My guy friend is getting married in 2 months, and his fiancee is getting carried away!?

Question

I am not that close with the guy, we have been friends since high school through a group of 6 people, and I see him maybe 4 times a year. The wedding is in October, and first, they had an engagement party last year which they registered for. Strange, but I bought them a present for that. Now, his fiancee invited me to her bridal shower, and enclosed 2 registries. So am I supposed to buy her a bridal shower gift AND a wedding gift? Isn't it a bit much to ask for 3 gifts for one occasion? What can I do, so that I don't look cheap or like a bad friend, but also don't spend my entire monthly income on this one wedding?

Answer 1

I always purchase something off of the registry for the shower and give cash at the wedding. If you are not that close to them, then I would not attend the shower, but if you are planning to attend the wedding, don't skimp on the wedding gift!

For the wedding, I always give enough to cover myself and whomever I bring with me. So, if it is a buffet, I give $50 per person. A seated dinner, I give $100 per person. I am there because I want to share the day with them, not be an expense.

If you elect to not actually attend the wedding, then I would send something nice off of the registry to them.

Answer 2

What you described is the norm for newly engaged couples. Personally, I think an engagement party is ridiculous and just another ploy for more gifts, which is why I didn't have one when I got engaged.

You're not that close to the guy so I'm assuming you're even less friendly with his fiancee. Why would you even want to go to the shower? Will you even know anyone there? It is propper for you to be invited to the shower if you are being invited to the wedding. You don't have to go though. If you do, yes, you need to bring a gift. People are saying it is tacky that a registry was included. Not so, this is the norm. Much easier to buy from a registry and this way the new couple gets stuck with less duplicate gifts.

Personally, I always give a gift from the registry for the shower and cash for the wedding. If you go, give what you can afford. Weddings are an expensive event (for both the couple getting married and the people they invite)!

Answer 3

If you attend the shower, then yes, you should bring a gift. The purpose of that is to "Shower the bride with gifts". You could always go in on a gift with some other friends so it wouldn't cost too much. I've done that before. Also, if you feel that money is to tight, politely decline the shower invitation. There's nothing wrong with that.

I think you should give a gift at the wedding as well. I know it's not "expected" but that would be nice to do.

It seems like the events have been pretty spaced out. Just remember you don't have to give an extravagent gift! Pick something less expensive off the registry.


PS IT's not rude to include where you're registered for the shower! That's the whole point of having a shower. Yes it is rude to include that in the wedding invitation, which u probably haven't received yet.

Answer 4

Actually - there is no requirement to bring a gift to a wedding. The only time you are required to bring a gift is to a bridal shower - if you attend. Chances are, she is inviting you because she is trying to be nice and not leave you out. Just politely decline the shower invitation and bring a nice gift to the wedding instead - or don't bring a gift to the wedding.

And yes, most brides have an engagement party, a bridal shower and a wedding:) In fact, some brides have 2 or 3 showers but usually with different guest lists (his family, her family, work, friends, etc). It all depends on who decides to throw her one:)

Answer 5

You do not go to the shower. Honestly what most people do is they figure out how much they want to spend and divide it between the shower and the wedding.

A lot of my parents friends were coming to the shower but unable to come to the wedding so they brought the gift to the shower.

A lot of people brought me a gift to the shower and that was the wedding gift. They didn't bring an additional gift. Several people brought gifts to each. Brides don't judge you based on number of gifts received.

It is completely up to you. There is no minimum gift required to give a friend. You give whatever you can afford. You don't have to give a gift. I had several showers--one from my husbands side of the family and one from mine in the city they live in. I invited my bridal party to all of them b/c that is the polite thing to do but I did not expect them to drive to all of them. Just that they had the dates--so they could attend whichever one suited their schedule better.

More than likely your friend just thinks it is polite that you be invited but he really doesn't even expect you to show. However you could just go get a couple small items off the registry if you wish. Wrap up a few of the less than $3 items that won't blow your budget. Or give your gift at the shower and not have to take it to the wedding. Don't worry about if you have spent enough.

Answer 6

I've never ever heard of an engagement party where the couple registered. Tacky.

Also, I am starting to realize it's different in other places, but where I come from, wedding gifts and wedding shower gifts are the same thing. You get someone a wedding gift and if you go to the shower, you bring it with you. If you don't go to the shower, you bring it to the wedding. Or you send it along.

Having two registries is normal. I know a LOT of people who will register for every day stuff at places like Target, then will register for nice china and crystal, or something like that, at Dillards or other fancier stores.

Answer 7

Yes, you buy both a shower gift and a wedding gift. Engagement gifts are NOT required. You should have known the wedding was coming, and had budgeted for it. It was rude of her to include the registries, and you don't have to buy from the registry - we never do. Just choose a lovely wedding gift, and something more modest for the shower.

Answer 8

I'm not sure where you're from, but what you just described is very common where i live. i had an engagement party and everyone bought us gifts (except the best man, which was weird). theknot.com suggests registering for a few things before the engagement party so people know what to buy if they want to go with that. many people just have us money though, and it was a nice jump start to our wedding planning, as it paid for the deposits for our vendors. registering at 2 places is also common, especially if they both serve two different functions. i registered at bed bath and beyond for everything around the house and fortunoff(.com) for my fine china, silverware, bedding, glassware, etc. and at my wedding, i guarantee 100% of guests will bring a gift, 99% of the gifts being money. it's just how things go here in the metro area of ny. weddings costs at the very least 20,000. mine will be about 35,000 for a seated dinner for about 180 people at a country club in long island, ny. i got a nice deal at $75per person b/c i'm getting married in december.

my advice, since your not very close to the bride and groom, you don't need to go crazy with a gift. spend what you can afford, and stick to the registry for easy ideas. good luck!

Answer 9

I think she is jealous of you and it really crazy because that suppose to be your sister and she should be happy for you since you and your husband is doing well. And you would think that your husband and sister would have gotten close because now they both have you. Your sister probably always liked your husband but never said anything to him about it. And now that he married you if she ever thought that she had a chance with him is now over. And plus her husband is probably not doing as much for her and yours is doing for you. It's sad because she shouldn't act that way. May she feel like you change since you moved up it the world meaning new house, car, family. If you still your self then i would give her some space because it can get really ugly and you don't want to be upset while you are pregnant. Or you can just give her a piece of your mind and tell her that you don't like the way she comes at you with nonsense thing. And maybe she'll respond and you can figure out what going on and why she's acting that way but it is jealous all the way.

Answer 10

I think that it's a mistake to bring a gift to the engagement party. It's one of the things that is making being a guest at a wedding ridiculously expensive. I would bring a small gift to the shower, and then get a small wedding gift.