Neighborhood Kids Stare Blankly at my Precious 3 Year Old?

Question

The latch key kids where I live just stare at my son when he says "Hello, my name is (hisname)." and other things that he says to them. These kids are in primary school and my son is 3 and a half!!!

I had a bad day today (dad in hospital with kidney trouble) and argument with lazy slimeball brother (who lives with dad and causes grief). When we left to go to hospital my son saw two of the local latchkey kids and introduced himself to them AGAIN. They just stared.

I lost my temper and said to them: "Staring! Staring! Staring! Can't you hear him talking to you?" then I took my sons hand and said, "Come on, son, don't talk to these boys. They're either deaf or stupid."

Am I bad?

We're leaving this town soon, thank God, but I am soooo worried that at preschool my poor little son is wandering around saying "Hello, my name is xxx" and the other kids there just stare...

Answer 1

Maybe its the area you live in, the kids round here (south devon), all the ones i have known and even just come across, would say hello to a younger child, they may not play with them, but they wouldn't ignor them or stare at them. Im sure however that at pre-school he is fine as the children are the same age, the nursary/per-school, have a respensability to report back to yu if he is finding it difficult to settle in and make freinds. I don't think you handled it particualy well, however, after the day you had, i can't blame you.

Answer 2

You're not bad, just taking things a little too personally. Sometimes kids are shy around strangers, especially with strange adults close by. They're also a little older so they might not know how to respond or been told not to associate with any strangers & at that age would include your child. They might stare because their senses say he's harmless but most latch key kids are told not to talk to anyone they don't know.

Then you get angry which only reinforces any fear. Then you put them down though they are only a couple of years older than your son.

Once in school he's on the same footing as the others both in age & newness so he shouldn't have any problems. Plus it's a safe place to talk to strangers.

Dad, you sound like someone who was rejected alot by others when you were little so you're overly protective to try to keep your son from being hurt like you were. They weren't threatening him in anyway & evidently it didn't bother him much so why intervene & give him an idea from your anger that anyone who doesn't respond to him as being defective.

It'd be nice if everyone responded they way we think they should but for various reasons many don't. But we learn socialization skills from dealing with different responses. If you jump to his defense everytime when there's no real threat how will he ever learn? Calm down some. Choose your battles. If the worse thing your son ever experiences is stares then consider him blessed. Save your fights for when he's really threatened so you'll be around to help him, instead of dead from high blood pressure or a heart attack.

Answer 3

I can understand where you are coming from on this, you are trying to teach your son to be open, outgoing and friendly so that he can make friends later on at school. However, I think you need to consider that (a) a lot of kids are taught not to speak to strangers - even little kids - and so maybe that is why they didn't respond and (b) maybe you shouldn't be encouraging your child to speak to strangers, it is quite dangerous actually. I suspect that these kids have probably become a bit gormless from watching too much TV (modern epidemic) - do you really want your son to try to socialise with absolutely everyone without discernment? Also please note that I used to be like your son, always trying to be friendly to other kids, and this got me bullied as they see it as a sign of weakness - i.e. they must be superior to your son as your son so badly wants to know them. So beware! Since I starting blanking people there are no bullies in my life, and yes I have loads of friends but I choose them wisely. Be careful not to insult deaf people too - being deaf is a disability and not a sign of stupidity, this is quite offensive. The stuff with your brother you probably can't do a lot about unfortunately, dad won't turn him out on the streets so you just have to accept it I fear.

Answer 4

Ok... Playing Devil's Advocate here.

Well, these kids are school age. They probaby think it is strange for a 3 yr old to come up and talk to them like that. They know how old they are... and how young he is and also know they should not socialize with someone so much younger.

When I was 7 I had a neighborhood 2-3 yr old that would constantly try to follow me. Her parents would send her out to play with the older kids (6-7 yr olds) and expect us to watch her and keep her busy. We hated it because we were obviously so different from each other. We kinda ignored the kid because as kids ourselves we did not know how to deal with toddlers. I am not saying this is your case, but maybe they think it is a bit strange. Perhaps they don't know how to deal with smaller children. They might have also been scared of you getting mad if they did try to socialize with him (being as they are much older and are not proper play mates for him). Was your son running up to them where they were, or was he just standing next to you doing this? If he ran to their space they may have felt he was 'invading' their space. If he is always trying to talk to them... then they may feel annoyed that he is constantly chatting when they are just doing their own things. They probably wonder why he is allowed to run over and interrupt their acitivities, and they are just expected to chat with him nicely for no other reason then his age (when he has disturbed them). Not saying this is your case... but it may be how the other kids feel.

Try to get your little guy some play mates with friends his own age. Your son sounds like a bright, social little guy who would probably do great with a play group or some sort of group activity. If the other kids don't know how to handle him, then do you really want them to be his friends anyways? Put his social skills to use with buddies his own age. That may help and just have him avoid the school age kids. That way he won't be hurt if they never speak to him. Obviously him being social is a good thing, but also teach him that some people are not as social and to learn when not to talk to people. It is OK that not everyone in the world likes him.

Answer 5

Not bad, you had had a bad day but perhaps not wise. You don't want these kids to target your son because they don't like you. Perhaps you could try to make peace when you next see them? Kids are funny, they don't have the social skills of adults so I don't think they are purposefully being nasty to your son. If you make a point of being pleasant and saying hello to them they will soon forget about it and might even start to be more friendly towards your son.

Answer 6

I think that was a little unnecessary. What other kid's do is not any of your concern really. If you really want to do something about it, try introducing the kids to each other in a calm way. Being mean to other kids, in any situation, will only ensure that your son has no friends. Since these kids are older, he probably shouldn't be playing with them anyway. But when it comes to kids his own age, it's almost always better to try to let them work things out on their own. You can't protect your son from everything. What happens when he goes to school and someone is mean to him, and you're not there. He has to learn to cope with this type of thing himself. If he doesn't, he will never have any friends, and it will be even harder for you to watch. He's only 3, give him a little while before you worry about this. But in the future, just let the kids alone, unless they are hurting your son.

Answer 7

What's with this "Staring! Staring! Staring" business,is this you being mature and setting an example to your son,on another note ,you're not really making friends and influencing people are you,have you ever thought who's going to get the brunt of this at school?
They probably stare blankly because they think your son already has preconceived ideas about them,because you go around looking down your nose at them "latch key kids"who do you think you are,the lord of the manor.
In answer to your main question,yes i do think you're bad,start learning how to set a proper example to your son,and come down off your high horse.
If you don't like my answer then you shouldn't have posted the question.

Answer 8

I know how you feel and I don't think you're bad. My 3 1/2 year old is the same, he goes to everybody and says hello and introduces himself, and sometime even adults just look at him and turn away. He then comes to me and asks me why they didn't say hello back. I feel like going to this people and saying: "is it too much to ask to just say hello back?" But I just keep quiet and explain to him that some people are busy or something along those lines.

I wouldn't worry too much about it if I was you.

Answer 9

Well I have a 8 mos old son and i could SEE how you can feel and I think saying thier stupid was wrong DEAF..not so much. Maybe those kids don't know manners like your son lol~!! maybe their parents never taught them how to respond to other kids who are polite. I think its very very cute that your son introduces himself like that :) Also, I can see your frustration when they don't respond to him because he's so precious and just trying to make friends and they just shut him down like that. You certainly hope that this won't effect him in a way where he will learn rejection so you could try explaining this to him, hes only 3 but this is their prime time in learning EVERYTHING!!!! good luck

Answer 10

My oldest daughter is TERRIFIED of strangers, even if the strangers are kids younger than she is. She will never talk to a new person until she feels relaxed, comfortable, and safe. Guess what? Most of her friends are the same way - they play loudly and happily together, but if a stranger somes over, they will retreat into shyness. Maybe your son is trying to talk to a group of kids like that.

Yes, you are bad - if you talked to my daughters and her friends like that, they would have been distraught for the rest of the day.