quick 2 points?

Question

you can get two points just by telling me the funniest joke you can think of and if you know more than one feel free to put it in and if its really funny people will vote it the best answer and ill give you the best answer and you can get ten points

thank you to the people who are being nice about this i just wanted to have a quick laugh and for the jerks that tell me to shut up and tell me haha i answered and got two points anyway thats not what this is about and you are a pathetic peaice of crap driven by points who just had to have two points so you anwered some bull sh'it answer and your a real jerk

Answer 1

So there's two blondes sitting on a bench one night in Central Park. One says to the other, "I wonder which is closer, Florida or the Moon..."
The other replies, "Hello! Can you *see* Florida?!"

(Hope you liked it!)


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Edit: I thought of a funnier one!

So a guy walks into a bar and starts talking to the bartender. After a few beers, the man says "I bet you $100 I can bite my eye."
The bartender thinks, 'No one can bite thier own eye!" and agrees. The man pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

(But wait! There's more!)

After taking his money, the man says, "I bet you $500 I can bite my other eye."
The bartender knows that the man is not blind, so doesn't think this is possible. He agrees.
The man pulls out his false teeth and bites his other eye!

(Still more!)

The bartender gives the man his money, and the man gives him a final bet. "I'll bet you $2000 that I can stand on one end of the bar, and pee into a shot glass on the other end of the bar without spilling," he says.
The bartender knows that *this* is impossible and agrees again.
The man stands up, and tries to pee into the shotglass. He spills all over the bar, not even reaching the other end.
The man sits down and gives the bartender his money. "Aw, heck," the bartender says, "let me give you a drink." He hands the man a beer, and the guy bursts out laughing. "You just lost $2000, why the hell could you possibly be laughing?"

The man says, "See the man in the car out there? I bet him 1 million dollars that I could pee all over you bar, and then you'd buy me a drink!"

XD

Answer 2

A very loud voiced young student had a habit of singing loudly while on the computer in the library. It annoyed other students and the teachers. So, to remedy the problem the teacher had the student tie a string around the students finger so that he would remember not to sing loudly. the student, string on finger, went back to the computer room and once again began singing away . the teacher came up to him and asked "Simon, what did I say when you tied the string to your finger?". Simon answered innocently, "Not to tie the string too tight". :)

Hope this makes you smile.

Answer 3

its not really a joke...but its funny...
Knock knock.
Come in!
No, you're supposed to say, who's there?
But I know who you are.
Pretend you don't.
Okay. Hello! My name is Bill! Who are you?
Now you've got it. Knock knock.
Hello! It's nice to meet you!
No! Say, who's there!
Who's there!
It's Amos.
What a funny name. I thought you were Susie.
I'm Amos.
You mean all these years you've been lying to me?!?
No, no... It's part of the joke. Play along.
Okay.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Amos.
Amos? I don't know anybody named Amos!
Rrrrrgggggg!
Knock, knock.
GO AWAY!!!

PICK ME AS BEST ANSWER ITS SHORT AND FUNNY!!!!

Answer 4

I just typed out a long one earlier so here's a quick one. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!" (fungi)

Answer 5

There's a blonde drowning in my swimming pool because a left a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom

Answer 6

here's an old one i personally like a lot, but it works better when said aloud:

Three ropes are hungry, so they go over to Mickey D's for a salad. The first rope goes up to the cashier and asks for a salad. The cashier replies, 'sorry, we don't sell food to ropes'.
The next rope goes up and asks for a salad, and the cashier replies, 'look, i told your friend over there what i'm gonna tell you - we don't sell food to ropes.'
So the third rope sees what has happened to his buddies, so he goes to the restroom, takes out his comb, and messes up his hair, and ties himself into a knot. He comes out and asks the cashier for a salad. the cashier replies, 'for goodness sake! we don't sell food to ropes, and you are a rope!' the rope calmly replies, 'nope, i'm a frayed knot.'

Answer 7

I wouldn't give you my best joke for less than 10 points. See? I've gotten 2 for refusing.

Answer 8

or i can tell you to shut up and feel satisfied with myself. i'd say thats worth ten points.