Religion and relationships. My boyfriend is an atheist, I'm Catholic.?

Question

We aren't kids. We've been dating off-and-on for nearly 2 years. We talk about marriage, but he's adament that he won't get married in a church. He says he doesn't want to have to lie about believing in something that he thinks is wrong. I've assured him that no one will make him do that. I'm not as devout as some people but it's a family tradition and I want to get married in the Church... my church that I have gone to forever and by my priest who is such a cool/ nice guy and friend of the family. My bf recently agreed that getting married by a priest (b/c he's a friend of the family) would be ok, but still no church... I saw that as some progress. I know I should just wait and see how things go with us, but I wondered what other people have done about this.

He says he is ok with children being raised in the church. He was raised in a Prostestant family but chose not to follow through with it. We agree that children benefit from having some sort of religion in their lives, even just from the structure that it provides. We agree that they should be given the option of choosing to follow it or not when they get to an age where they can make that decision.

Answer 1

Although I do believe that some relationships with such differing religious views can make it. . . .obviously it does tend to add some extra dilemmas.

Once you do get past the obstacle of where to get married. . . there will likely be many more to come. If you decide to have children do you raise them Catholic?

My husband and I have similar beliefs but we are still quite different on some views. . .luckily we are able to see each other's side of things and respect our differences.

I have friends who are atheist and sometimes we can have wonderful discussions even about religion. . .but honestly my faith is so important to me that I chose to marry someone who also has faith. I like knowing that when we are going through a difficult time we will pray together.

I am not saying your relationship is doomed, I am just saying there are a lot of things to consider as there are in all relationships. And, it is best to work as much out as you can before you say "I do". Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 2

Marriage is a very serious step. I've been married for 26 years and along the way I have seen marriages self destruct. I can not make this point clear enough, If you have ANY thoughts of a personal relationship with the LORD, deal with THAT first! I'm a man and there is something universal about men that we keep secret from you women. We are sexually driven. I don't care what men tell you that is the bottom line when the smoke clears. Marriage is exciting in the beginning but as the children come and the bills pile up it starts to reveal the WORK side of marriage. Now back to the "man thing". Eventually you won't be able to keep up with his "desire" and if he doesn't have his head on straight he will fall victim to temptation and ruin your marriage. At least if the man has his conscience with you AND towards the LORD he will have more BARRIERS to deal with and may come to his senses before he becomes unfaithful. I pray you will give this careful consideration.~God Bless

Answer 3

This may be just a start of many of your future religious disagreements. If he does not believe in God, then it makes sense that ne would not want to marry in a church. as with you, of course you would. After the wedding, debates may occur about how religiously you will raise the kids, if you will celebrate any religious holidays in the home, etc. These are all things to think about, because down the line, you don't want to be at a crossroads because you just have two totally different beliefs.

But in the end, any marriage, religious or not, is about compromise and selflessness. You'll just have to compromise. If he doesn't mind the priest, then maybe you guys can have the ceremony at a nice hall, or in a fabulously set up back yard. You have options. meet him half way. He seems to be trying to please you by giving in to the priest idea. Now its your turn to compromise a little and meet him the other half!!

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Priests are not allowed to perform marriage rites outside a church without special dispensation from the Bishop...just so you know.

I suggest you get the book "What Catholics Really Believe" and read it together. Perhaps that will help him calm down about your faith enough to agree to be married in the Church. It may also help you sort out what it is about Catholicism that you love and want to share with your children someday.

You may also want to take a class together called RCIA, which will explain Catholicism to your boyfriend in depth. It's usually free and usually meets once a week starting with the school year in the fall. He won't have to commit to Catholicism at the end of it by any means, but it will give him a measure of knowledge that I would hope would ease his mind about your faith.

Answer 5

I am atheist and my boyfriend is Baptist. I feel very strongly about my beliefs and would prefer not to be married in a church. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage quite a bit as well. If he wanted to be married in a church, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't care about any of those typical things like where we get married, how big my ring is, etc. All I care about is marrying the person I think is my soulmate and want to spend the rest of my life with. The rest is just details. I do not feel that being married in a church would compromise my beliefs and if it were important to my future spouse, I would accept and respect it. Likewise, you should respect him as well. I think being married by a priest without being married in a church is an excellent compromise for your situation. I wouldn't push it because it's not worth it. Like I said, the rest is just details.

Answer 6

Ask yourself if it's really important to you to be married in a church because you believe that it's sanctified by God or if it's because of family tradition. He seems to feel very strongly that God isn't needed for a happy marriage. I would suggest getting married outside personally. If you think about it a church is just a building. God doesn't live there. God had nothing overtly to do with it's placement or building. The outside world however was all God's doing. So which is more holy, something built by Man or something built by God? Don't try to pressure him, force him, or demand him to marry you in a church though. If you do that you'll push him away. Let him know how important it is to you and try to understand why he feels the way he feels.

Answer 7

Well this is a hard decision. Because of the 2 diff beliefs there are going to be problems that will arise. Like family gatherings that you might go to that are church centered he will never want to be apart of. Although you know he dosen't believe it will cause a little resentment later on in the marriage. Although you are not marrying him because of your family. Your family will on occassion make remarks about his beliefs, your marriage and how you will raise possible children. My advice would be to really think about this and do what you feel is best for you and your life. Not what your family or friends think. Good Luck!!

Answer 8

No priest, can marry you in a church if your husband does not convert. I believe that is Canon Law, and cannot be altered, just because you are liberal.

Let's pretend you succeed in convincing him of this, then what's the next big argument, how to raise your children, baptismal or no.

Seeing that you state you are liberal, leave it alone. Get married outdoors, and enjoy nature, or choose another venue to have your marriage by a judge.

You will never convert him, and I highly doubt he will allow his children to be indoctrinated into your religion, you are only setting yourself up for more heartache.

If you cannot leave your religion out of your relationship (and obviously you cannot, by your unwillingness to bend), I say get out.

If marriage in a church is not important to you, then why are you pushing it. Tradition is nothing to fight over.

Answer 9

You don't have to go to Church to worship GOD, if that's what he's worried about. Christ not only taught at synagogues, but also outside, in people's homes, etc.

My wife and I have been married for almost six years now. She grew up as a Methodist, and I am a Non-denominational Christian. Like you, her parents were married in their Church, and so were we. I decided to get married in that church to show the world that I love and respected her. I wanted to honor her, not the church, so I lied to the church.

I said what needed to be said, paid lip service to what I needed to pay lip service to, and my wife and I both got what we wanted. Do I believe in my heart what the church wanted me to believe? No, not entirely. Like many Christian faiths, only a portion of their message is biblically accurate. Do I feel guilty about it? No, because I worship GOD, not man-made doctrine. The best part (asides from knowing that I am forgiven): My wife respects what I believe, and doesn't hold it against me.

I am not a Methodist, nor have I ever claimed to be. I am a son of GOD, and a brother of Christ. I worship GOD, not the church.

The way I look at it - Whether you are a Catholic, Protestant, or whatever other sect you can think of, we're all just Christians...We're all just preaching different parts of the same message. My faith is the complete message of Christ.

If your boyfriend wants to honor you, and your family, he can choose to follow my example and do what is required. In the end it will be between him and GOD, so the church and their doctrine doesn't matter.

Thanks and GOD Bless.

Answer 10

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Hello. Well, as a Muslim, I would never want to marry someone who didn't share my religion, to say nothing of someone who didn't even believe in God. I think you are being short-sighted in that you are jeopardizing your own soul by being with someone who is an atheist.

If you really, truly believe in God, your very soul should shrink from giving this "slap in the face" to God. This world is short and it is a testing ground for the real world, the eternal life of the world to come. Do you want to be there? Do you want your life mate to be there? If you really don't have a deep commitment to God then insisting on marriage in the Church for sentimental reasons is meaningless and your boyfriend is right when he doesn't want to partake of that.

Being Catholic, or being a part of any religious faith, carries with it certain duties. You have already broken the Church's law on fornication. I suggest you step back and evaluate your relationship with God before you consider spending the rest of your life with this man. Ultimately, if you believe in God, you will want to spend your life with someone who shares those beliefs and has a chance of being beside you in Paradise.

I pray that Allah guides you to that which is best in this world and the next. Ameen.

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid