I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years prior to that we were best friends..he had a girl friend and i was married he dumped his girl friend and a year later I divorced. well after some time we got together and we had a child 3 years into our relatioship everytime i say something about getting married he said he isnt ready..i dont understand..if i can have your baby and play wife cook clean have sex exc....why not marry me ??????
2007-07-16 07:07:48 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
fyi i never had an affair we were friend i was divorced a year before we got together
2007-07-16 07:16:15 · update #1
im am 29 years old
2007-07-16 07:18:31 · update #2
Because he doesn't want to?
What is it with you women...why must you always think there's some kind of ulterior motive behind us guys. When we say we're not ready, it means we're not ready!
Would you rather him marry you when he's not ready, and just be miserable the whole time, and eventually wreck the marriage? Or do you think he should be ready for that lifetime committment before he says "I do".
Don't rush him, or you'll ruin what you do have.
2007-07-16 07:12:55 · answer #1 · answered by Frinn 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
Without knowing you and your boyfriend, all I can offer is my opinion, so take it for what it's worth. I am assuming from your statement "play wife" that you are living together as a family. It's possible since he already has a good woman at home who is the mother of his child, who cooks, cleans, goes grocery shopping, etc. he doesn't see any reason to get married. It's also possible something happened with a past girlfriend that is causing him to be "gun-shy" about committing to anyone, not just you.
Given the fact that you have a little one at home, it may be hard to give your boyfriend an ultimatum, but that may be the only way you can know where he stands. Make a list of all the reasons you want to get married and all the reasons not to. Ask him to do the same thing. You may find out he's worried that he won't be a good husband, he may be worried about the kind of dad he is and getting married may push all of these fears to the foreground. No matter what, be prepared to talk but more importantly be prepared to listen. Good luck!
2007-07-16 07:41:07 · answer #2 · answered by coachkaren 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he feels like you're pressuring him to get married. Did the two of you discuss this prior to having a committed relationship? If he's saying that he's not ready, then maybe he's really saying that he doesn't want to marry you. Alot of women think that they can give a man an ultimatum and force them to marry them. Think about it wouldn't you want the guy to propose to you on his own free will because he wants to not because he feels it's what you want? I wouldn't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me, you have a child and you should be setting an example. Maybe you should get your own place and let him find out if you are what he truly wants. He's getting everything by playing house, why should he want to marry you? I'm not saying that to be mean but he should know what he wants. You are the one who is sticking around to find out what? That ten years down the line he still isn't ready? If people want to live together and not get married because it's "just a piece of paper" that's all good but the both of you should be on the same page with that. You don't want him to marry you and then talk about you like some husbands saying that all you do is nag.
2007-07-16 07:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by CaJe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he's not ready he's not ready. Don't push him to marry you. He has a right to make his own decisions about his life. At the same time, you also have a right to make decisions about your own life. If you want to be in a relationship that has the commitment and security that marriage offers and he's not willing to do that, then you need to make a decision about how long you will wait for him to get "ready." I would not suggest telling him that he needs to marry you or you are leaving him. That's pressure that will make him either push you away or marry you and resent you. But what I would suggest is setting a deadline for yourself. Maybe you are willing to wait for another year, or two years. If he's still not ready, let him know that you still love him, but you want to be married. Move on with your life, but let him know that if and when he does become ready, and if you are still available that you would like to make that move. But don't sit around waiting forever for a guy who can't give you what you need.
2007-07-16 07:15:17 · answer #4 · answered by mi_suzi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there might be a few reasons (that could all, possibly, converge):
1) There's no benefit for him in officially commiting. A kid brings joy, but what would getting married give him?
2) he might be gridy and does not want to spend the money in a big wedding
3) he might come from money and would stand to loose his wealth if you guys eventually seperate
4) his parents might have given him a traumatic experience of marriages.
5) he does not like hosting big parties and feels shy
6) he might be seeing somebody else
7) he does not want to change his IRS tax status as he might have a special set-up for taxes
8) .... no more ideas... answer the above first. Good luck
2007-07-16 07:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by Yan M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is too use to that. He doesn't have to commit while still having the same benefits and more as if you were married, so there is no good reason for him to want to change that. Plus there is all the negative sterotypes about marriage so of course he wouldn't want to change that, albeit he might love you dearly and is not cheating on you, but marriage is a big deal. Just stop playing wifey and let him know that you are in control of your life. You cannot force him to commmit, to you. But you must know you are in control of your life so if you want change, start with yourself and stop playing wifey.
2007-07-16 07:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why should he marry you when he's already getting the benefits of a married life without the "married" level of commitment? If he's not married, he can leave whenever he wants to without having to go through separation & divorce proceedings. Sounds to me like he has a problem with commitment. Maybe not commitment itself, if he's living with you and he's around all the time. However, he's not LEGALLY commited now is he?
2007-07-16 07:12:23 · answer #7 · answered by devilbaby_st 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It may be that this guy is affraid of commitment. Some guys just want to have all of the trappings of being married, without actually having the legal and emotional hassle. He has a good thing going right now. He gets to have what he wants with no legal or moral obligation to you, the child, society, or God. Why would he want to marry?
2007-07-16 07:14:52 · answer #8 · answered by sportguy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems like it is time to sit down with your boyfriend, calm to discuss how you feel. Listen carefully to how he feels. If he would like to take the next step to marriage, then you plan to discuss the next phase of your life together. If you and him decide that he have different ideas for your future, then it is time to reprioritize. It is very important that you two had discussed these issues before you had divorced and he leaving his girlfriend. Especially this should have been discussed before having a child. I feel children are blessings, why cry over spilled milk. Look out for what is best for yourself and your child. Good luck.
2007-07-16 07:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by Delicious 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wants to keep his options open... he doesn't want to have a complete commitment yet. OR he is afraid it will change the relationship *does not want to fix something that ain't broke* OR he saw something in you while you were married and didn't like it so he doesn't want to end the relationship..... OR it could be that I am throwing answers around like I know this guy and I don't.
2007-07-16 07:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋