My singing teacher, in an effort to pull me into line one day, told me the following: {see if you agree?}?

Question

She quoted Andrew Carnegie, the American tycoon, as saying that a lady should:

1 never give her opinion
2 play dumb
3 always wear white gloves

I have never been able to catch on to this set. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing?


love
Lakshmi

Answer 1

This is actually good advice for anyone, male or female, looking to make a good impression, or to fit in with most kinds of groups... but you have to look at the spirit of the comments, not the actual wording.

Giving an opinion is socially dangerous. You can come across as argumentative, snotty, condescending, know-it-allish, etc. You also run the risk of unknowingly insulting your host or others by offering an opinion that is contrary to theirs. Responding to other people's opinions is a different story.

Really, it is not so much offering the opinion, it is the WAY it is done.



Most of us need to learn to play dumb. Most of us talk when we should shut up, make up stupid facts on the spot to bolster stupid discussions, and generally put too much effort into impressing those around us with their brains.

Look at your own circle of aquaintances- do you particularly like the group 'know it all', or the one that has to be in on every conversation? how about the folk here who chime in with their 'expertise' on a subject they really don't know much about.

Also look at how many of the world's proverbs preach listening over speaking. "Listen twice, speak once", "Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt", etc.



Wear white gloves basically translates to dressing a bit nicer than is usually necessary because people will indeed judge you by your looks- right or wrong.



Let's put it together. We end up with a decently dressed person who is not aggressive with their opinions, nor trying to impress you with their supposed intellect. 'Quiet dignity' would be one way to sum up the result.

OK, now if this is a wrong way to think, then the opposite should be better, right?

The flip side of this is a person who lets you know their opinion on every issue, tries to impress you with their knowledge, and dresses down. Does THIS sound like a better kind of human being?




Note that Carnegie does not say to not HOLD an opinion, or to BE dumb. In fact, he very much valued good thinking and people with strong opinions and resolve. He basically paraphrased the Bible's recommendation 'to be wise as serpents and as harmless as doves'.

Answer 2

From the get go, bear in mind this was written by a man, so why he is telling us ladys how to behave is slightly beyond but maybe we can re write the rules to our advantage...

1 never give her opinion: hmm... instead of never giving an opinion perhaps showing a bit of passion is a good thing (though swearing and being crude will not help the matter)

2. Play dumb- or have an air of a lady that knows more than she is letting on, a woman of mystery...

3.always wear white gloves: sorry no.justno. maybe they mean have a regal air (not snobbish tho cause thats NeVER been attractive..)

have fun with the new rules.... :)

x x x

Answer 3

That's dumb! What century is she stuck in? The 1800s? I think she meant that she's in charge of your lessons, so 1, you shouldn't argue with her, 2 you shouldn't know anything before her because she's your teacher, and 3 always be properly dressed for your lessons/concerts/etc. I think Andrew Carnegie was a chauvanist and that your teacher is just supporting that behavior. She's totally and completely supporting the patriarchy and the idea that women should be demure, passive slaves dressed like little dolls. Obviously, I think this quote is a bad thing.

Answer 4

Just tell her you'll follow her example since she knows so much about how ladies should act. Does she give her opinion? Does she play dumb? Does she wear white gloves? If she's saying it and not doing it, then she should not be in a role model position. But: sometimes it's better to just let things go. It's not nearly as important to fight back because you're angry than it is to let quirky teachers be wierd and learn some great techniques on vocals!

Answer 5

It was fine in 1850 or so. I think your teacher should be happy to still be alive. This is 2007, you know womens rights, equality and all that are issues now. Play dumb? Never give an opinion? What do you plan to do for a living?
Few would hire a woman adhering to rules like that except a fast food chain or something. And it would be hard to serve burgers in white gloves.
For 2007 here are my rules for ladies.
"Be fair and discrete with others."
"Respect yourself above all others."
"Dress appropriately"
"Undress agreeably under the right circumstances and at that point stop even trying to act like a lady."

Answer 6

I disagree with that on general purpose, though no one doubts that Carnegie was a music lover. I think your teacher was irritated with you when they said that. Perhaps in a social setting where people still feel like they live in the times of Humphrey Bogart you would interact better following that, but I don't think a common statement it works for all situations. What sparked this?

Answer 7

Carnegie was no one's idea of a role model.
I think it's always good advice to let people think you aren't as smart as you are....comes in handy later.
But as for never giving your opinion, actively "playing dumb", or always wearing white gloves? Why would a teacher ever tell you something like that.?

Answer 8

If your singing teacher told you this a hundred years ago and you ascended despite the misogyny rampant then, bully for you Miss. Bully. When a true authority shows them self I stand down graciously. If a temporary authority is making a temporary noise and it serves the balance, playing submissive to gain later advantage is within a Princessa's prerogative. Do not let the arrangement of your plumbing dictate to you where and what you are socially. Have a blessed day.

Answer 9

Sounds like your singing teacher is a little too old fashioned. If she told me this I have to say I would be rather offended. It seems like she still expects women to act as if they are living in the 1800s. I hate to break it to her, but things have changed a bit in the last century.
I think her statement was out of line, but I wouldn't reccomend correcting your teacher. I would just shrug it off and continue living in the way your are. If iit continues to be a problem you may bring it up to the head of her department.

Answer 10

How old is this singing teacher, she sounds like she is out of the end of the 19th century?

Megan B, this is so pre-1950, I think you should take off another 100yrs.

And they named a Hall after this Dude Carnegie????