Is it possiable to regain someone's trust after hurting them over and over after you said you would change?

Question

I have been in a relationship for 2 years and about 8 months ago we started to drift apart, I freaked out and thought they were cheating so I read there email. I found she was telling someone else she had feelings for them but she said she still wanted to be with me. A few months later and I read a few text messages they had been sending back and forth and she said it was just play and she still wanted to be with me. The past week I felt the strain between us grow and as much as I tried to get her to talk to me she kept saying nothing was different, that things have not changed and it must all be in my head. So I went into her email and read that she has been missing someone and she wants to tell this person but is not sure how. When I confronted her she said it was me she had been missing and that I have now crossed the line and she can never trust me again. I feel so bad for going behind her back but I would not have done it if she would just open up to me. What do I do?

Answer 1

Why has she been missing you? Sounds like you have been there for her? Maybe she said this to throw you off. Gotta stop snooping through their email though. Gets you in trouble every time!

Answer 2

First of all at least you were the person she was missing, if it wasn't that would hurt. I have been in this predicament before, actually I am somewhat dealing with it now. I didn't cheat on my significant other but I did betray his trust and even though it has been almost 7 months since the incident has happened and he knows I meant no harm by it, it still bothers him and he will sometimes bring it up out of the blow, which is now hurting us as a couple and killing me on the inside. Now i have put some untrustworthiness in him when it comes to me wanting to go out or do other things, and i totally regret and have apologized for it multiple times but it still doesn't stop him from bringing it up or it bothering him on the inside. It also depends on the person and the harshness of the situation. Some people take a while to get over things and some people don't. And some things are just harder to forget, and other people use what you did as a crutch to lean on everytime something comes up, and that's the worst trust me, But just be modest, apologize even though you already have and continue to find ways to make yourself trustworthy, in the end things will work out, but keep in mind "things working out" doesn't mean it may work out your way. So just keep trying and let them know how you feel. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Dear Cheeter, I think you have set up some walls and also gone over some of them without invitation. You should never read another persons mail, email, messages, etc., even if you suspect they are unfaithful. There is such a thing as personal privacy. Like, for instance, I would never go into my loved one's wallet/purse, or go through their drawers. In any relatinship there must be trust. If you have a hard time trusting people you should seek out some counseling. And invite your girl friend to join you. You both have some intimacy issues. If you have to go alone, then you may already be out of this relationship. But please, I implore you to seek out a good counselor that deals with relationships. We as humanbeings tend to repeat our mistakes over and over again until we learn from them. You may be able to avoid this by some soul searching. Also, some people are so afraid of intimacy they will never be able to quit cheeting. Chocta Mama

Answer 4

...you have been honest straight up and forthcoming actually.....and unfortunately there are some individuals on this planet that just simply can't seem to honor an honest moment...even when it stands right in front of them reasonably. They are conflicted anxietied people with great intentions?....and lousy follow through. I know...because one of them just left me recently too. I'm glad she's gone now though. Even though I still love her deeply....we will never be together again....she cheated on me directly one too many times already. She can have the cheaters life any way she wants it. It damages her further for the next true blue guy that comes along to her otherwise. How painful and disastrous a life like that must feel.

Answer 5

Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.
Privacy is another one of the most important things and you broke two important barriers.
with that barrier being broke then communication would be out the door sooner or later...
To get back to that point of Confidence you will have to give her some space because if you push you'll lose your partner so pushing in any form well have consequences...

Answer 6

What do you do?

You remove your self from this relationship because its obvious that you arent able to handle it. And if you truly care about the other person you would realize that your lack of trust is hurtful to them.

I know its hard for you to see but you need to do some soul searching.

Answer 7

u know its hard. because she's constantly hurting u, and giving u every reason to kick her out of ur life. but it starts by her showing u that u can trust her. and it only works if in ur heart u want to forgive her. and give her the chance to show u how much she wants to change, but its up to u, u have the right to let her go. or u can give her another chance. noone can really judge u.

Answer 8

OMG. Wow then tell her that. You girl is acting really stupid. You just felt unconfortable because it felt like you were drifting apart. and that was your only solution. Talk to her. But next time just talk first, ask questions tell her you love her and that opeing up to you makes you feel like things are ok. Its all about comunication

Answer 9

You were wrong. Invasion of privacy. Ask for forgiveness. The person has a right to not tell you something.

Answer 10

talk. and you heart will do the rest