I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years (since I was 18) and I have been thinking alot lately about leaving him. He is not a bad guy, he is really sweet and funny, and he is my best friend in the whole world. I really do love him , but I feel like we just don't connect on the level that true love is supposed to . He is not romantic at all. He never wants to have sex, and when we do it is good, but not passionate. He never holds me or touches or caress me. I am the kind of person that needs passion and romance, I just feel like we are good friends. We have been through so much together, and he has never been anything but good to me. Does true passionate love exist? Should I be grateful that I have a man that loves me, won't cheat on me, has a job, and all the basics, or Do you really truely deeply "connect" with your true love? I have been trying to communicate this to him for 6 years, but whenever I bring it up he says "Lets talk about it later" or just acts like I am nagging him.
2007-07-17 04:17:00 · 23 answers · asked by sugarplums 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Even if I am in tears when I talk to him, he just won't realize how important this is to me. It like he can not comprehend it. But he is none the less a really nice guy. We can communicate about anything else perfectly.
2007-07-17 04:18:39 · update #1
he is not 18, he is 27. Im 24
2007-07-17 04:23:12 · update #2
What are you talking about sweetp? I dont want to be a porno star!
2007-07-17 04:25:17 · update #3
Your situation sux but your very young and I assume childless. You will have a problem finding the guy you want to stay passionate over a long relationship. Your too young and there are too many people available to settle at this point. Go out and see what is available. Have fun.
2007-07-17 04:25:37 · answer #1 · answered by scotto destructo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You're like a spitting image of me two years ago. I had the same thing. I was with a guy for 7 years...since I was 17. He was a great person, put a roof over my head, shoveled a path to my car in the winter, and would never cheat...however...the passion fizzled and then faded away. It seemed we became more like best friends rather than two people that were engaged to be married. I got confused about what I wanted and walked away. Yes, I had tried talking to him, but communication was by NO MEANS a strong point for him. He tried so hard to stop me from leaving. Offered to marry me the next day. That's not what I wanted tho. I wanted crazy passion and that spark again. I got another boyfriend...probably too soon...and broke his heart even more. Well...I think about him every...single...day. I have a lump in my throat as I'm typing this. I miss him SO much! I actually just got the courage to call him last night. We talked for a bit...and we may meet for drinks...that would make my year! I've been away from him for a little over two years now and the terrible feeling of homesick won't get out of my stomach. I made a mistake. I miss the comfort, the trust, the safeness and security that our long term relationship had. When the passion fades...and it always will...all that you have left is being each others best friend. That's what makes a perfect marriage. When they say the grass isn't always greener on the other side...they're right. All I'm saying is to please...think long and hard about this. I thought I was settling because there was no passion, but I would get on my knees and beg if I could have the man that loved me so unconditionally back. I'm afraid I will live with this regret for the rest of my life. I'm going to try to get him back tho. =) I think we were made for each other. Take a weekend trip somewhere...try to rekindle that spark. Or just lay in bed and hug him. You'll miss it when it's gone...believe me. Good luck.
2007-07-17 11:29:25 · answer #2 · answered by geminiqtpie22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truely dont know what to say here, I am often feeling the same way. I think that ... no matter what u have u may think u want something diff. I know this may sound dumb but in the movie 'High Fidelity' (as dumb as the movie is) it has a good point. He ends up back w/ the same girl in the end because it is 'good enough' but it actually makes sence. Basically saying there is better out there but this is good. It is confusing but it makes sence. I think u shouldnt settle and if u feel like u are settling then u will never be happy. So I know its hard to let something go that has been in ur life for so long... but sometimes its for the best-- and if ur like me then u know that if u are meant to be, then ull end up back together. Good Luck, hope I helped
2007-07-17 11:27:11 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound to me as though you are settling. I think lots of people want what you have. I know I do, but love is hard and this seems like something that with a short period of counseling could be worked through. You may start out by going alone and then persuade your boyfriend to join you but don't use it as a way of ganging up on him. He sounds like a great man. I'll take a responsible and trusting best friend over passion anyday.
2007-07-17 11:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you're questioning your relationship..obviously there are problems.
Perhaps you should make a clean break from him... Tell him you need to re-evaluate your relationship together..it'll prob be hard for him to hear but if he loves u i'm sure he'll understand...though there's no guarantee he will...he may not want to be just friends.
If you do realise that its more friendship that u both have then..u'll be doing him a favor..as much as it hurts..i think u owe it to urself and him to be true to your feelings..
i think you shldnt settle coz u'll live ur life always wondering abt what ifs..take the time now to find that someone who's right for u..though there are no guarantees at least u wont be left wondering rest of ur life..or at least take a couple of months to really understand what ur feeling...be single for a while and explore ur own feelings and other relationships..
good luck!
2007-07-17 11:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by kavithakannu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my, you were ME about 5 months ago, only I was with my boyfriend for 3 years...your paragraph took the words right out of my mouth--I felt the SAME way...my ex wasn't passionate with me, we sat on the couch and watched tv side my side like two friends...he was nice, never cheated, blah, blah, so i felt torn, and scared, like 'what if i dont find this again', what i realized is that i WILL find it, there are plenty of guys out there that are looking for a nice girl that have a job, and all the basics that ARE passionate...it seems you have changed and want more, and he is still stagnant--id consider leaving the relationship...it will be painful, but maybe doors are closing so others can open....
but after reading Gemini's post..im almost in tears for her!!! I guess you are the only one who can decide...my situation may have been different from yours...good luck with whatever you choose...
2007-07-17 11:22:53 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.♥ Krasinski 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no idea what true love is. You have true love already and you don't even know it. He's there for you, he's good to you and he does everything for you. Why do you want more?
This is not a movie. There will not be romance every day. That's for hollywood. This is everyday, day by day, be there love. That truly deeply connect stuff is crap. You are two people with different needs and wants.
You need to learn to communicate with each other. Try counseling.
2007-07-17 11:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you know what you want. You deserve to have it. Yes, true passionate love does really exist. And yes, you do deeply connect with your true love. Maybe the relationship you are in now was meant to be one of close friendship and that's all. If what you want is romance, true love and passion, then you should have it. Find those things for yourself. True romance and love are wonderful things!
2007-07-17 11:24:35 · answer #8 · answered by Cathy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely do not think you should leave just yet. I think after being together for so long and knowing eachother so well, you can definitely work it out. Bring up the issues you have again but let him know how serious you are. Instead of letting him brush you off, you need to tell him it is seriously affecting your relationship and you will just take time to yourself by being away from him, even out of the house, until he is ready to sit down and talk. Chances are after you talk and he understands some things you would like him to try, things will rekindle.
Good luck!
2007-07-17 11:24:20 · answer #9 · answered by P.Y.T.23 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like, basically, a good guy...why would it be settling? You should try and get back to why you fell for him in the first place before you walk away from your "bestfriend". Love is not always exciting and fun...you may have just gotten into a rut..youre hitting that 7 year itch mark, so try and make it excting again, you have to work on love to keep everyone interested...
2007-07-17 11:22:42 · answer #10 · answered by suitablepenname 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋