I was bet and raped 6 years ago and I am still having a hard time dealing with it?

Question

I use to be married and my ex husband use to bet me up and rape me and i am in a wonderful relationship now but I get so depressed sometimes cause i get flash backs of the betting and rape and i cant seem to get the stuff out of my head...my boyfriend is very understanding he has gone to counseling with me and he trys to help me fell better when I get down..what can i do to not let this haunt me ...

Ok to the dumb *** girl who corrected beat...just because you are married doesnt mean you cant be raped..no is no period

Answer 1

I know exactly what your going through. My ex cheated on me a lot and though he never physically hurt me, he would psychologically abuse me. And on a few occasions forcefully made me give him oral. To everyone else who thinks you can't be raped when your married, be thankful you have a nice partner and have never been treated like this!

I am now too with a wonderful man. However, I have really bad trust issues, even though I know there is no reason to not trust my loving boyfriend. I am always trying to find ways to ask my boyfriend if he's cheating on me and then have a hard time believing it if he says no. I mean there is no way he is cheating on me, we live together and work together so we spend all of our time together,,and he just wouldnt do that. But since whenever I asked my last boyfriend if he was cheating (and I knew he was) he would call me a horrible girlfriend because I didn't trust him and even said that the only reason I kept asking him this question was because I was actually cheating on him haha (now I wish I had been).

I think the first step to letting go of all this is to first recognize that you HATE your ex, and you hate everything he did to you. Then you need to tell yourself that you are safe now and that you will never ever have to go through that again because your new boyfriend will never ever treat you like that. Keep up with councelling if it helps and tell yourself everyday that what happened before it out of your control (and best of all its over for good!) and that you can only control what happens next. Make the best of it and don't let that jackass control your life anymore!!

Answer 2

You gotta take it one day at a time. You did good by getting counseling, just keep it up and surround yourself with people that care for you. Realize that you got away from an abusive relationshipand it could have ended up a lot worse, some women rarely get out with their lives. Be glad you did and thankful, also for finding someone that deserves you and is patient. It will never go away, but it does get better with the help of family, friends, counseling, and loved ones.

Answer 3

Keep up the counseling. If that doesn't work, discuss it with your doctor, and try something else. There are many different types of counseling and therapy, and what works best for one person might not work for another. The best thing to do is to start with your doctor, and go from there. Keep trying, and don't worry! It is natural that you would feel like this. It is not your fault, and it sounds like you are doing the right things. Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but let's give it a try...

EVERY man's self-esteem is FULLY TIED to just one thing in life, and that is:

"Can I get women to be attracted to me and sleep with me willingly?".

That is the question every single guy asks himself on a daily basis and you can view everything guys do through the prism of trying to attain that goal.

You may have noticed that the longer a guy has unwillingly been without sex, the lower his self-esteem is, which in fact just makes his situation harder (no pun...), a viscious downward spiral. I've known 26-year old male virgins openly contemplating suicide because of their predicament, thankfully his problem has been fixed. This is something women, at least before 30, seldom have to deal with, even the less attractive ones; sex is usually a guarantee for women.

Anyway, a rapist is someone who has written not only on his forehead for all the world to see, but also in his heart:

"I CANNOT get a woman to sleep with me. The only way I can ever have that is by force."

This is enough to f*** a guy up for his entire life. Add to that that your ex-husband felt compelled to do such a thing in MARRIAGE, where sexual access should be as easy as pie, and on top of that BEAT you. Man, he has taken the worst insecurities you can find and CEMENTED them in his psyche with these actions. The mind is a merciless machine and punishes every single blow to one's integrity severely; cognitive dissonance I believe is the term. He will probably spend the rest of his life lashing out at people, but his inner world will be an INNER HELL. You will notice rapists making all sorts of crazy rationalizations, both to themselves and others, as to why they did it, but no rationalization is EVER strong enough to erase this.

To not let this haunt you ever again simply feel pity for the poor pathetic schmuck.

Answer 5

I would try to keep busy so i dont have time to think about it. I had an uncle that touched me and everything where he wasnt suppose to and got a way with it and i know how u feel its not something u can just forget its very hard to warm up to another guy after that happens to someone it took me a while to warm up to my boyfriend
i hope everything goes good for u and that u can not think about it as much

Answer 6

Keep going to counseling and find other women who have gone through what you've gone through. It really helps to know how other people handle such an unfortunate experience as an abuse. It's always nice to know you're not alone. You are lucky you have found yourself a man who is sensitive and loving enough to accept/understand you enough to attend counseling! Good luck to you :).

Answer 7

That is a hard thing to put in your past because even the best of use get more use to that why of people treating us and it is hard when your with someone new and they are wonderful but I think your doing the best thing possible both of you in conselling. Have you ever heard the saying time heals old wounds well some just take longer. smile

Answer 8

Try occupying your time helping other people.

Don't leave too much time for yourself to be alone, at least for right now. Get another job, stay in places where you are surrounded by people:)

Only you can decide if this is going to rule your life. Don't let it, you're only continuing to empower that creep that hurt you.

Let it go, then you are the winner, not him:)

Answer 9

Counseling is the first step. It's awesome that your boyfriend is supportive and doesn't mistreat you. Time heals everything! O before I forget, you spelled bet wrong-It is spelled beat/beating.

Answer 10

get some kind of counseling , especially one that specializes in battered women. However, you must remember that you are not alone and there are people out there (like me ) who are pulling for you and hoping that you can move on from such a traumatic experience.