My thoughts on spanking. What do you think?

Question

So the debate about spanking does on and on and on. I just don't feel as though spanking a child on the backside is a form of abuse. This happened to me when i was younger, and i have absolutely no problem with it now.

I think when a child is punished in other ways, there are still 'cop out' opportunities, ie with no tv find something else to do, and in time out there is always SOMETHING to find to entertain yourself.

I know there are extreme cases and people will always mention that they were abused etc. and i don't brush that off lightly, but remember these are extreme cases.

What i am referring to is simply smacking with the HAND, on the childs BUM, nowhere else.
What do you think?

Answer 1

I agree with you. Spanking is a simple way to send the message that they should behave. I was spanked and I spank my daughters. My children all accept the fact that misbehavior means a spanking, and our family has a great relationship.

Answer 2

I can only agree with something another person said. Violence begets violence. I was rarely ever spanked and I grew up in a society where people spank as the default. I was very close to my Mum and often just having her upset with me was punishment enough. Today I am a very honest person with an aversion to violence. I have been in two physical fights in my whole life, both before I was ten. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I did not drink or have sex as a teenager. Fear was never my motivation to do the right thing. I will not say that spanking will absolutely not instill good moral values, I'm just saying it's quite possible (maybe even easy) to teach a child right from wrong without physical punishment. For my part I've never viewed violence of any kind (including forcing or manipulating other people to get what I want) as a viable option. I think it's because my parents never made me feel violated or coerced, only loved.

As for the spanking I did receive, I don't really remember it. I just know that before I had language skills I was sometimes smacked on the butt or hand. It was legal to spank kids at school where I lived and I did get the ruler or leather belt to the palm a few times. I remember it making me very angry and to this day I still hate Mrs. N, the grade 2 teacher. She always spanked her youngest son and by thirteen he was "borrowing" his grandfather's car. There was a rumor when he was 14 he brought a gun to school, but we never found it. But then, Mr. N beat Mrs. N. So like I said, violence appears to beget violence.

Answer 3

[there are still 'cop out' opportunities, ie with no tv find something else to do, and in time out there is always SOMETHING to find to entertain yourself.]

If this is all you think we can do besides spank, you are terribly misinformed. First of all, the point of the punishment that you describe above is A) it fits the crime and B) you're taking away what they cherish. Sure a child can read a book... but they want to be out watching TV with the rest of the family. Or they can play with their legos, but what they want more than anything is their cars back.

Second, this is not always an appropriate punishment. There are many times where natural consequences or other creative methods are much more appropriate to drive the point home.

Remember that as I'm sure all good spanking parents would agree, a proper spanking is to include a conversation explaining the offense, the reason for the spanking, and time for hugs and forgiveness. The teaching (the discipline) is not in the spanking - but in the conversation before/after. The spanking teaches nothing more than any other punishment - "that hurts/sucks/is boring I don't want that punishment again.

So given the choice, I'd rather not hurt her to teach her. That's my choice on the matter.

Answer 4

Like most thing in life, it depends on the situation.
I know fro a fact my son, who is a very intelligent 8 year old, has figured out that a spanking is a lot less of a punishment (it ends shortly after the *WHAP*) than say taking away privileges. So for most circumstances he gets grounded.

But there is no better way to immediately correct his behavior than a good spanking. I swear he has a circuit that can only be rest by a good pop on the backside. then his attitude completely changes.

Answer 5

I think there's a couple of issues here. Firstly, a child will be difficult and disobedient just to get attention, specially if parents do not spend time with them. Secondly, if a parent is always criticising a child and has nothing positive to say, you're going to have a difficult child.

My wife and I have 3 kids - 11, 10 and 2. They're our greatest treasure and they are well behaved. I'm not saying this because they're my kids but because whoever meets them says that about them and not just to us but to our relatives and friends. We've used several things to discipline our kids.

> Firstly, never discipline out of anger but out of love for the child.
> If you're angry, ask your spouse to handle the situation.
> If you do give quality time to kids and they love your company and love sharing things with you, deprive them of talking to you for the day. One of my kids can't stand it when my wife does that.
> Stand by your word. If you promise them something, do it, whether it's taking them for ice cream or warning them about a punishment. If you don't keep your word, they'll never respect you.
> Use a 10-1 rule. Love 10 times, correct once. An unloved child (or for that matter any person) will never accept correction.

Because we've seen the above work, we've rarely had to spank our children, although we have when they were small. Before we spank them, we tell them why they're being spanked and explain why we're doing it. My children know they'll never be spanked out of anger. One more thing - parents need to teach their children to apologise and they should know that you'll forgive them when they do. "He who is forgiven more, loves more." And if your kids love you like mine do, they'll never try to disobey.

There's so much more, I could write a book. But I'll end here.

Answer 6

One or two, fine. More then that, out of rage and anger..no. Sometimes when the kid is out of control and just won't listen to you, a firm spank on the butt, is just enough to surprise the kid (not hurt) and he/she will give full attention so you can carry on with punishing. I got spanked as well, usually either on the hand or the bum. I am fine! Some people take it too far. Nowadays, you can't spank your child in public, or someone will stick their nose in your business and call the police or child protective services. Enough with bothering the parents that spank their kids once in a while, why not come down on the people that walk their kids like dogs on LEASHES. I saw a woman the other day, literally yank her kid like she was a dog, and make her smack her head on a chair, she didn't even ask the kid if she was ok, she just kept on shopping...now someone tell me that is ok!?

Answer 7

I've no problem with spanking. (The rear or smack on the hand)
There is a HUGE difference between discipline with spanking if necessary and abuse.

Noone should discipline their child when they're angry however... and even good parents will loose their temper once in a while... Discipline works best when it's done with a calm, quiet attitude. Following through with consequences such as a spanking works wonders. You'll find that being consistant means that you will very rarely end up having to spank your child.

Answer 8

I too was spanked as a child. I have a 2 year old myself. I personally beleive that different children respond to different forms of reprimand. For me, the threat of a swat was enough to keep me in line. For my brother, it didnt work. You could have beat his butt all day, and he wouldnt have blinked. My parents had to try different things with him.

My policy is this:
NEVER spank when angry.
The child always gets a warning first, unless they were being blatantly and knowingly naughty. I try to redirect her attention to something positive that she can do instead.
For example: If my daughter gets into something that she shouldnt, I get down on her level, look right at her, and tell her NOT to do that, and give her the reason (that will hurt you, or whatever) That is usually sufficient for her, but if she is feeling rebellious and does it again, that will warrant a swat on the butt. I always follow a swat by repeating WHY what she did was wrong, and if possible, something else she could have done instead ("instead of sneaking food and making a mess, you should have told mama you needed something and I would have given it to you")

Just aimlessly spanking a child is pretty pointless. I spank when she ignores my warning and blatantly disobeys. I never do it when I am angry, and I never do it just to hurt her. I do it to get her attention, and help reinforce the fact that what she was doing was negative. I always follow it up with love, and telling her what she did wrong, why it was wrong, and how she can go about doing whatever in a positive way next time.

It works really well with my daughter. Shes fantastic for being a 2 year old. I only have maybe a couple of mild instances of disobedience from her in an entire week.

Oh, and spanking repeatedly is just wrong. One pop on the butt or a lil swat on the hand to drive your message home is enough. Its so important to keep your cool. If a person cant refrain from totally wailing on their kid, they need to not spank AT ALL. Its also totally pointless to spank a small child long after the deed was done. Like "when daddy gets home you are gonna get your butt beat" Not only does that turn daddy into a villain, but a child should be corrected immediately, not hours after the incident. To a child, a couple of hours is an eternity.

Answer 9

I feel it is ok to spank a child as long as you the spanker can control temper and not loose control,I also smack my granddaughters hand, for stealing, Thats whats wrong with children today their parent can not punish them for things they do wrong , yet the LAW will punuish the parent for what the child does wrong

Answer 10

Spanking or hitting in any form is unacceptable. It is just the easy way out for the parent and does not teach the child anything except aggressive behavior. Just because our parents did it is not an excuse. There are plenty of smarter ways to deal with an unruly child.

Answer 11

No way in this or any other world was I going to spank my children. That held true right up until...well..until I had children.

My oldest son had a love affair with wall outlets. The plastic covers? A dare. The screw-on covers? A mere irritant. Someone else's house - Eureka! That child would find any and everything he could to shove in those puppies - about 10 times faster than you'd think a pudgy little bundle of curls and drool could go! After enough "NONO!s" and close calls, I found myself swatting his little hand away and then I took it into my own and said "OWIE! That's OWIE! NO NO!"

I figured I'd rather he be traumatized from my hand on his than the finger he burnt off in a wall-outlet. He caught another one with the stove-top (be glad, young mothers, that they put the knobs on the back these days!).

His sister had a penchant for dashing out into the road if I didn't get her from stroller to carseat in the. 008th of a second required, OR, heaven forbid, if big brother diverted my attention. (Pretty sure they tag-teamed me sometimes as toddlers). Thus, she caught a few good taps on the diaper - more to startle the point home than anything else. Again - better she remember mean mommy than "this is how I came to live in this chair..."

I could go on and on - but the thing is, it's been my experience that whatever choice a parent makes - if made with the best possible outcome for the child in mind - and applied consistently - is the best choice.

The worst discipline? "I mean it this time." Save us from those other times, then, will you? You can just hear the kid's thoughts "suuu..uuure you do."

BTW, to the poster who was galled by leashes - you might giggle to know that my oldest son LOVED his harness and leash. The little monster found that he could defy gravity on his tippy toes and leeaaaan in a Matrix-esque stunt pose on the thing.