My friends parents are gay?

Question

He has two dads and it makes me uncomfortable(theyre not preverted or anything). He keeps inviting me over to his house to hang out at the pool and play video games and stuff. I want to hand out with him but I dont want to be by his dads. How can I do this w/o sounding like an ignorant homophob?

Answer 1

Well first of all you are gonna have to learn that people and their lifestyles will always be different than what your used to.. its called adjusting. If this guy is really your friend, then you won't mind that his rents are gay. I'd even try talking to them.. I'm sure they are into guy things just like you are and you may even have things in common.. If it does bother you that much then pull your friend aside and let him know how you really feel.. tell him your just not used to seeing that yet.. maybe he can talk to his rents and tell them to keep their "public love" a little less public when your around..

Answer 2

Just go. Nothing bad will happen. Think of them as a dad and an uncle. Just dont think about them as a couple and you can handle it. OR try to get him to invite another friend over too, so that the 3 of you can hang out. And that you will feel comfortable having an extra friend there too.
Just try going over once. If you find it really uncomfortable and cant handle it again then you dont have to. But at least you tried then. Right now you THINK you would be uncomfortable. But you dont know how you will feel until you visit.
Dont keep turning down his invites or he may stop being your friend.

Answer 3

Why are you so uncomfortable around his dads? Are you afraid they will infect you with homosexuality or what? Seriously, they're just two normal men. What's there to be so uncomfortable about?

Personally I'd think it was best to just get used to them, but if you really have an issue with being there, just come up with other suggestions about how to spend time with your friend. Suggest places to go, things to do, other than being at his house. It's likely though that sooner or later your friend will realize that you're avoiding his dads and what will hurt him, even make him lose interest in hanging out with you.

Answer 4

You ARE an ignorant homophobe, the the good thing is that you realize what that is. Knock off the f**king crap and treat those two men with the respect they deserve for helping to raise the son that you like well enough to hang out with. What the hell stupid reason do you have for NOT being at his house if they are nice to you. Do you judge ALL of your friends' parents? I have very little nice to say to you, EXCEPT that you have asked this question and perhaps will consider some of the replies and do what is right. Perhaps if you were taught to be a homophobe at your own house, therein is where the real problem lies.

Answer 5

You have to be honest with him if you can't bring yoruself to hang out with him. Or you will have to go by there more and just chat with his two dads. The more you hang out with them the more comfortable you will become and once you do become more comfortable, you'll wonder what you were so freaked out about in the first place. But if you absolutely cannot bring yourself to go there even for a 10 min visit, then you have to tell your friend. Be honest with him. I'm sure he will understand. Good Luck

Answer 6

You can't, because it would seem YOU ARE an ignorant homophobe!
I'm sure these men care as much for their child as any other parent. Are you afraid of your other friends' straight parents? Of course not. The only reason you are afraid to go to your friend's house is because you fear that these men will try to get you into a sexual situation.
And, unless that's already happened with them, and since they're openly Gay I will assume it hasn't, then you should be ashamed of yourself, and grow up. Otherwise, your friend will come to realize that a true friend would never be so unfair and childish, and will find someone else to hang out with, leaving you alone with your fear and bigotry.

Answer 7

Are you worried they may come on to you? Or you just feel uncomfortable being around someone who is gay? I use to HATE guy people but it was ignorance. I got to know someone who is gay and well now since I understand them, I no longer have hate in my heart. I actually love gay people now and enjoy being around them. I am a woman so it may be different, but most gay men will not come on to a straight man. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Just realize that they are just like other parents - except for the fact that they're both men. Think of them like you would any other parents. They love their son the same as any other parents, they want him to be happy and healthy - just like straight parents want those things for their kids. If you spent time with them and their son and thought about it, I'm sure you'd realize this. By the way, would you really want to be around the parents of your other friends. I think that some discomfort with having the parents around is quite natural for guys your age.

Answer 9

You could either make excuses for not going or else you may want to be very honest with your friend and just explain that it isn't something you're use to being around; and while you know his parents are fine people you just can't be comfortable with it yet for no reason other than that you are a kid; and because you're so used to parents like your own you just feel odd and can't really explain why.

Its a risk, but I suspect people in your friends situation and his parents are used to running into people who feel uncomfortable.

You could try mentioning to your friend that a male relative of y ours was saying how teenage boys are at the height of developing their sense of self as young men and can have more trouble getting used to, and comfortable with, being around gay relationships. You could say you know its your age and you know in your own mind it isn't his parents but is, instead, your own stage in maturing. You could ask him to try to understand.

The difficult thing is this is something gay people and their children have to live with on a daily basis, and its crummy; but the other side of it is that heterosexual people ARE uncomfortable at the idea of seeing two gay partners together (even if they're not doing any displays of affection or acting, as you put it, "perverted"). Expecting heterosexual people to change their discomfort about gayness is no different than expecting gay people to change their orientation.

Its not an easy situation, and I'm not sure having an honest discussion with your friend would be a good thing; but it seems like trying to express your own trouble feeling comfortable would be better than saying nothing and letting your friend think things about how you think that aren't true.

Maybe you could talk to your friend about the difference between a "homophobe" (someone who dislikes, doesn't respect, disapproves of, or is otherwise judgmental of gay or lesbian people) and someone who respects them, doesn't judge them, accepts them for who they are and what their orientation happens to be; but who is heterosexual and has the normal, understandable, natural, sense of feeling a little uncomfortable around gay or lesbian couples together. Some people are completely "normal" around gay individuals, but when the setting means being around gay couples it changes the dynamics and CAN make some people who aren't generallyi "homophobic" feel a little uncomfortable. (Some people aren't all thrilled being around married heterosexual couples either for that matter.)

It is entirely possible for a heterosexual person to have a very healthy, fair, decent attitude about homosexual people but still have a little shred of being uncomfortable at having to watch couples together without being a "giant homophobic". Don't let anyone on here guilt you into thinking its an "either/or" thing when it comes to homophobia. Maybe most heterosexuals have the tiniest hint of so-called homophobia that they can't "overcome" because their own heterosexuality is so ingrained in them; but calling people with a generally decent attitude and just a hint of discomfort about homosexuality "homophobes" is every bit as ignorant as a real, full-blown, case of homophobia is.

Answer 10

Why would you not want to sound like a homophobic? You seem to be one. Would you feel uncomfortable being at a friends house with his hetro dad and one of his hetro dads buds? If not, then you shouldn't be uncomfortable with your friends dads. Think of them as buddies and not anything more. You say they don't behave perverted, so this shouldn't be hard.
When you go to your other friends houses, do you ask about their parents sexuality? I doubt it. And there's a good possibility that some of them have sexual habits that would also be uncomfortable to you.