Christian women..?

Question

You are a faithful wife to your husband, 45 years. The past 10 years your hubby had many medical problems, nothing serious, but some tough times. These times, some of them still exist. You have waited on him hand & foot. Your husband does not feel well but he MOVES ALONG with his woodworking hobby. He depends on you for everything. He does not help you with housework, or shopping or bill paying or yardwork or driving.

Now you are getting up in years, and you yourself have chronic medical problems, nothing life threatening, but enough problems that you find it impossible to keep up with things by yourself. You need his help, and he refuses to give it. His explanation is that he does not feel well.

When told that you do not feel well either, but you HAVE to do certain things to keep up with life, and that he does NOT HAVE to do such things, and is waited on, he gets extremely angry, and continues to refuse to help. There's no sympathy for your needs. Think he loves you?

All of you - I have hired help at times and it does hurt the old pocketbook but that does not concern him at all. He doesn't worry about little things like money, that is MY worry! And talking about this makes him ANGRY, very defensive. He has never made a commitment to the Lord.

Answer 1

I am not writing this from my own experience, but rather from witnessing my parents situation. I have always been close to them. They both in their own way have worked as servants of Christ, trying to teach others as they also journeyed in faith.
My children and I have the unique privilege of sharing a household with them. This was out of necessity on my part as my marriage fell apart, but has been a blessing to me and I think to my parents as well.
Here is their story. they have been married almost 1/2 a century. Ten years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a form of cancer that is normally terminal. He not only survived the emergency operation,he also may have been miraculously cured as there was no further trace of that particular cancer.However four years later he was diagnosed with a new and unrelated cancer ( Leukemia). Literally the day before beginning treatment, the doctor said there was no longer any sign of the cancer!!??!! Something was the matter with him however as he just remained weak and tired easily. As you mentioned about yourself, my mom, who is quite arthritic, did everything for him. His health held steady,for 4 more years, with no need for any treatment until 4 months after my family( sans-husband) had moved in.Then one evening, he collapsed and had to be taken to the E.R. Turns out he has yet another unrelated cancer and though they operated, he almost died. The doctor gave him weeks or months 2 , but a year and a half later he is still with us.Praise God. You can imagine how much care is involved. I saw my mom overworked just by his care ( I was trying to pick up the house and yard work completely). He is NOT a good patient!! I finally asked her how she kept going and didn't feel resentment.She said,"Actually I do resent him sometimes and get angry with him for things. But I know that if he could, he would change this situation The meds. often make him grumpy but he doesn't want to be this way.He has been given back to me for a while, as I had prayed ,and I know that he loves me because he tries to carry the laundry basket that he drops and I have to pick up, and he tries to put the coffee on (without a filter) so I won't have to. I serve him because he still tries, or wants to serve me."
Let your husband know you love him (even if you really don't feel like saying it) and keep asking him to do the little things.He NEEDS to see his life, even in pain ,is still service to those he loves. This is how he will come to Christ.God bless you.

Answer 2

Boy, haven't we all felt some of that! I've been married 24 years and my husband is already talking about being tired all the time and dying and he's only 49!!!! I don't even have wrinkles yet! I can't wait for the fun that will ensue between now and our 45th year! He gets it from his mom, who's been nothing but a big whiner ever since I met her. I get so tired of hearing him talk about dying soon, that the last time I told him to hurry up so that I could find someone else while I still had something to offer. I said it in jest, I didn't mean it, and he knows that, but he hasn't mentioned it in a while! Maybe that made him think.

I think of love as a commitment and a decision, not a feeling. He probably doesn't "feel" love for you like you'd want him to, but you probably don't "feel" in love with him now, either, right? But he's been with you for all these years and you know he'd be lost without you, so I'd say that he does love you even though it's hard to think that sometimes.

Maybe you should threaten to hire some help. Maybe the ouch in the back pocket will snap him back into reality. Or better yet, just let some things not get done and see how he reacts when it begins to affect him.

Something that I've also done with my husband to help even out the household contributions is - we both work the same amount of time. If he's sitting down, you sit down. If you can agree that you're both going to work for 45 minutes and then you're both going to rest, then maybe that would help.

I feel for you and wish you the best! "Old age ain't for sissies", as my mother-in-law says over and over and over again.

Answer 3

The exact answer to this depends upon the denomination and culture of the Christian involved. Typically marriage to a non-Christian is discouraged but not banned. There are Biblical passages about living a righteous life so as to convert the non-Christian spouse. Also, if a believer is married to a non-believer and the non-believer wants a divorce the Bible says to let the non-believer leave. There are only two officially recognized reasons for divorce: sexual infedelity and being married to a non-Christian. Do be aware that according to Christianity any children born to the marriage must be raised Christian. Do know also that some cultural practices common in Muslim countries are banned by Christianity. You may have cultural as well as religious problems.

Answer 4

well gee that really sounds like my life, my husband is just like that, he is lazy around the house, he hates to clean up after himself. He does work though, he has a job and it does wear him out, if he didn't have this job we wouldn't make it..I have no job but I am doing a paid training which will be ending very soon and if I can find a job then we will have to depend on only him.
But when I married him I married him for better or worse sickness and in health..he may not be the best husband as far as cleaning and his cooking is really not the best either, but yeah he loves me, he takes care of me in every way that needs to be taken care of. He is my friend when in the need of a friend, he helps me spiritually when needed. He is old (or he thinks he is) and then I am getting there, both our healths have gone down big time, but I take care of him and he takes care of me, we have always been there for each other, we have always waited on each other through thick and thin.
I have been very lucky in this way, alot of my friends as well as family has the same problem you have with theirs husband or wife. They don't get the help they deserve either let alone the respect either. He may be depressed as well, I know mine gets that way alot and it drives me up the wall, am sorry for the problems you are having though and will be praying for you and your husband..

Answer 5

Well, that would depend on whether or not he's a Christian. If he was a Christian, I would gently remind him that he's not fulfilling his duties as a husband according to the Bible.

If he didn't pick up some of the slack, I'd look into hiring someone to do so.

And yes, I do believe he would still love me. Some people are just selfish though.

Answer 6

He has become complacent...he has taken advantage of your kind heart. And you have fed into his laziness by waiting on him hand and foot.

If you have the funds, I think you should hire out some of the work around the house and just tell your husband that is the only option unless he helps.

And yes, I bet he loves you. I have known many men that sounds just like your husband...and they are lost without their wives... I have a feeling, he thinks that all of the deeds you do around the house are your way of showing your love to him....

Answer 7

I hate to say it, but I think love isn't the issue, I think he's just being a typical man. A lot of men are like that and the longer they've had a wife who has been doing everything for them, the more likely they are to not want to lift a finger. Men tend to get very apathetic if we let them.

Answer 8

i dont know about loving u, i think maybe he just depends on u and if u were to die before him he would die soon because he would have no one to wait on him hand and foot....If this is u you are talking about, u need just as muchhelp as he does., how about hiring a nurse to baby him, so u can finally do something for yourself! You need and deserve that much!

Answer 9

I'm sure he still does. But he has been spoiled by have been waited on and now expects it. Maybe you could get a house keeper part time to help.

Answer 10

till death do you part in sickness and in health that's what kids are for to help you or home health care call meals on wheel es and after all those yrs there might be an insurance policy to help disability payments for nurses? and husband should help you www.mark gungur.com brains www.laughyourway.com brains why he wont help you what on his mind and whats on your mind take it one day at a time i will pray for you amen