Wedding Reception invite etiquette.?

Question

This has been bothering me all day - so I'll just ask the community. My husband's sister has a best friend she's known for almost 20 years. She got married in Tahoe in Nov and had a reception last weekend. It was a small gathering, 50 people which turned into 75 at their home. We were not invited. However my hubby's parents were, and of course his sister and her bf. Now - i invited this girl to my baby shower - her and her mom. I had never met her before, but there was alot of people on my hubby's side invited i never met before. Anyway, that is the sole and only time I met her. My question is - don't you think its rude she didnt invite us to the reception - not even a card announcing the wedding (surely we would've at least sent a gift!) - It is a close & special person to her sister - so why wouldn't she invite us. I think it's rather rude and disrespectful to my hubby. He really doesn't care but once I pointed it out to him - he agreed it was a lil' rude - What would you think/feel?

Also, i mentioned to his mom this morning that we would've liked to go-and kinda whimpered "why didn't they invite us" and she just kinda laughed it off. I think it is kind of a slam to my hubby because him and his sis have always had different social circles - but nevertheless, it is just him and his sister as siblings. how do you invite the parents, and at least not him - am i being irrational?

ALSO REMEMBER before responding that this girl invited my hubby's PARENTS as well. It's just my hubby and sister and his parents in their family. This girl has been like the sister his sister has never had. Kinda like family. This wouldn't of been an issue to me if his parents were not even invited.

I have read the first 7-8 responses and obviously the majority of you don't agree with me. Perhaps I am being too sensitive and not thinking rationally, given that this girl and my hubby have never hung out together or anything as friends. I guess I just feel bad for my hubby and the role he plays in his family which is the boring backburner type of person with no friends. In the event he had a diff personality and some interest in his sis's social life, hell, even some interest in HIS social life, then maybe they would've considered an invite - I know their budget was an issue. Plus like I said, him and his sis, which are only 2 years apart, don't share social circles at all really.

and oH yea..for the baby shower, i invited her because she really wanted to come with his sister...and his mom said "oh yea...we need to invite (the girls name)'s Mom too" - and they had no problems with attending. So that's how they ended up at my baby shower - it's not like i went after them to invite. They are very close to his mom and sister...extremely close - they've taken trips and everything together - thus........some of my rational for my question.

Also, my husband has never even met this dude...ever! -They've dated for like 2-3 years now...so it wouldve been a good opportunity for us to meet them. As we have lots of similar things in common #1- we are both interracial couples #2 we both got married in the same city and #3 we both got married within the last year or two....

I want to retract my last comment, i dont care what you guys say....us not being invited was Rude!

Answer 1

If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way, however I don't necessarily think it really was disrespectful. If it was 200 people, then yes. It was a smaller gathering though. So although I can understand your feelings, I would have to say that it wasn't really rude.

Answer 2

Ok I want to make sure I have this correct. You have only met this girl once. Why exactly did you expect to be invited? You don't allow email so I couldn't ask this before I answer.

However as far as an announcement--definitely not. A lot of people see announcements as rude. Some people feel if you weren't close enough to be invited, you don't need to be informed. She probably did not send announcements at all--so you weren't left out. She didn't send any.

You agree that your husband and his sister do not have the same friends--so he is not close to this girl either. Do your friend's always invite your husband's sister to weddings? Did you invite your best friend's siblings, even if you don't know them? I realize you feel slighted but I just really don't understand why.

You don't know her. Why would you be invited? If she was really close to your sister, there is a chance your parents have met her more than once. They might have been there for her numerous times. I invited one of my bridesmaids parent's simply b/c she was flying a long way to my wedding and I thought as she was coming back to the East Coast, she might like to see her parents while she was here.

You said you realized budget was an issue (since they had only 75 people at the wedding), you realize the bride doesn't know you or your husband--soon you will realize that it was not a slight to not invite someone you don't know to your wedding. Consider discussing with your mom why she laughed it off. I'm sure she'll be able to explain it better than we could on here.

Answer 3

No, I don't think it was rude or disrespectful at all. For my daughter's wedding we invited 100 people, and for my son's, each side got to invite 75 people. That means that a whole lot of people that you know do not get invited. We definitely did not invite the bride and groom's best friends' siblings.
And as far as sending you an announcement, many people feel that sending an announcement is like asking for a gift. For that reason, they either do not send out announcements, or limit them to just a few people who would not have been able to attend the wedding, or in this case the reception.
You seem a little sensitive. Could it be because of hormones if you have just given birth?
If you want to be friendly toward your sister-in-law's best friend, you could still send a card or a small gift.

Answer 4

I'm afraid if anyone needs a crash course in wedding etiquette, it's you, my dear. You met this girl once. You are not now, nor are you ever likely to be, friends. The fact she was invited to your baby shower only reiterates that she is a friend of your husbands family (i.e., your mother in law felt it would be nice to include her).

And since you so often pointed out that you and your husband and his sister move in different "social circles" - would you really have felt comfortable attending a wedding where you so obviously didn't know anyone besides your husbands family? What would you say to other guests? "Oh, we don't really know the bride and groom, we're just related to her best friend?"

Quit obsessing about an invitation to a wedding that had nothing to do with you. As you pointed out - this woman is a "close and special person" to your husbands sister - not a "close and special person" to your husband. Get over it - move on - and quit trying to insinuate yourself into occasions where you so obviously don't belong.

Answer 5

It's not even remotely close to anything even slightly related to rude.

Who is invited to her wedding is solely up to her and her fiance. Whether or not you had previously invited her to an event of any type has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not she should invite you. She probably didn't invite you because she couldn't afford to feed you...I'm guessing you'd have been more upset if you had gone to the reception and there wasn't appropriate food for everyone than you are now at not being invited.

Just because two women are good friends doesn't mean that one has to invite the other's entire extended family to her parties.

Answer 6

You are correct in stating that the girl should have invited you, because she invited both his parents and sister. It was rude of her not to invite you and your husband, especially if he has known her for close to 20 years.

If they had 75 people 2 more would not have made any difference.

The fact is she needs a course in etiquette.

Answer 7

Sorry, but I think you are over reacting. I don't think it is rude at all. You don't invite someone to your wedding just because you were invited to something of theirs. You mentioned it was a small wedding. Maybe you were on the list of people to invite, but most times these lists need to be whittled down. She is your husband's sisters best friend. Not your friend. Maybe she had to choose between cutting you or a co-worker. You don't know. It was very nice of you to invite her to your baby shower but totally unecessary. Don't be insulted.

Answer 8

well, it was a small gathering, so don't take it personally. as for an announcement, many couples don't do this. she's not close to either you or your husband, but she is to your SIL, right? so why WOULD she invite you? she invited her good friend and her good friend's mother. that's enough. and if you only met her once, why would you wanna go? ehh, look at the bright side, now you don't have to spend the money on her..hehe.

Answer 9

You seem to be under the impression that "best friendship" is like marriage -- that this best friend must include all your Sister-In-Law's connections in the 'best friend' relationship. Your impression is incorrect. The friend does nothing inappropriate in welcoming her dear friend into her social circle without also welcoming connections of her friend who are less than dear to her.

It is very incorrect to invite people to give one presents, that is to invite people to a shower for oneself or even for ones relatives. With most parties, it is the host who is doing the favor by providing refreshment and entertainment for the guests. However, in the case of a shower, it is the guests who are doing a favor for the host, by showering the designated guest of honor with gifts. If anything, it is you who are indebted to your SIL's friend, not the other way around.

Your SIL's friend used 4 of her allotment of 25 guests on SIL and SIL's loved ones. Surely you don't resent her reserving those few remaining spots for the people who are closest to her?

If you don't want to seen as "pushy" and "climbers", you must graciously accept that this friend's fondness for your SIL does not extend to your SIL's brother and his wife.

Answer 10

wow!!!
if it isnt a direct friend f yours or your husbands then who cares that you werent invited!
of course his parents were invited since she is your sister in laws best friend.
just because you invited a bunch of people to your baby hsower you dont know doesnt mean they have to do the same for you. i would never expect to be invited to my husbands sisters best friends wedding. do you know how stupid that sounds?

stop being a baby and grow up!

to additional details: again stop being a baby and grow up!!! of course his parents were invited, they are most likely like 2nd. parents to her. get a grip!

you have some serious issues. if his sister and him dont share social circles, or are even friends, then what makes you think she would want to invite you?

WOW!!!!

Answer 11

It was not rude at all. She's not your husband's friend... the relationship is through the 'family', which is why the parents were invited. Let it go already....