I'm marrying a black man and my parents are racist. I didn't invite them to the wedding because I didn't want anything bad to happen. But now they're mad at me. What should I do?
2007-07-16 11:26:30 · 22 answers · asked by Isabell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is a tough call. I think you should sit down with your parents and explain this to them. Tell them that their presence is welcomed at your wedding, but their racism is not. Let them know that you are going to marry this man with or without their support, but you would rather their support. Make sure they understand how their racism offends you, and that it will not be tolerated. The hardest thing in the world is to plan a damn wedding knowing there is drama and animosity within the families. You dont want your family offending his, and vice versa. Maybe there should be a gathering to iron out all differences BEFORE the wedding. I would just hate to see you back here 8 months from now saying you divorced because your families are racist... that would really be a shame. Keep the lines of communication OPEN WIDE OPEN in this relationship... as with any relationship, but more so with this one because of the race factor.
2007-07-16 17:55:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would still invite them. Regardless of their racial views, they are still your parents. But, you really need to sit down with them and lay it out on the table. Tell THEM how it's gonna be if they come. This is your special day, and if they are mature enough, they will respect that. And they also need to get over it. It is 2007. Haven't they opened their eyes to see that racism is NOT cool! I would be willing to bet that their are millions of black people that are more respected and successful than them. I'm not trying to put your parents down, and this may sound cliche, but we really are all the same on the inside! Color should not matter. I am a white girl myself...the least racist person I know of...and I really am getting sick and tired of racist people!!! Best of luck to you and you're husband. I have a very good friend, who is black. He is married to a white woman, and they have been married for almost 20 years. They have 3 beautiful children and are the most romantic couple I know.
2007-07-16 16:05:42 · answer #2 · answered by wilsonfam05 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should invite your parents, if you don't you will be breaking whatever still lasts of your relationship with them. They will feel absolutely bad, and you will to because of the guilt. What you can do is to stay away from them. Say hello and then leave, they should understand it is your wedding day and you have other important things to do. Avoid talking to them too much, and if you can tell a bridesmaid or any friend to pay attention and go get you (with any excuse) if your parents try to keep you and argue. Good luck, and I know it's going to be a great day, don't let anything bother you. (Also, if they go and you won't have to tell people excuses of why they didn't go or let everybody know about their problems, it's something that should stay between you.)
2016-04-01 07:31:16 · answer #3 · answered by Lori 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't have the wedding yet definately invite them. Also, it would be nice if you could get both sets of parents together to meet before the wedding day. It would make things much nicer for your whole marriage. Your parents could still have their racial issues but put their stamp of approval on your man. This is a good thing to perhaps change their mind. If they are mad that means they would be willing to go. Good luck and may you always be happy!
2007-07-16 11:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by DPL06351 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are probably mad and feel that you don't respect them by not inviting them to there daughters wedding. You should at least have invited them and yeah they might not show up because they are racists. But hey they might show up because even though they are racists you are their daughter and they might change there minds about you marrying this man. So you should tell them that you didn't mean to be disrespectful by not inviting them. You just thought that they woudn't go to the wedding. And if they do then you would be very happy that they will be there to share that day with you.
2007-07-16 15:44:30 · answer #5 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would be the bigger person and go ahead and invite them.. But I would also give them fair warning. There will be no sarcastic remarks.. Or anything to that nature.. If there are, that they are more than to leave.
It is your wedding day and you watn to have the best day of your life with you significant other.
Honestly I did this to my mom.. Her and my dad dont get along at all.. I told her straight up before the wedding that my dad was invited and that he will be there and if there is no peace she can leave.. Everyone showed up and had a good time.. No arguments or anything like that..
2007-07-16 11:35:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Explain to them why you did not invite them and that it was part of your gift to your new husband. But stick to your guns.
IT IS YOUR WEDDING! Share it only with those who love and respect and truly wish to share this joy with both of you.
Your parents more than likely only wish to show off their money, since it is always assumed that the bride's parents funded the wedding planning.
Let them be mad, hurt, whatever, but you made the right call.
2007-07-16 11:57:43 · answer #7 · answered by Capn C 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them how you feel as to why they initially didn't get invited. Remind them that you still love them but if they are going to cause trouble or be uncomfortable at the wedding then they shouldn't attend. Give them the opportunity to be at the wedding but let them know where you stand.
2007-07-16 11:53:20 · answer #8 · answered by ♥☺ bratiskim∞! ☺♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why are they mad? Because they didn't get to go to your wedding and make trouble? Or did you make an assumption and you were wrong?
Did they offer to pay for your wedding? If not, then they have no say so on who was invited.
You and your fiance need to sit down with them and lay out your life plan for them. Then its up to them to accept him, or not. If not, then live your life and don't worry about it. Best wishes.
2007-07-16 11:35:08 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should have invited them and let them decide to come or not.
Anyway, you did not say if the wedding occurred yet, if it did not, then by all means invite them and tell them you want them to be part of your special day.
If the wedding happened then I would go and visit them, take them out to dinner and try to make it up to them.
Tell them how you felt and that you are sorry that you did not give them the choice to come to your wedding.
2007-07-16 11:32:54 · answer #10 · answered by bernie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋