hi...i'm a 24 yr old woman. i recently married my bf of 7 yrs...i had moved in with him when i turned 18 and got pregnant within a month. i was studying at that time and didn't want anything to tie me down. so i aborted the baby without telling my bf. now i'm quite well-settled in life and i married the love of my life. i couldn't hold it to myself anymore and told him that i had aborted our child long back. he was very angry.....i just blew his mind. he's upset i did that and said that i didn't even think once of asking him before doing it. i know wat i did was wrong and am ready to make it up to him....he's just too angry with me to even listen. wat do i do?
one more thing...i've been off the pill for 2 months now and have still not conceived. how long does the pill take to get out of the system? i'd really like to start a family now and make it up to him...how do i make him come around?
2007-07-16 05:44:11 · 19 answers · asked by julia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You will never be able to make up for this mistake. There is no replacing the fact that you had this abortion. No child can replace another.
Your husband may not come around. He may see you trying to conceive as trying to please and appease him and that is the wrong reason for having children. I am encouraged by the fact however that you say you are ready to start a family and that is a good thing. But to start a family just to "make it up" to your husband for the loss of the first baby is not the right thing.
How long it takes to conceive, depends on a lot of factors. To many to list here. I suggest talking to your doctor to see what your chances are of helping matters along. I understand increasing your intake of folic acid and vitamins are a good thing. However you need to see your doctor as he, as a result of the prior abortion, may want to put you on a fertility med such as clomid for a just in case type of thing.
2007-07-16 05:57:11 · answer #1 · answered by mikeae 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having another baby is not going to make it better. He has a every reason to be upset. He's upset that he didn't even have a say in the matter. You made a huge decision without him. It is your body but this is something the two of you should of talked about . And if you knew that you weren't ready,why didn't you take precaution to prevent something like this from happening. You can't make him come around. This is a big deal don't expect him to get over it so fast.Give him some time hopefully he will understand why you made the decision that you did. A relationship is based on honesty and communication. Good Luck !
2007-07-16 08:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by Boopalot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, we can all say that what you did was wrong. But on your side: You were very young, 18 years old, not married to this guy at the time, still at school, and YOU were in the predicament - NOT HIM. It would be one thing if the two of you were married at the time - but you weren't. Maybe having the abortion without telling him was wrong, but the pressure of all the above plus your young age indicates that you made the best decision for yourself that you felt was right AT THE TIME. He should try to forgive you considering your young age, you two were just bf/gf, attending school, not even having started your life yet. You have grown up and confided this to him. He needs to grow up and realize you have been honest with him and that you made a mistake based on your young age. It would be good if you both could talk about it, come to a resolution and close the door to the event, and start looking forward to actually planning and having children that you are both ready to bring into your lives.
2007-07-16 06:06:19 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
of course he's angry, u killed his child without even allowing him a say in it! i understand why u did it, but u REALLY should've talked to him about it...it was his child too.
the pill takes a few months to get out of ur system, i think. have u explained to him ur reasons and told him how sorry u are for not consulting him before u did it? if not, u should do that. if u have, just give him some time....that is some really big news u laid on him.
2007-07-16 05:56:25 · answer #4 · answered by Kristabella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you told him now. It certainly wasn't for his benefit, was it? You say it was for your benefit - another selfish decision made on your part.
I imagine he is very upset - after all, it was his baby, too. And now he probably wonders what other big secrets you may have kept from him, like possibly an affair. Trust is everything in a relationship - you just blew it. And all to get rid of your guilt. Next time, don't share things like this with someone if it will hurt them - you accomplished nothing! Share it with a friend to get it off your chest.
2007-07-16 05:52:38 · answer #5 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you, even though you were wrong in more than one aspect, he'll forgive you.
To answer the second question, if you've had an abortion, it's a lot more likely that you WON'T be able to conceive again without a lot of doctor's help. Abortions mess with your body, and prohibit a lot of people from conceiving.
Good luck....always be honest...hope you learned that.
2007-07-16 05:52:48 · answer #6 · answered by sportsstar4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make it up to him. babies are not band aids either. If you are trying to get pregnant now, does he even know? When I was pregnant with my first child, the Doctor said most pregnancies end in divorce because it is such a radical change.
He needs to cope with the loss of his would be child and cope with his anger towards you and rebuild trust. Having a baby does not make it all go away.
2007-07-16 07:21:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame him for being angry.You had no right to make that decision on your own.It was his child too.
He may never trust you again since you broke that trust by not telling him.Why didn't you?What was your reasoning in not telling him.
Having a child will not make him forget the one he lost.It may make him think about it even more after the child is born.
You made a very grave mistake.One he may never be able to forgive you for.You're going to have to somehow prove that you can be trusted and relayed upon for the truth and for communicating with your husband.Don't expect miracles.
Sorry!!
2007-07-16 06:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor and don't have a kid just because you feel bad about aborting your first one and want to make it up to him. Do it because you want a kid now because you actually want to be a parent. Though if he is as angry as he sounds, don't be too surprised when he puts divorce papers on the table. You should have consulted him as to what he wanted, since it is his baby too. I believe in abortions, but not over stupid reasons and at least, if there was a father in the picture, consult him.
2007-07-16 05:51:12 · answer #9 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You made a major decision without even talking to him about it. So it is possible the relationship has been severly damaged. He is seeing you in a new light and wonders what else you keep from him. His trust in you has been shattered and may not be fixable.
2007-07-16 06:12:09 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋