My boyfriend and I recently bought a house together; but ever since, many friends and certain members of his family have been asking "When are you getting married?" and "When do you think you'll have kids?"
We are in our mid-twenties and very happy with the our relationship. We haven't discussed marriage OR children - we are enjoying the status quo. I don't like other people pressing these issues, especially frequently, which some have started to do.
I don't think either issue is anyone's business but ours until we've made future plans and wish to share them. I don't want to offend anyone, especially his family. What is a polite way to deflect questions like this?
2007-07-17 07:09:42 · 10 answers · asked by Jessie 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I hate to break it to you, but you are married, or effectively so, since you have bought a house together. Marriage is at its base a contract; so is co ownership of real estate. And may I add: mazel tov!
Seriously, you are clearly a committed couple, so it's natural for people to want to know your familial plans. Not that it's any of their business, but it goes with the territory (whatever that means).
To those friends you mention, if they bring up marriage, tell them you're enjoying the "status quo," as you say, and will take the future as it comes. Being friends, they should realize that this means "butt out."
Your boyfriend's family you'll have to deal with on a case-by-case basis. He should know which are sincere and which are playing games. Just be a united front. Make it a hobby you can share! For pointers, watch re-runs of "Mad About You."
As for children, what they are really asking about is sex, and that's nobody's business but yours.
A polite way to deflect questions like this? Laugh them off, and change the subject. Because, you see, these aren't really polite questions at all.
2007-07-17 18:08:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try to be vague and impartial.
Say, that you're so happy now enjoying your new house and this beautiful time in your relationship that you're just not thinking about any of those things right now. You're living the moment and when you both think the time's right you will let everybody know. Most importantly, say it politely not like you wanna kill them all.
2007-07-17 14:26:17 · answer #2 · answered by mackenzie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you're just using him for sex.
Really, you've never even discussed the idea of kids? That seems odd that you'd have such a long-term relationship and have no idea where the other person stands on this important issue.
2007-07-17 14:18:27 · answer #3 · answered by mikeburns55 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can tell them that it's not a topic you wish to discuss, then change the subject or walk away.
You could also come up with a quick answer like "Oh, we're just practicing for now", then walk away.
People think they are making conversation, when they are actually just being rude.
2007-07-17 14:14:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell them what you just told us. You are both happy with your relationship now and when you are ready to get married or have children you will let them know. If you tell enough people that it will get around and they will eventually stop asking.
2007-07-17 14:51:25 · answer #5 · answered by Imbue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When it's your parents, tell them that they'll be the first to know if you decide to get married and until then, stop asking. Same with the "kid" question. If they won't quit just tell them that it's putting undo strain on your relationship and to please stop before they cause any harm. After that, a firmly put "We prefer to remain private when it comes to our relationship" should put a damper on their enthusiasm in asking questions that are none of their business.
2007-07-17 14:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"When we're ready. What about this weather we're having?"
In other words, refuse to discuss it.
Your life decisions are yours (and bf's) to make, no one else's.
Don't explain. Just deflect the questions with vague answers, and change the subject.
The more vague your answers, the better.
2007-07-17 16:13:13 · answer #7 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply say we're not thinking about either one of those things yet until we've really come to a stable conclusion. Isn't it usually a surprise when people are engaged, they come out and say "HEY WE'RE ENGAGED?" Leave it at that.
2007-07-17 14:15:00 · answer #8 · answered by Ask Sarah ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say something like "If anything changes, you'll be the first to know!" They can't press about it after you say that, and it isn't rude.
2007-07-17 15:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by Saritah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them you'll do these things when the time is right and people quit putting pressure on the two of you.
2007-07-17 14:14:31 · answer #10 · answered by ilufthemountains 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋