how do i avoid a huge scene from a child at my wedding?

Question

I know this sounds stupid but at my brother's wedding, the bride's niece was totally out of hand. It seemed that she had no discipline in her raising at ALL! She was the flower girl and I understand that children are children but during the ceremony she was just stomping all over the alter and yelling and just talking like NO ONE else was there and no one did ANYTHING about it! Then the mother of the bride played a song on the piano and the little girl went over there and started banging on the piano and no one did anything!!! I was sooo shocked! Through everything she was doing, not one person took her aside or told her to be a good girl or anything!!

So now after that happened, I DEF want to make sure that doesn't happen at my wedding, so my question is how do I let parents know, or should i say no children allowed at wedding unless they are babies, or does this sound REALLY rare to happen and most likely people would have done something? Just give me your feedback!

that's what I was thinking, but then you know there are some people who can't find a sitter and HAVE to bring them, what then!?!

when kids do funny things that's ok, but this little girl was DEF out of control stomping and yelling and riping decorations down and ruining music trying to be played

I know there will be a flower girl and a ring bearer (my nephew), so is that ok that they will be the only 2 children at the wedding?

Sorry so many details and questions, I just want my wedding to go as I have dreamed but not offend anyone at the same time.

Answer 1

i would make the invitation out to mr and mrs. so and so, NOT FAMILY!

in my experience in life, parents have this natural ability to ignore their own child's behavior, but other people, typically those who do not have children, can not. so this little br...i mean LOVELY CHILD was misbehaving and her mother (person in charge of her, ect) was ignoring her and everyone else felt out of place to do anything.

children are very unpredictable, they are good one day, then ...terrors the next. it is not a bad thing you are thinking of the what ifs, especially after what you have witnessed. i truly pray that does not happen to you. just make sure to make out the invitation that way and watch the RSVP's when they come make to see if they put more than 2. If that happens, call them and let them know this is an adult only event.

**if people really can not get a sitter and it is important to you that person attends, you can hirer your own sitter so they can still be there on your special day.

Answer 2

You can always have her sit on the front row with mommy, daddy, grandma or grandpa during the wedding instead of standing up with the rest of the wedding party. She can have coloring books or small toys, that way she can be occupied.

You can also bribe her. Get her a gift, kinda like how you get a gift for bridesmaids. Get her a doll or something she would like, but she can't have it until after the wedding. Tell her she can only have it if she is good, and specify what good is (no running around, stay quite) I'm not usually the "bribe the kids" sort of person, but in some cases, you want some sort of guarentee that it will all go as planned.

If you are in a church that has a baby room for normal church service, maybe put a sign or a note in the program that it is avaiable for "up-set children". Then parents know that it won't be considered rude (but welcomed) for crying/disruptive children to be taken out.

Maybe get a babysitter during the ceremony. A sitter might not cost too much if there are only a few kids. Parents might appreciate that as well, but ask them if they would like that as an option first.

If a baby sitter isn't an option, maybe get a few coloring books and crayons for the kids instead of programs. You can get them pretty cheap, and it will be a welcomed treat for the kiddos.

Answer 3

If you don't want to come right out and say that the children aren't welcome, get a sitter to have on site. Set aside a room, or somewhere separate where they kiddies can have fun while the ceremony is going on. Make sure it looks appealing to the kids and parents- have fun stuff planned and enough responsible babysitters. You don't want to make it seem like you are shoving their kids in a corner in order to have peace & quiet.

You could even have that as an option during all or part of the reception. For example- you might have the first hour for families, and for everyone to eat, then when the dancing starts somehow (tactfully) have someone announce that there is childcare and activities planned for the kids.

Be prepared though for kids that want to stay with their parents. Some kids just won't go to a stranger in situations like this- no matter how fun you make it for them. Hopefully the parents will "get it" that you don't want disruptions since they will see that the other children are off elsewhere having fun.

If there is a child that starts acting up, have someone designated to quietly approach them and say "did you know that they are having fun and games back there for the kids?" or something very nicely to draw it to the parent's attention that yes, everyone is noticing your child being loud.

You can't avoid all disruptions though. Just make the best of whatever happens. :)

Answer 4

Firstly, what you've described sounds pretty rare. Most of the "disturbances" I've seen children cause at weddings have been of the cute, harmless, non-disruptive variety. And in truth, the majority of those would have been made far worse and been a far bigger scene if someone had run up the alter and scolded the child.

Secondly, it would be extremely rude to send anything in the invitation or by word of mouth about the way you expect children to behave at your wedding. People might take it as an attack on how they raise their kids. So, in my opinion, the only polite way to make sure a child doesn't cause a scene is to not have an adult only ceremony and reception. And I wouldn't say "babies only" either, I would do a blanket no kids if you are going to do it.

If you have children in your ceremony make sure they are no younger than three and really around the age of five would be best. They will still be cute, but will be old enough to understand how to behave appropriately. And practice, practice, practice with them! Make sure they know when to walk, sit, smile, etc and have a bridesmaid or groomsmen assigned to help them out.

Hope that helps!

Answer 5

Well for a start this child sounds so out of control and unusually naughty. And he parents need a swift kick up the bum for letting her get away with it! They are going to suffer in years to come if they continue to let her get away with this kind of behavior.
First thing I would suggest is definitely dont invite THIS particular child to your wedding....and if it cant be helped, dont have her in the bridal party. Choose carefully if you are having child attendants, make sure you know what their behavior is like out in public, and coach them carefully before the big day!!
I am a big fan of no kids at weddings, especially if they are really formal events. Not only can they misbehave but sometimes the parents cannot enjoy themselves if they are running around after their children. As a mother i Would rather get a sitter and then really enjoy myself and be able to relax. Perhaps if there are a lot of people with children coming, and you dont want to offend anyone, you could hire a sitter , to take care of everyones children. When I got married years ago, I had kids at the wedding, because all my sisters had small ones. And I was really close to them all. But I didnt invite any other kids. It offended my husbands aunts and what not, but you have to draw the line somewhere. It would of cost a fortune to have all those brats there.
Having said that I am a mother of 5 girls, and in April 3 of my girls were flower girls for my Nephew and his bride. They were perfect little angels. Everyone commented on their behavior and how sweet they were. I coached them before hand on what was acceptable behavior and they did me proud and loved every minute of being in the wedding. It was such a treat for them. So kids can be part of a wedding without spoiling it.
Dont stress too much about it. Kids are usually pretty well behaved. Good luck

Answer 6

You could always just invite adults to the wedding. It's perfectly acceptable to address the invitations to Mr. & Mrs. and leave off the "and family." You could also have your reception cards say something like "adult reception to follow ceremony" if you don't think parents will get the idea just from the invitation wording.

If, on the other hand, you don't want to exclude children but want to make sure they behave, set up an area in the reception hall just for them. Buy some coloring books and crayons, have kid-friendly snacks, a few inexpensive toys, etc, to keep them entertained. You can let them take them home with them as favors. You might also want to give them something to keep them busy during the ceremony as well. As long as they're supervised, distracted, and not bored, kids will usually behave pretty well.

Answer 7

When I got married, I didn't want kids at my wedding, because I was afraid of kids running amok. So what I did was hire a babysitter and had the babysitter keep the kids. The parents were able to enjoy the wedding and the reception without having to chase after their kids.

You do not have to say "no kids" on the wedding invitation. On the inner envelope, you write down the names of the people that are invited. If you don't include the kids' names, that should clue them that the kids are not invited. However, I would have a babysitter on hand and a room available with toys and movies to entertain the kids, if parents insist on bring their kids.

Answer 8

I think that was a rare experience. Usually the parents will keep a close eye on their child and not allow that to happen. If you don't want children to attend your wedding than you need to be specific on the invitation like saying Mr. & Mrs. John Jones. then on the R.S.V.P. card fill in the amount if that is possible. You also need to be selective when choosing your Ring bearer and Flower girl. If you are limited in your choices and you feel the child might not cooperate then have one of the parents sitting on the front row close enough for them to gracefully have the child sit with them. Let the parent know a head of time that they would be seated up close in case they are needed for the child to come to. That will say what is expected to the parent at that time. Sometimes if the child knows a parent is up front and watching them they don't test the waters.

Answer 9

Don't let the fear of a misbehaved child stop you from inviting kids. Talk to your mom and his mom, and explain that you do NOT want children to misbehave during the ceremony, and that they are in charge of silencing those kids.

If a child acts up at the wedding, and your mother (or his mom) steps up to pull the child away, I guarantee you that at least of the parents will get to the kid first. In fact, you can probably designate any adult to take charge, and the parents will still rush over there.

Most people would have done something. Perhaps the mother of the kid was under instructions from the bride to let her be a natural child. Sometimes the couple wants children there because they look forward to the "antics."

Answer 10

The behavior you experienced is rare; however, child misbehavior can occur. Unfortunately there is no way to say please control your children during the wedding in the invitation. Some options are...


1) not invite children at all (this is not uncommon)
2) If the location of the wedding has a "cry room" or extra room, have the children placed there with someone to watch over them
3) direct your ushers to speak to parents of unruly children, and escort them out if necessary

Congratulations and good luck with your marriage