I need answers from mostly guys but of course the ladies thoughts on this are welcome as well...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year and a half. I'm 20 years old, he's my first boyfriend...he's been lots of firsts for me...anyways, up until about a month ago we talked like 3 or 4 times a day on the phone. Now he's not returning my calls and I only talk to him maybe once or twice a day. I told him it frustrates me and I want to talk to him more often and he apologized and told me he'd try harder but he's still doing it. I know for a fact he's not cheating on me but I can't figure out what's going on...any thoughts on why he's doing this?

Well, I forgot to mention, I live about 45 minutes away from him...so we only see eachother once a week.

Ugh, putting this in writing makes this sound like the worst relationship ever. Love sucks.

I haven't yelled at him or anything...I really have been trying to be light and happy and I've put on the "don't worry about it" voice...I guess I just wish it wouldn't have happened so abruptly. Or he would have said, "Hey, work's been getting crazy I probably won't be able to call you until tonight..." That's all I want.

I don't know how these things work, that's why I'm asking you guys.

By the way, I'm don't expect 45 minute philosophical conversations every time we talk. We've never really done that. He'd just call and say, "I'm on my way to work and I love you." I guess I just didn't think that was asking too much. But hell, I'm probably wrong. Who knows? (*rolls eyes* men) :)

Answer 1

Maybe he is busy. dont you have days you just need time alone?

Answer 2

Look at your boyfriends lifestyle, is he a student, does he work? How much time does he have on his hands? I know that he's yuor first bf and that you've become accustomed to talking so often with him, but even twice a day isn't the norm in relationships. It's wise to spend some time apart and to not be so intenstly devoted to each other, you both need your own time and space. Remember that a candle that burns brightly and boldy at first will be the first to burn out... This means that when something begins with so much intensity, like with your bf, soon the fire starts to fade. It could be that you guys are just so comfortable with each other that you're getting into a habit and habits truely get very boring... it happens in all relationships. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you...just give him space, you'll both appreciate it more in the end.

Answer 3

Relax! I cant believe hes even talking to you 3-4 times a day! What do you talk about? If it has only reduced to twice a day, give him a break. He is probably running out of things to say, feel like all thats said is the same and just wants to keep some excitement in the realtionship! You have many years with this man, so why rush and try and get all in one day!
Guys are better with their actions, not their words. Not said offensively, but guys may not necessarily like the 20 conversations about crap a day things girls like! Give him breathning space, hes probably abit unhappy, not trying to upset you and thats why he says he'll try but doesnt do it. Sound like you have a caring, patient guy...give him space and he will bounce back! Smuther him, and hell do a runner.
Good luck!

Answer 4

It's probably nothing to worry about. The longer you be in a relationship with a man, the more he is going to change. He probably feels he don't have to talk to you 3 or 4 times a day anymore because he feels that he is safe with you. Talking to him once or twice a day shouldn't be so bad. Sometimes it's bad to spend too much time together anyway. But I know how it is him being you first love though but my advice to you is just let him run things

Answer 5

3 or 4 times a day...is to much.
A call in the morning..and / or maybe last thing at night..
should be enough..
If you see each other at least one time a week ..then a call or two during the week should be enough.
I have worked with people who had husbands.girlfriends etc that called so much it was a pain to everyone around..
It shows insecurity and or jealousy in my opinion.
If it bugs you ..sit him down and have a honest everything on the table talk..he may be wanting to break up or it could be he just is busy..at 20 it's time to stop playing games..and be honest.

Answer 6

You just want things to be the same as they were in the beginning. That's natural. But think about the consquences of doing this, especially on such a small matter. You might come off as clingy, or controlling. Just let it go and appreciate the time you do have with this guy.

GL

Answer 7

My only suggestion is to talk to him directly. Ask him out on a nice dinner and talk about it, NICELY. Make sure that you don't come across to him in an accusing manner. Maybe he's been busy with school? Or, maybe he has family problems? The only way to find out is to ask him about it. If he says (IF AND ONLY IF) that he is no longer interested in you then I really think that it is better that you know sooner than later. Good luck!

Answer 8

1. He's busy
2. He got a hobby
3. He got some friends
3. You two are not talking about anything he wants to talk about

If you're sure he's not messing around, there really is no need to panic. I mean you can't expect to talk to him 4 times day for hours at a time for the rest of your life. Things change over time.

Answer 9

Do you know how hard it is to get a 20 year old guy to talk to you at least once a day?

Just relax some.

Answer 10

My take on it is that he may just need some space from you. Don't pressure him, but just be supportive, and try to keep the conversations light, upbeat, fun, and, (most importantly) short. Leave him wanting more, and he should naturally start calling with more frequency.

Answer 11

There is like no reason maybe he is just doing something only he knows why he is not answering phone calls I try to talk to my girlfriend everyday but I hope you can get this straightend out...