We're afaird mother in-law will make embarrasing speach at our wedding, how can we get her not to say anything

Question

Our wedding is in 2 weeks, today my fiancee's mother called, she said a few things that shocked us. But one of them was that she wanted to say a speach, well his mom and dad have been divorced for over 20 years, he is remarried but she isn't. She is still very bitter about everything and makes it clear that she doesn't like him or his new wife (we don't really like her either but his dad loves her so we keep our feelins to ourselves). Well she said that she was going to welcome me into HER family, not his dad's, and then she stated that she didn't want his new wife introduced into the reception like the rest of the wedding party and with my parents. She doesn't even want her invited, we had to sit his dad and his step mom at the table with my parents, cause she said if we sat them with her she would have a few words. After hearing this we are now worried that she might say something in her speach, he has told her if she does then he'll kick her a** out and she will miss the rest.

She then started crying saying that he was her only child and he couldn't do this to her, well in our minds she is doing it to herself. But we worked it out, she said that she feels she should be able to say what she wants. She isn't paying for the wedding, we have paid for everything ourselves. She has tired to control everything and tell me what to do, but i have stood up and said no this far. If we tell her she can't come to the wedding then his family on his mom's side won't come, well if we let her come and she makes a rude speach about his dad and his wife, do we have the right to make her leave, or just deal with it until after, any suggestions would be great, thanks.

Answer 1

Have her write down her speech and make sure it is appropriate for the wedding, if it is not, then she is not allowed to make the speech. That simple. Tell her that.

Answer 2

I was in my friends wedding a few months ago, and we had this exact same problem (it's scary, the details match perfectly!).

The bride and groom told the mother-in-law (groom's mother) that the only people that were allowed to give speeches were the Maid of Honor and the Best Man, Both the rehersal dinner and the reception venues were rented for certian amount of time and there was an agenda for each event. If everyone was allowed to make speeches, we would run into scheduling issues that wouldn't allow us to finish everything we needed to do. If she goes into "But I'm your mother!", just stand strong and tell her that is the decision you've made, and she should respect your wishes.
If she starts doing her crazy ranting about the new wife and your dad, you have to sit her down and tell her that no matter what you love her. But she cannot take what is supposed to be the happiest day/time in your lives and turn it into her own personal fiasco to let her anger out on her ex-husband. If your father (in law) and his wife were doing what she was doing, you'd treat him the same way. It's not fair that she is making you choose between them. You cannot NOT invite the wife of your father.
During the rehersal and wedding, put some guys from her family on "patrol". Designate a trusted uncle, cousin, family friend, to keep and eye on her. Don't let her drink too much. (that's when she'll be more likely to throw her promises into the wind and make a scene). Make sure she has someone to dance with. If she gets out of control, have the guys take her out of the building. It sounds bad, but you shouldn't have to deal with that on YOUR wedding day.
Also make sure to complement and praise her on the wedding day. Thank her "so much" for being there. Tell her she looks beautiful. She wants this to be a pitty party all about her, so make her think you are giving in.

As for my friends' wedding, everything went realitively smooth. Nothing happened that the guests would have picked up on, but there was some rude comments made under her breath. All and all the day went as scheduled. The "patrol" was the best idea!

Answer 3

oh my gosh.. and i thought i had it bad! wow do you have your hands full...
okay.. i guess just tell mom this: dad isn't allowed to make a speach, so she doesn't have to either. if you are dead set on her making a speech (and it sounds like you're not) then have her write the speech out and give you a copy of it before hand. Tell her that you won't tolerate any cattyness on YOUR wedding day (because its your day, not hers) so that if she plans on saying anything nasty, she can do so at a seperate occasion. Tell her that any deviations from the speech will land her in hot water, and will not be tolerated. make sure she doesn't get her little hands on any liquid courage, and if she's giving a speech, make sure that she doesn't have anythign up her sleeve in the way of speeches you may have no proof read!

The whole part about her accepting you into HER family is conceited. She could easily say "the family" liek everyone else. she sounds liek a pot stirrer.

And even though you guys don't love the stepmom, its kind of customary to introduce parents and steps... especially if she has been with his dad for a long time... this begs the question though, who is paying for the wedding? if its mommy dearest, you are in a very tough spot, because as the one financing it she should have say in who gets recognition for it. How did you word your invitations? was his step mother included on them? if so, then announce her. if not, don't. Its optional really. are you close with stepmom? would this hurt her feelings? would you care? would she cause trouble by not being included?


i feel for you... and in fact, your future mother in law sounds like a real walk in the park... i honestly would like to see her miserable at your wedding becuase she sounds like such a pain in the a**... but becuase its your wedding, i hope it goes smoothly.

Maybe you can dope her???

Answer 4

Your husband-to-be sounds like a keeper -- a real grownup with maturirty, a spine, and a low tolerance for BS -- good for the both of you!

I don't think you should let her speak, even with a warning, and even with the DJ poised to switch off her mike should things go south. Let everyone know in advance. Otherwise, you will spend every moment between now until the time she puts the mike down living in pure dread of what might come. You don't need that, and you and your fiance deserve to plan the wedding and enjoy your special day without a dark cloud of forboding hanging over your heads.

I also think that her threat of a boycott by her side of the family may be more bark than bite. If she thought about it, she would realize how embarrassing it would be for her to have to tell her relatives why she wants to ruin her son's wedding. Unless she is truly a sociopath who wants to bet cut out of her son's life (and her future grandchildrens' lives) forever, she won't try to get people to cancel their RSVPs.

I'm SO sorry you have to go through this. Best wishes to you and your soon-to-be-husband.

Answer 5

YOu could try some gaffa tape over her mouth.
Or plan everything out, let the best man and the MC know about it and make sure the speeches run smoothly, then straight into the cutting of the cake etc, without giving her the chance to get up and spout her rudeness.
Let all the people who are doing the speeches know what she is planning. If it is all run smoothly and the speeches run from one to the next.....the MC will be able to handle it so she doesnt get a chance to speak. Then after wards apologise to her for the oversight. It is not worth letting her ruin your day if you can help it. Blame it on other people, and the busy ness of the day.
Good luck

Answer 6

(1) You can't invite "Mr Groomsdaddy" and not invite his wife. Etiquette insists that married couples be invited jointly to social events.

(2) Guests may not attempt to control the guest list, even when that guest is the mother of the host. ANY guest who says "If you invite so and so, then I'm not coming" should be told "I'm sorry you feel that way; we will miss having you there."

(3) Hosts are not responsible if a guest chooses to misbehave at their affair. However, there is nothing to stop hosts from instructing the DJ to "crank up the volume" to stop a guest who has committed a gaffe from further embarrassing himself/herself. The host and hostess then dig into their food, get up and dance, or otherwise signal to the party-goers what is expected from them at that moment.

The out-of-control guest can be "taken to lie down for a while" on the basis that she "isn't feeling well." That is, deal with a guest who can't handle her emotions the same way you'd deal with a guest who can't handle her champagne. The goal is for everyone to have a good time; wise party planners designate "gentle enforcers" in advance so that "unwell" guests can be prevented from spoiling things for everyone.

(4) It's understandable that "Mrs Groomsmummy" wouldn't want to socialize with her ex-husband's current wife, that she wouldn't want to be seated at the same table with them, for instance. Keep the divorced folks as seperated as possible. For instance, don't expect them to pose together for "parents of the groom" shots or to stand near each other in the receiving line. Unless the groom and his step mother are particularly close, the step mom should not have a place in the receiving line.

Answer 7

Yes, you do have the right to make a rude guest leave - even if that rude guest happens to be the mother of the groom. If necessary, she should be removed in cuffs with a police escort.

Make it perfectly plain and clear that she is not to get up and make a speech of any kind. Explain that her recent actions indicate that she wants to use your wedding as a platform to air her grievances and that will not be tolerated for a moment.

No she has no say so about anything to do with your wedding - especially since you are paying for it yourselves.

Yes, your fiance has the right to say/feel/do anything it takes to keep strife out of the ceremony/reception - even booting his own mother out.

Now, gather your allies - cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. and have them run interference with MIL and keep her away from Dad and his new wife - and especially away from the microphone.

Answer 8

Give the DJ or whoever will be in charge specific instructions not to hand her a mic. When its over with, if she says anything, you can blame it on the DJ. Damage control is an art. Usually wedding professionals are quite skilled in it. Keep whoever else you can (I.E. wedding planner if you have one, DJ, caterer, bartender, best man, etc.)on MIL duty to make sure she stays in line. Of course, just pick one person to keep an eye on her or give each person something specific to look out for. Like if you're afraid she'll drink too much and loosen her tongue, instruct the bartender to water down her drinks or cut her off if she starts to get really tipsy.

Answer 9

I would have a few of my buddies act as "bouncers" at the door, and as soon as this woman steps out of line, I would give them the signal to throw her a$* out! You don't need some crazy woman spoiling your wedding! Especially if she is allowed to give a speach! Ever see the movie The Wedding Singer with Adam Sandler? Remember the part where he starts going off on the guests calling them nerds, fat, and everything else! OMG! What a disaster! Nope. She needs to know that this is YOUR day, and if she even thinks of stepping out of line, she is gone!

Answer 10

Have your son tell her that he wants this to be your special day and if she loves him she will not choose that night to express her feelings and animoscity towards his Dad and step mom. Have him tell her that you both appreciate that she wants to welcome you into her family and you already feel welcome. The reception is not the time to make a scene which is what she wants...and she is being selfish! If she decides to attend ask a family member or wedding party member to keep an eye on her for you and if she gets out of line have them ask her to leave...let them be the bouncers and enjoy your evening. Don't let her be the party crasher!

Answer 11

Well, eventually you're doing the correct factor. It used to be on no account your accountability to manage this; it used to be your fiance's accountability. It is his household & he's accountable of telling them the information. approximately the marriage ceremony. Since his mom is surely somewhat crazy, or probably simply pushy, you are going to each ought to watch out from right here on out. Make certain you each agree that because she surely has her possess strategies approximately how you will have the marriage ceremony, you have got to make a vow of silence approximately the marriage ceremony wherein she is worried. DO NOT allow her recognize any of the information. till she most likely has to. Do no longer inform her the colours; simply inform her to put on any colour she desires. Do no longer inform her the flower colours, or something! Then, on the marriage ceremony, have an neutral get together, similar to your marriage ceremony coordinator searching for her and the daugther and granddaughter. Make certain they intercept them if they are trying to make a scene, or worse but, attempt to sneak down the aisle with the attendants! If want be, have an off-responsibility cop there simply in case they have got to be requested to depart. Hopefully it may not come to that, however you on no account recognize. Although, in case you have no longer employed a coordinator, you must severely do not forget it! In instances like this, I have observed that individuals who could mostly motive a scene, are on their first-rate habits while a stranger is accountable.