Where should I seat my mothers?

Question

I am getting married soon to a wonderful Christian man of whom my incredible father approves. The woman who birthed me (my father's first wife) shall not be present, as she is Satan incarnate. My true mother is Mama Carmen, my father's second wife. Wives three, four and five shall also be present, but have not had nearly as much influence on me as I was growing up. My father shall escort Mama Carmen to her seat, but I think all the other wives should walk sedatly down and take seats behind my father and Mama Carmen. They want to sit in the first bench and they also wish my father to walk them to their seats. There are no other men but my father to escort women, but I only want him to escort me and Mama Carmen. Am I being selfish?

Answer 1

Unless he is divorced from all these women, he has to escort his current wife or it would be a huge slight to her. It's fine if you also wish him to escort Mama Carmen.

I would ask a cousin, uncle, very good friend or somebody else to escort wives #3 & #4 (and #5 if they are divorced). Don't you have ushers? Well, pick whomever is your "top-ranking" usher for them and give them their own song to walk down with (also grandparents, perhaps).

I think you should also consider asking the groom to escort Mama Carmen -- actually more of an honor than having your father escort her.

So imagine a cousin or somebody walking Mamas #3 & #4 (and possibly #5 if dad divorced her) to their seats (can be first or second row; I don't think it matters much).

Then here is dad with current wife (if applicable), seating her in the front row, third seat in. Then here comes the groom with Mama Carmen, seating her in front row, first seat. After Dad walks you down the aisle, he sits between #5 and #2. If there is no current wife, than Mama Carmen would be seated first row, second seat and dad takes the aisle seat.

Answer 2

Is your father currently married to one of these women? If so, she should definitely be sitting with him. You may still have your Mama Carmen seated in the front row, as well, if you wish, and the others may sit in the second row.

If your father is not currently married to any of these ladies, then you may seat only Mama Carmen in the front row, and seat the others behind.

Don't force your father to escort every single one of them and then you. Not only will that start looking like a comedy routine, it could be tiring for him, depending on his level of physical fitness. Is there really nobody else who can help with escorting all your stepmothers? Maybe a good friend? If there is truly nobody else to do the escorting, have your father escort his wife - if he's currently married - and then have him escort Mama Carmen. Have the others come to their seats before this. If the aisle will accomodate it, have them walk to their seats in a group. If the aisle won't handle three people across, have them walk one at a time.

I wouldn't consider you at all selfish for wanting to give pride of place to the lady who had the strongest and best influence on you growing up. In fact, I think it's lovely that you want to honor her in particular.

The only reason I can think of why it could be incorrect to fail to honor the others just as highly is if - as I say - your father is currently married. In that case, his current wife does need to be treated with the respect due to the current spouse of the father of the bride.

In the interest of family peace, though, it might not be a bad idea to consider whether you can seat all these ladies in the front pew. Sometimes not being selfish and being actively gracious are not the same thing. You can still have Mama Carmen seated last, as the Mother of the Bride usually is or give her a more elaborate corsage to point up her importance to you.

But it really is up to you. You're the one who knows best how much having them in the front row will or won't upset you, and there's nothing incorrect about not having four women trying to be Mother of the Bride all at once, even if they've all had a hand in raising you.

Answer 3

So you aren't having any groomsmen? A best man? Normally they seat the guests. And I would consider the other wives to be 'guests'. If you have absolutely NO ONE seating guests, then they seat themselves before the ceremony starts.

I like your line of thinking. Yes, your father should escort Mama Carmen and then sit by her in the front row. Now you say you want the other wives in the row behind- will that mean the front row will be empty besides Dad and Mama Carmen? If so, that might seem strange an cause hurt feelings.(not that it should matter! but you know what I mean...) But if you plan on filling row one up with other family (grandparents, aunts & uncles etc) then I think that the other wives should be perfectly comfortable in the second row!

One way to get around the whole situation would be to not have any guests or family escorted- they all take their seats before anything starts. Then you have Dad AND Mama carmen walk you down the aisle :)

Answer 4

Does your Father practice polygamy? This sounds very complicated. No I don't think your Father should escort all his wives to their seats, only Mama Carmen. Why can't the best man escort these women to their seats? You did not make clear if you are having bridesmaids, maid of honor, and if your Dad is walking you down the isle. You aren't being selfish..it will look absolutely rediculous your father escorting all these wives so they should take their seats quietly. It is your wedding and you should have it conducted your way.

Answer 5

It IS your wedding and I would ask my Father to seat Mama Carmen and the other wives should just walk down the aisle and seat themselves. Where they sit is not important if your Father no longer uses them as wives. You and NOT being selfish - make sure your Father understands this, and others you think will give you problems.

Answer 6

no I dont think you are... You should choose who has been the mother to you. I think your decision is a good one.

Are you having ushers? IF so the ushers could escort your other steps.. Or use the groomsmen.. That is what I did for my wedding. The groomsmen ushered in the grandmothers. But I also had both of our mothers walk together and they went up and lite the candles up front at the alter.

But what ever you would like to do is fine. I think your dad escorting one at a time would take a considerable amount of time.

Answer 7

Your dad shouldnt be escorting anyone but you down the aisle. If there is no groomsmen or best man, then they should each walk alone to their seats.

Answer 8

If she is ur mom (true mom) then she should be walked done and seated in the first pew...not the others...so what if it what they want...this is your wedding its about what U want. Do what makes u comfortable. If they can't understand that, its a shame but too bad...they should understand ur feelings and y u want to honor the woman that clearly means the world to u.

Answer 9

No you aren't. If that's how you feel and what you want then that's what should happen. Stick to your guns. If she's more important to you than the other wives then she should be in front. If the other women don't like it, tell them not to attend. i must add that it sounds like an odd situation though.

Answer 10

nope, not selfish at all. in fact, they are. it's your wedding and you decide who goes where, not them. they walked at their own weddings, so enough from them. seat them behind your father, as this seems the most appropriate place for them. good luck!