Alternatives to wedding gifts, or no gifts...What is the etiquitte?

Question

My intended and I are successful professionals in our early-mid 30's. Between the two of us, we have everything we need or want for our house, and we are very comfortable financially. As such, we do not want our friends and family to feel obligated to spend money on us or buy us presents that we really don't need. (Of course, if someone decides to give us a gift, we will graciously accept it.)

We just want our friends and loved ones to know that the only thing we want from them is to come celebrate the occasion with us and have a good time. What is the most appropriate way to let people know how we feel?

Thanks!

Answer 1

I was going to suggest donations to charity, too. You could put a card in your invitation that says something like "Because we have each other, we have everything we need. The pleasure of your company will be the gift that we will treasure most. If you'd still like to give a gift, a donation to your favorite charity made in our honor would also be meaningful to us."

Answer 2

Word of mouth is the only appropriate way of spreading information about gifts - including the news that the happy couple really would prefer not to receive any at all.

Gifts are not actually required for a wedding, though they are both common and often expected. Guests are supposed to contact someone either in the wedding party or one of the families involved and ask if they'd like some guidance in picking out a gift. In your case, pass the word to the bridal party and families that there's really nothing you wish for beyond the support of your friends and they can let people who ask know.

Just keep in mind that many people will still bring something and be prepared to be gracious and thank them nicely for whatever they give you.

Answer 3

I think word of mouth is the best way. Tell your close family and bridal party, and if people ask you, you can tell them. I know asking for a gift is poor etiquette, I am not sure what it should be for not. Just remember to many there is a joy to giving, even if you do not need it.

My brother went to a wedding like this, not sure how they got the word out, but I think they just suggested to give a donation to their (the guest's) favorite charity instead.

Answer 4

What you are doing is very kind, considerate, and thoughtful.
I applaud your efforts!

May I suggest directing your guests to one of your favorite charities if they wish to give you "a wedding gift." A local library or fire company . . the Red Cross . . a relief or medical fund, etc. Start with www.idofoundation.org.


This kind gesture can be passed on to your wedding guests through your close friends, family members, and attendants.
If you have a wedding web page or a newsletter you can also put the name of the charity or fund on there . . "In lieu of wedding gifts we ask that you donate to . . . . . . "

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 5

Just one word on charity gifts - if you choose a charity, you may risk offending someone with your choice. I know, I know - but in this age of being OVERLY PC, it can happen.

For example, I am a huge supporter of AIDS-related causes and volunteer regularly with AIDS patients, however if I had asked for a donation to an AIDS-related charity, I would have had at least a dozen very conservative relatives who would have had a stroke on the spot.

To that end, you can always ask your guests to make a donation to THEIR favorite charity in lieu of a gift. That way Aunt Bertha won't have a heart attack. :)

Otherwise, a simple line like "your presence is the greatest gift" would suffice quite nicely.

Answer 6

Please no gifts.
Your presence is the only gift we require.

You probably will get gifts anyway. I have been to several of these. I usually like to bring a card and maybe some old pictures of the couple if I have some for a scrapbook.

I dislike the charitable donations. One couple had Planned Parenthood and some of the guests were having fertility problems......

Answer 7

Actually this is not all uncommon. The new thing to do is when you send out an inviation let them know that if they have a specfic gift that they do want to give you for your wedding that is fine but for those who don't please feel free to make a donation to your chosen charity in your honor. Celebrities started the whole idea. Congrats and good luck.

Answer 8

I like the charity idea. If you have a reception card or an info card with directions, etc that will be included in your invites, simply state "In lieu of gifts, donations to XYZ charity (pick your favorite) are appreciated."

People like to give, so if you don't want anything yourself, this is a great way for people to feel generous and make a meaningful contribution without giving you another set of towels you're never going to use.

If you choose not to do this, you may want to consider registering for something you WOULD like. It gives your guests some ideas of things you'd like. Remember, gift registries aren't limited to just household items anymore. You can register for electronics, sporting equipment, vacations, anything really!

Like I said, people like to bring gifts. And they feel like they should, so give them some ideas of what direction they should go. If you don't register and dont include anything on your invitations, they will generally just bring cash.

Answer 9

I disagree with Angel. It is never appropriate to mention gifts on a wedding invitation. No exceptions. However, you can certainly give your preferences to people who ask, and people will ask.
This is what we did for a birthday party for my husband: we told people no gifts, but said that if anyone wanted to bring a gift, they could bring a donation for our local animal shelter - dogfood, catfood, leashes, etc.
Our son decorated a big box with drawings of cats and dogs, the guests put their donations in it, and we delivered it to the shelter the next week.
People liked the idea.
Just an idea.

Answer 10

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