If you don't hit your child, could you explain what it is you do to instill self-discipline in them?

Answer 1

Grab a book, make him read it out loud until he finishes it!

If he says no, tell him, "Fine, go to your room and don't come out until you have read the book!"

When he comes out, make him write a book report on it!


Kids can't do anything about it, it's not abuse, it's light torture aka education!

I still think hitting the child works more than anything, regardless if it's wrong.

Answer 2

Be a good example.

Set a routine that includes all those things that must be done - like brushing teeth, doing homework and feeding the dog.

Enforce those rules with fair discipline.

Johnny didn't walk the dog? Don't set a plate of food down at dinner. Put the leash at his spot and insist he walks the dog before he gets his dinner.

Snadi didn't clean her room? Well, she'll just have to stay in her room until it is clean. She can eat dinner (cold) in her room too.

A couple good rules:

1. Head on the pillow, feet under the blanket, no toys, no noise.
2. If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.
3. Only practice on the days that you eat.
4. First will be last and last will be first
5. Work before play.

It makes a big difference. My husband had relaxed parents who asked nothing and exploded in anger. He is unable to do anything. He doesn't know how. He is completely unoprganized.

My parents were very careful in discipline and laying down rules. I'm a hard worker - a morning person. A self-starter and well organized.

I wasn't an organized or great kid. My parents taught me how to be disciplined and LATER I developed maturity to be able to do it consistently.

Answer 3

when they do something right, such as play with a sibling without fussing, say 'I'm so proud of you 2 playing well together'. Do this a lot.
when they do something wrong, such as hitting sister with a toy car, make the one hitting go sit on the 'naughty corner', a place you made in a corner of your home just for that. They cannot leave the corner until time is up. If they leave before time is up they have to start over again. 4 minutes for a 4 year-old for instance. Next you look at them eye-to-eye and tell them in a normal voice that their behavior hitting sister was naughty and he needs to say he's sorry.
If you tell a child they are bad--guess what--they WILL be bad because Mom and Dad know everything and they said I was bad.
If you tell a child they are good, have good behavior, are nice to others guess what--they WILL be because Mom and Dad said so.

Answer 4

We use time out and take away privledges.

I don't need to hit my children to instill self-discipline. That comes from within, not from my hand on their bodies.

I spend a lot of time talking to my children about right and wrong and teaching them ways to handle their emotions and frustrating situations. We have open discussions about everything and anything that they find questionable.

I am always consistant and firm but also loving. My kids don't like to see me upset so they try to stay out of trouble.

Answer 5

I started talking to my children when they were infants, which, I figure, helped them become reasonable people by the time they were two years old. We didn't have terrible two's because by the time they were two they had the verbal skills to understand why they couldn't do stuff.

I always treated them with respect, tried to do something about it if they were uncomfortable for some reason, and tried to make them laugh. At the same time, I acted as if I was the leader of the team, and they just kind accept that I was the one who told them right from wrong or where they couldn't do certain things.

Because I was so nice to them, and because we just so clearly loved one another, they wanted to please me when they were, say, three or four years old. By the time they were five they were pretty emotionally mature and just behaved.

I didn't have a whole lot of rules (like eat every last pea on your plate). I just had basic rules about nobody ever hitting anybody else, everybody treating everybody else with respect, and a time and place for certain activities. I'd tell them when we were going somewhere that "the store people don't want you running around, so you have to stay close to me".

I think they got a sense of self-discipline because in the very beginning they wanted to please me. By the time they outgrew that phase they just kind of had the self-discipline to behave the way they should for the most part.

When you have a baby who heads for the electrical outlets, the dog, or the top of the stairs just going over, picking him up and moving him away from the thing, and saying something like, "Oh no - you'll fall down the stairs." probably helps a baby get used to having his plans to do certain things interrupted. The baby may not know what his mother is telling him, but he's stopping for a second and thinking, "Hmm. Every time I head for this thing I get stopped." He gets used to being stopped and gets accustomed to not just going around and never having his plans interrupted by anything. He gets practice having his plans to do something interrupted, and eventually he has the ability to stop himself when he's headed for the thing he shouldn't be headed for. That's a rudimentary form of self-control.

As I mentioned, when adults treat toddlers and preschoolers with respect but have some reasonable expectations of behavior young children want to please their parents.

For older children, explaining why certain behavior is important and why school is important (so homework has to be done) generally works if parents didn't so far raise a child who has only been smacked into behaving. Giving children a little flexibility to allow for when they may be too tired or frazzled can get results too. For example, if you say, "Do you want to do your homework before you go play, or do you want to go play for two hours and do it before dinner?" the child gets to choose the time when he's most likely to feel up to doing the homework and gets to have some sense of control over his own day.

It sounds so simple to say that what we, who have never hit our kids, do is "talk to them" because it conjures up images of parents negotiating and begging. That's not the kind of talk those of us do. You just treat the child with respect, have some reasonable expectations, explain why certain things are important, and - when required - have some reasonable consequences for when the child doesn't do what he should; but also, don't forget to just "relate" to the child and be free with praise that is deserved; because if parents relate and praise and aren't always just telling kids what to do and when the relationship is better and children are more motivated to please parents, do what they're expected to do, and want to be capable, well behaved, socially acceptable people.

Also, pointing out to children how they will benefit by certain behaviors is better than just telling them how you want them to behave because its what you want.

These are the ways my two siblings and I were raised, and we were all well behaved kids who did well in school (not perfect kids, but well behaved and decent nonetheless). This is how I raised my three children, who are now grown, and who were always well behaved, decent, caring, kids and who have grown up to be caring, thoughtful, decent, people (again, not perfect people because nobody is ever mistake-free,.but generally people I'm proud to have raised). The only reason I bring up my own children is to point out that I know for a fact that you can raise decent, well behaved, children without ever hitting them.

Answer 6

Good point spanking is totally uncreative... try hot tar and feathers it worked against the early americans.