I am pregnant with my second child and I'm worried that I will either not love this child in the same way I love my first - Otherwise I feel guilty that I will love this child, and it will feel like a betrayal to my first child. I love my first child sooo much and I'm already feeling guilty. Is this common?
2007-07-16 07:44:19 · 16 answers · asked by APPLE123 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I can relate. My kids are 2 and 9months. Do not worry you will have enough love for two (or six for that matter). It might not be love at first sight, but you will fall in love with your second the same way you fell in love with your first.
As for the guilt issue... I think every Mom worries about this. I have had this conversation with a group of moms once or twice and really you will start to feel more like you are spending more time with the first child. He/She will be there to demand you attention while a baby will be entertained by the older sibling.
I made my daughter part of the care process, it keeps her involved and gives us something to do together.
I was very worried before the birth of my second, but after he got here, I really feel much calmer in general. I feel like I am a better mom to the two than I was with just the one.
Everything is so much easier the second time and you are not doing damage to your first little love. He or she will be a more balanced less selfish person with a sibling. Besides -it is too late now! Congratulations and good luck!
2007-07-16 07:59:52 · answer #1 · answered by Laurie W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! I felt the same too! the thing is you worry you could never love a child as much as you do your first, but you do, I have three children and they are all loved equally and are all so different!You will have to watch your first for signs of jealousy, and involve them from before the new baby is born. Let them help pick a gift for the new baby etc and get the oldest a gift from the new baby, works a treat, and good luck!
2007-07-16 14:51:26 · answer #2 · answered by H1976 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how common it is or isn't, but I felt the same way. I was pregnant with my son and I was SOOOO worried I wasn't going to love him the same way. His daddy's and I were fighting of and on, and I was tired of it. I didn't really want to have ANOTHER attachment to him. We already had a daughter. Now that me son is here I love him to death, just as much as my daughter, but at the same time I feel like I'm neglecting my daughter sometimes, or that I get so stressed I yell at her to much for things that aren't really her fault or responsibilty. I think though that as my son gets older and my life gets less stressful I will learn to manage things better. When my daughter was little I learned to have all the patience in the world with her and unfortunately that has changed having two kids, a early morning job, and tons of bills.
2007-07-16 15:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by dvnlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very common feelings, from what I understand.
I felt the same. I felt like I would, for sure, be shortchanging my 2nd child because I could not imagine being able to love anyone else as much as I love my first.
I was wrong. Once you get to know that 2nd child, you will find out that you love him/her with all of your heart, too. *And*, you will love your *family*, the way they learn from each other and encourage each other along the way.
2007-07-16 16:58:13 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've got one with one on the way too. I have the same feelings. It's like I KNOW I will be able to love this baby but it's just so hard to imagine loving another child as much as my first. I wouldn't be too worried though. I didn't feel completely connected to my first for about 3 weeks after she was born. It's like meeting someone new but wayyyyyyy more meaningful when you 'get to know them'.
2007-07-16 14:52:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will love them both. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You should be happy that you have more to love. Once you have this one, your feelings will change. It is bc you cannot perceive loving another as much as you love your child now. Trust me, you will. I felt the same way when I was carrying my second.
2007-07-16 14:53:18 · answer #6 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think that is a very common fear for most moms. But trust me you will love both children the same and as they grow you will still love them the same but different, because every child is different. Take it from me I have 5 kids ages 16,13,11,5,& 4. I love them all. I felt the same with my 2nd when I was pregs with my 3rd. I felt so bad like it was too soon but everything was fine. He is fine so are all of them. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
2007-07-16 14:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Wandering Jenni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely! My grandmother felt this way with her second and third girls until they were born, then again with her 4th child who was an oops several years later. She told my mother that as soon as she held the newest in her arms, the feeling vanished. While pregnant with #3, then again with #4 she decided to ignore the feeling, and to spend as much time as she could with her children before the baby was born.
I can say that she loves them all equally, and that love is very strong. Dont worry, its normal :)
2007-07-16 14:54:24 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very common. Don't be surprised if you feel this way even after you give birth to your second child. If you are having these feelings after you give birth (which is okay), it is very important to talk to your doctor about them. You have to prepare your first child for them having a sibling and having to "share" you with them. I wish you all the luck.....
2007-07-16 14:50:05 · answer #9 · answered by Alexisbelle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HI, THIS IS COMMON. YOU WILL LOVE YOUR SECOND CHILD JUST THE SAME. SO DON'T FEEL GUILTY YOU WILL BE JUST FINE. WHEN I WAS PREGNANT I WAS FEELING THAT WAY TO. BUT WHEN I HAD MY BABY I JUST LOVED HIM SO MUCH. YOU WILL DO THE SAME.
2007-07-16 14:57:49 · answer #10 · answered by Yvonne M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋