until you do get a 'good answer' that BOTH of you can live with. Be quiet, be respectful, and act humbly ... and she should start 'yelling less and having good talks more' with you. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

Good things don't always cancel bad things. High marks in school and cleaning are great, but don't mean you get to act rude and have an attitude; you still need to be polite and respectful. It sounds like your mother is not setting a good example by yelling though. You two need to have a calm talk about your differences and work things out more cooperatively. When you're older you will understand the pressures and stresses of adulthood, unfortunately we also tend to forget the emotions of being a 14 year old... so adults and kids are bound to butt heads quite often.

Answer 4

There's obviously something that's bugging your mom. You might wait until she's calmed down and then go talk to her. Make sure you take the attitude of "I'm here to listen and make it better". Bend over backward to let her know that you want to figure it out. No matter what, keep in mind that you're trying to act like an adult and settle your differences.

When she sees that you're calm and really wanting to listen, hopefully she can discuss it with you without raising her voice.

Try this communication model to make sure you both understand each other:
Mom: It makes me really mad when you start giving me attitude.
You: I'm sorry it makes you mad, Mom, when I give you attitude. (Repeating her concern.) What can I do to make it better? (Asking for a solution.)
Mom: You can quit giving me attitude.
You: I don't mean to give you attitude. (Repeating her concern.) Can you give me some suggestions for better responses? (Asking for a solution.)
Mom: Instead of arguing with me, just do what I say.
You: Okay. The next time you ask me to do something, I promise to just do it right away. (Repeating her answer.) How else can I help? (Asking for a solution.)

You get the idea. This turns it into an adult discussion and exchange of ideas, rather than a screaming match. This is the same communication model that counselors teach to married couples. You can also try this one:

When you (problem behavior), I feel (your response). What I'd really like you to do is (comfortable behavior) so I can (comfortable response).

In your situation it would be: Mom, when you raise your voice at me and tell me I'm giving you attitude, it makes me feel defensive, like I don't want to listen. What I need you to do is tell me exactly what I'm doing that is annoying so I can change my behavior.

Remember to end these discussions with a hug!

You sound like a really great and responsible kid, so you should be able to use these adult methods of communication.

And cut your mom a little slack. You're only 14 and acting like an adult, her little baby is growing up really fast! That's never comfortable for a mom, help her get over it. (That's what the hugs are for.)

Answer 5

I hate to say it, but you really don't provide enough information to really answer this question. You give us one side of one argument, and that is it. What was the argument about? What started the argument? What else did she say? Is she always like this? Is she on medication? Is she having marriage problems? Is she stressed out? Have YOU been stressed out? How have you been getting along lately otherwise? Were you REALLY being calm and not raising YOUR voice? Based on what you provide, I would venture to agree that it was your mom's fault, but I think there is a lot of missing information here. What is the problem? I think you'd better discuss it with her, and perhaps other people who know you both well. Good luck!

Answer 6

You are not going to like my answer but here it is. She is your Mom she has had to clean up after you and feed you and cloth you for 14 years now, and most likely all she is looking for is some respect. At 14 you are going to fight with your Mom a lot, teenagers are the worst behaved humans on the planet. Trust me its true and you will agree in 10-15 years. You feel like you are capable of making your own decisions and that you are grown up now. That is normal as we all felt that way. Your mom knows differently and is probably trying to help you. Try to just respect your Mother even if she has had a bad day and is in the wrong. Sometimes you might be right in an arguement, but think about all that she has had to go through for you and just be gracious. Good luck.

Answer 7

The problem is, your mom's eccentricities are amplified by your being a fourteen year-old girl. She may seem ridiculous (and by all rights, she may in fact be, a bit), but to her, you're the one who's out of line. It's tough for older folk (especially the 'rents) to understand what it's like to voluntarily be locked in a building where everyone your age is pretty much completely out of their minds, every dude you meet wants to jump in your pants, your teachers and guidance counselors are all trying to cram the same B.S. diatribes that got them into those jobs in the first place, down your throat, and it feels like everything you want to do is a million years from now.

Then, after dealing with this madness for upwards of seven hours, you come home the 'rents remind you that these are the best times of your lives. No doubt you feel like spoutin' off at your mom for being hypocritical. The reality is, though, you have to pick your battles carefully, and remember you have to deal with these lunatics for at least another year, and possibly four.

Just know that there is some fun to be had. Don't give in to peer pressure, and cut loose at your senior prom. That's kind of the best advice I can give you in that regard.

Answer 8

Princess, it's so not you!! Mothers are a difficult breed to deal with - and yes I am one. My daughter is 2 and I am striving to NOT be like my mom. If you know her feelings are not justified, let her get it out of her system and don't fight back. Just be mindful in the future. This is a hard lesson to learn at a young age. Are your parents together or is it just you and your mom? Is she a working woman? Could there be other external forces that is manifesting out to you? Just keep your head, keep the grades up and concentrate on college. These are the years they look at, not the junior and senior ones. Be safe and take care of you!

Answer 9

I consider there may be adequate blame to move round. Granted, David Lloyd George went too some distance with appeasement, however the allies helped create the atmosphere which allowed any one like Hitler to take over. The Treay of Versailles dumped the entire expenses of WWI on Germany, although they weren't the long-established aggressors (Austria-Hungary firstly went to battle with Serbia, Germany subsidized them, and so on.). The expenses bankrupted the nation, making the persons so determined that they could concentrate to any individual who promised them a higher existence, and who made them believe proud once more, it doesn't matter what else he did. Finally, of direction Hitler used to be the superb purpose--he annexed the Sudetenland, shaped the angschluss with Austria, and invaded Poland--any of those could were provocation for battle.

Answer 10

maybe your mom just had PMS???

um, it's hardly ever our faults, but if you describe yourself, you're bound to be biased, and so is your mom if we hear it from her. You need a jury, here, please. Not enough info, and the question is one-sided. Moms just yell, that's what they do. They always falsely accuse. But treasure her, cause you don't know how lucky you are. Shut up and be a good girl. (even if you already are. Just comply with whatever they say, even if it's totally irrelevant, it shuts them up faster than arguing, and then you have the satisfaction of being the "Better Person")