issue here...any suggestions?

Question

My husband and I went out Sat night and came home to find marks on the hallway wall about 3 1/2 ft up. When I asked the babysitter what happened she said she went to put my 2yr to bed while my 6yr, Cal, was downstairs and when she came back the marks were there. She said that she watched the baby so there was no way he did it. When she left I asked Cal what happened and he told me the babysitter did it. I told him he wouldn't get in trouble, I just wanted to know the truth, but he still said he didn't do it, she did, and started crying. The thing is Cal never lies and he loves this babysitter. He can't keep secrets and doesn't know how to lie. Nor do I really think he would color on the wall. I can't though for the life of me understand why a 18yr would color on the wall either. We used her many many times over the last year and if there was ever a problem/accident, she's told us.
I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I've been here before with my oldest son. I would just let this issue go, but chances are Cal did it, probably by accident if its just little marks. No one was hurt, nothing major happened, just some marker on the wall. Easily cleaned or painted over.
My son Nick is NEVER one to lie, make up stories or misbehave. One afternoon though I was cooking dinner and he, about 7 at the time,and my middle son, about 5 at the time, were coloring in the family room. He accidently got a mark on the wall when he stood up and decided not to tell anyone, even though I saw him do it. Later on I asked about it and Nick blamed my middle son, then began to cry. Crying, like Nick, is Cal's way of showing that he does know that he did it as an accident, doesn't want to lie to you, but doesn't want to get in trouble either. I'd just talk to him about lying without mentioning this situation, how its wrong, and how it'll get him into even more trouble than if he just told the truth in the first place. Tell him that there's no reason to lie. If he just tells you want happened the first time you ask, the two of you can work together to fix the problem.
I'd make it a rule to no longer let your kids use the markers unless you are home and go out and get some crayons. I'd also get a pad of paper for only the babysitter to use to write down any problems/accidents that occur, (whether the kids do it or she does it) how they behaved, when the kids went to bed etc. Remind the babysitter that you don't want her to write this all down so you can yell at someone when you get home, but just so you know what the kids did and how things went. Remind your kids to behave before you leave and to tell the babysitter if anything goes wrong.
Best wishes =]

Answer 2

First of all, kids don't know how to lie until they practice a little bit and learn to lie. Which usually happens between 5-7 yrs of age. Sorry. Doesn't mean that he's a bad kid or something. It's just natural for a child this age to say, "What if I say this instead of that?"

Second of all, I'd be more inclined to think that it was a 2 yr. old who colored more than a 6 yr old or an 18 yr old. And I think that an 18 yr old sitter might leave the baby to go to the bathroom, fetch a toy or whatever and not register that as "not watching the baby" because it was only like a minute or whatever. Except you and I know how fast kids are. And maybe even she was on the phone with a friend or engrossed in a tv show or reading a book to your 6 yr old or something and didn't even realize that the toddler scampered off to mischief for a few minutes.

So...here's what I would do. I'd get Cal to help me use Wd-40 to take the crayon off the wall and then wash the oil off with dish soap. And while I did it, I'd tell him this story about me...except you're telling it, so tell it this way:

"I know this lady named Sparki. When she was a little girl she loved to color on walls! Her parents lived in apartments in Chicago, and they'd always spank her like crazy when she colored on walls because they didn't know how to get crayon off like I do. And then just when her parents thought she was over it, it was Thanksgiving time. And Sparki's whole family went to her aunt Diane's house for dinner.

Aunt Diane was a very PROPER lady, and she didn't like Sparki very much because Sparki was always dancing or laughing or doing something else that Aunt Diane didn't approve of. Anyway, Aunt Diane had had her whole house painted before the holidays and she was very proud of her new creamy-white walls.

Well, before Thanksgiving day, Aunt Diane had only enough time to put the pictures and stuff up on the living room and family room walls. Sparki wandered into Aunt Diane's bedroom and saw all the blank walls and decided to give Aunt Diane some original artwork as a present. She spent a good hour coloring pictures all over Aunt Diane's freshly painted bedroom walls!

You wouldn't believe how much trouble she got into! And all because they didn't know how easy it is to get crayon off walls with a little WD-40 and some rubbing.

So, you see, that's why I told you that you wouldn't get into trouble if you were the one who colored on these walls."

You can leave it at that. If Cal is anything like my kids, he'd confess right away if it was him because he would see that there really wouldn't be any trouble in confessing. But I suspect that it really was your toddler, and he may have done it without Cal seeing, so Cal couldn't have said anything.

You might ask WHY Cal thinks the babysitter would color on walls, knowing that it's not something she normally would do. But if Cal knows he didn't do it himself and if he believes the babysitter in saying that the toddler didn't do it, that leaves only the babysitter as an option. So that might be why he said she did it, without having witnessed it.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but I think your 6 year old is lying. I would explain to him that he will get into more trouble for lying than he would for coloring on the wall. Since you can't really prove he did it though, I would just maybe not let him use the crayons for a few days and if you really think that your 18 year old babysitter colored on the walls and blamed your 6 year old then I would find a new sitter. I think you are fooling yourself though. Your son may have never lied to you before, but there is always a first time.

Answer 4

I've been in a similar situation with my 5 year old daughter writing on the screen. I really couldn't believe she would lie to me, she never had before, and I promised her I wouldn't be mad, there would be no punishment, but she still lied (at the time didn't think she was lieing). But I also didn't have anyone else to blame, she is an only child and only her me and her father were home. It took almost a full week before she admitted it to me. I didn't punish her. I only thanked her for telling the truth and told her never ever to lie again and she won't get into trouble. Its hard, but I truly don't think the babysitter would write on the wall and he probably cried out of guilt thinking she would get into trouble.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Have a one on one meeting with the Babysitter. Since your son and her story are 2 different ones, talk to her without your son there and see what she says this time. Then bring in your son and see if she is/has been lying. Chances are she will not lie in front of your son. Your son actually is more likely to be telling the truth because kids that young just tend to blurt it out!

Answer 7

Guess what? Everyone knows how to lie. Thinking your little child is perfect isn't going to help. Why would a babysitter color on the walls? That's something a child would do. Maybe you need to realize that your son isn't perfect and that he's lying. You need to teach him how lying is wrong, and stop living in a fantasy world that lying is something he won't ever do, because EVERYONE does/has done it before.

I also wouldn't babysit for someone who would believe I colored the walls over their child.

Answer 8

Six years old is just about the right age to feel creative enough to draw on the wall and creative enough to make up a story to cover it up. Don't stress about it too much, it's just another stage. Anytime you want to know the truth, be sure you're calm, and that he knows he won't be punished for being truthful. Good luck.

Answer 9

It may be your son. He may be afraid he is going to get a spanking. Ity may be her, some people are twisted. But dont underestimate your son. Kids will suprise you. You never know them as well as u think. I would put up a nanny cam and dont tell your son or him. It seems unlikely she would have done it. The fact that he cried to me seems like a little guilt- maybe bc he was getting someone he loves in trouble. I would clean it up and see if it happens again.

Answer 10

I have to say that you know your child and if he doesn't lie then you have to believe him.
On the flip side I have to wonder why a babysitter would color on the wall.
I would probably talk to them both together and see what comes out of it.
This is a tough one but you know your children...
God Bless!