Daughter HATES grandmother and treats her badly???

Question

My friend's daughter, "Jodi," is six years old and all the way a "girly" girl. Her grandmother, "Nani," watches her during the day while my friend is at work. Recently, my friend witnessed Jodi blatantly disregarding what her Nani asked her to do, kicking and screaming all the way. She also yells at her Nani and tells her how she doesn't have to obey anything she says. This is really hurting my friend's feelings because she raised her kids well, and she can't understand why her otherwise well-behaved daughter is treating her mother so very badly.

Any ideas? Similar situations? Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance!

She behaves well in almost all other circumstances, and does exactly what she's told by others--even me, and I'm just a family friend. It's only her Nani that she refuses to obey.

She also mentioned once that she doesn't like the clothes her Nani wears. I don't know if that's relevant.

Jodi is very outgoing and she's a beautiful little girl. Her Nani is much quieter and just an average-looking person. I wonder if Jodi isn't getting a little too big for her britches and thinking she's hot stuff. (She's only 6!!)

Answer 1

Considering she behaves with everyone else except her grandmother, and she's with her grandmother quite a lot during the week...chances are she acts this way with her grandmother because her grandmother lets her. It doesn't take long for a kid to try testing you and to figure out if you're a pushover. Sounds like she's realized her grandmother can be pushed around, yet she knows that when she with her mother or anyone else, that she must behave. This tells you that she does know how to behave and be respectful, she's just simply choosing not to when it comes to her grandmother. What needs to happen, is first of all, if her mother witnesses her doing something disrespectful, she should address it immediately. She needs to make it very clear to the child that she must give the same respect to her grandmother that she gives to her own mother. Also, the mother and the grandmother need to sit down and have a talk, where the grandmother can address any issues she has with the child, the mother too, and together they need to come up with a solution that works for both of them. Basically, they need to compare notes. Maybe the grandmother doesn't realize she's being a pushover, or doesn't realize that the child behaves better for everyone except her. The child needs to have the same rules at her grandmother's home as she does at her home. The mother needs to make sure the grandmother knows this. And the consequences should be the same for every offense. Once the child realizes that everything is the same as it is at home, and her punishments are the same, she will act better.

Answer 2

The grandmother seems to have lost her grandchilds respect. Is it possible that the grandmother slowly starting with little things has let this grandchild back talk, and know it's exploded into zero respect.
I don't believe in anyone spanking someone else's child or disaplining in anger.
But this grandmother needs to enforce rules, children are not little demons, they learn to behave in certain ways. And when its a disrespectful way, its' usually because the adult did not response to the attutude promptly and put an end to it.
Hope that helps.
And I would not go as far to say she is being sexually or physically abused, that's a rash statement not knowing very much about the situtation.
It's all about making consequences that would hit home for bad behavior. And grandma has to stick with it, and never give in.
Is the mother dressing her daughter and instilling thoughts of being a fashion queen is what life is about......this is wrong.

Answer 3

Sometimes there's underlaying issues. I'd advise your friend to sit down with her daughter and have a heart to heart. Asking why she doesn't like her Nani? And why she thinks treating her Nani in the manner she has is acceptable?

You never know- Maybe the grandmother has ALLOWED the 6 yr old to treat her that way- or maybe there is something going on in the household that shouldn't.

I would think it would be the mother's job to find out why -> and then act on the information accordingly.

Answer 4

Your friend needs to discipline Jodi. She needs to make it clear that whatever Nani says should be treated with the same respect it would be given if she (Jodi's Mom) had said it. Nani also needs to be given the ability to discipline Jodi.

Now I am a believer in spanking but I believe that job should be reserved for the parents.

Answer 5

What ever the issue your mother has with you, its on her, not you. You don't go into much else. Do you have sibling? How old is Mom? Is Mom on her own? With all this negativity, why be around her? Unless you are taking care of her, there is no reason to subject yourself to her cruelty. Even if you are caring for her, hire a home health aide to relieve you of this pressure for a few hours every day. As far as insight, only you and your family can answer your questions. We are outsiders. It doesn't have to be one thing. Your mother sounds terribly unhappy and unbalanced. You don't have to let her control you,no matter what the issue is. Her hatefulness sounds more like spitefulness. The thing is, you got it right. You have given your daughter the life you wanted her to have. Sweet lady, seek out the help of a therapist

Answer 6

Usually when children react this way there is a reason...psychologically speaking. I would definatly be looking at Nani for the answers. Nanni or someone in that home is either sexually or physically or emotionally abusing that child when no one is looking. I think she had better ask her daughter some very pointed questions and teach her about her body parts andhow no one can touch them...etc... That child is hurting from something...Good Luck!! Sounds tough.

Answer 7

i didn't care much for my grand mom when i was younger myself. she was mostly nice to me except for making it clear that i didn't mean as much as a boy/my brother bcse as a girl i didn't carry on the family name. when my mom heard that she told my gm maybe she'll just have a bunch of kids out of wedlock and they will keep her last name....
my gm also told me i was found in a garbage can.
she could cook the heck out of meals
but being from the old country in europe- girls didn't mean as much.
but i was never mean mean to her, i just didn't listen and paid her no real mind.
i knew if i back talked her i would get a crack on the butt so maybe you need to tell "nani" to give her a good whack on the butt when "jodi" does her like she does

poor behavior like that shouldn't be tolerated.

Answer 8

That is weird. Try getting your friend to talk to her daughter (well...there's a concept...) to find out what the root of this "hate" comes from. If this little girl is as "well-behaved" as you say she is, it could be something the grandmother has, purposely or accidentally, did.

Answer 9

Your friend should sit her daughter down and ask why she acts like that, there has to be a reason maybe something happend? If she is just being a brat she needs to tell her to stop and punish her for it some how

Answer 10

Well, I know I'm going to get thumbs down for saying this, but she needs her butt spanked & told that she can't act that way, it's rude, disrespectful & it hurts her "Nani's" feelings.