I was once told it was my fault if I got raped!!!?

Question

So, I've had church people tell me that if I ever get raped that it's my fault! If I got raped then I must have been wearing something that attracted the man, it wasn't his fault that he was tempted, they said. Keep in mind I rarely even wear a dress, and am mostly found in a tank top and jeans or camo pants.
I was also told that wearing anything but a dress or long skirt is wrong and I would be damned; that along with cutting my hair short, because that showed that I had no respect for God or my father. I don't believe in God (sorry) and I sure have no respect for a man that abused me and tried twice to kill my mother!
Lastly I was told that I should be subservient to men, my father owned me until I was given to my husband--and the ownwership was just passed on to my husband!

Thankfully my fiance doesn't think any of this is right. We believe if God exists he doesn't damn you for appearance, rape is the attacker's fault, and men and women are equal.

What do you guys think?

Sorry, I meant any church in general. A few of these were from Christians, the rape one from an LDS woman (a woman, can you believe that???) and yes, many other groups believe this. I never meant it was all Christians, I won't generalize. I just didn't want to accuse one church, as it is many different groups.

Answer 1

Rape is NEVER the fault of the victim!!! Even if you walk down Main St. naked...that is not an invitation to rape. Your fiance sounds like a good guy. Stay away from people who try to make you feel less than human. And there is a saying that goes something like this...Woman was created from man's rib. Not from his head to walk above him...not from his feet to be below hi,...but from his rib to walk beside him. How you dress and wear your hair is personal choice and has NOTHING to do with religion or faith

Answer 2

I think...you were going to the wrong kind of church. If I ever found myself in a church like that, I would RUN, not walk but RUN, as far away as I could.

And for the record, when I was sexually assaulted, I was told it was my fault, too, by all sorts of people (atheist and non-religious). First I was asked if I was making it up (yeah, of course, don't you know), then I was asked what I was wearing. What does it MATTER?! It's more of a cultural thing than a religious thing.

It took me several years of therapy to get past it, and to stop blaming myself.

Answer 3

What?

First, anyone who says that should be impaled. That said, I find it most ironic that you accuse "chruch people" when its the Islamic community that holds this belief in the mainstream.

Islamic countries create laws that make it impossible for a woman to bring the charge forward, not to mention, the risk of being charged herself for adultry and then stoned!

Recently in Australia, the figurehead of the Islamic community there (Imam of the biggest mosque) preached on this subject. Essentially he claimed that a woman, not totally covered up, is like leaving red meat outside your doorstep, and the person to blame is the one who leave the uncovered meat. The upraor came from the non-muslims who read about the sermon. It was a huge issue and Aussies were infuriated that this is what was being taught in their country.

Your charge being levied at "church people" is very suspisious...something doesnt add up here. I a reject all religion but grew up in the commmunity. I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER HEARD ANYONE EVER EVER EVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT, ITS ALWAYS BEEN TOTAL HATE FOR RAPE AND BLAME ON RAPIST.

Answer 4

I'd stay far, far away from that church and anyone who attends it. They sound like people who are using religion to excuse their own twisted perversions.

I think that if a person should be able to control their own actions, and take responsibility for their own behavior. But that goes both ways - if you wear a slinky outfit and walk past a construction site, you shouldn't be offended if you get some catcalls or wolf whistles.

Answer 5

Sounds like whatever church people these were have an extreme take on truth, and then added a few thoughts of their own.
I would feel very sorry for any of their women that got raped...they would NEVER get any help or love from those people.

Answer 6

Rape is a despicable, disgusting crime. No woman (or man for that matter) deserves to be raped or asks for it.

That being said, women shoulder a measure of responsibility for the way they dress. To illustrate: what would we think of a woman walking down the street in the nude? Would we say she is asking to be raped? No, but we would say that she should take some responsibility for what her nudity might attract.

Looked at another way, suppose we park in the fire lane in front of a store. There's a fire, the fire department comes along and can't get around the car. So, with precious time wasting, they break the windows, and run the fire hose through the windows. Now, did that car owner ask to have his car damaged? Of course not. But we must admit, he shoulders a measure of responsibility inasmuch as he parked in a fire lane.

So too, women cannot deliberately dress provocatively or conduct themselves in a provocative manner and expect to do so with impunity. At the very least of it, passions will be aroused. But nothing justifies rape. Let me make that clear.

Hannah J Paul

Answer 7

That is like getting shot in the head during a robbery is the 7-11 guy's fault for earning a living. Right in front of people,. How dare he?

Answer 8

I don't know what religion that was but I don't think it is right either. I wear shorts, pants, and tank tops too. I've never been raped, but if I was it wouldn't be my fault. NO means No and if the guy violates that then it is his fault! Shame on those ignorant people. They don't know how dumb they are.

Answer 9

I'm with you. Whoever told you those things to start with was most likely the most conservative of Christians out there. I agree that while yes, you may wear those clothes, it's up to the man's self-control to be able to resist temptation. Please don't think that all Christians are like this because we're not.

Answer 10

I would find another church, I go to a christian/nondenominational/Calvinist church and we allow women to peirce their nose, and have goth people come to church and skate boarders and punks with differant color hair, some of the girls have short hair and colored hair, the churhc does believe in authority, but and order in all things, but then their are always churches out their liek the church of God that alloe female preachers to. We alos have mixed race couple in our church and many differnat races go to our church, so you just need to go church shopping, not give up church.