How do you deal with these people?

Question

Suppose you become a Bible sceptic and see corruption and prejudice towards you everywhere. You let your husband bring you to his beloved church. When you hear the sermon you want to punch the preacher for his insulting words masked as Bible teaching but he's got a big smile on his face and has no idea you feel this way. His wife hugs you afterwards. You can't just leave because these are friends of your husband. You don't hate them.

You believe that Jesus would want you to love even your enemies so you know you've got to try to be friendly even though you know, the questions will come and also the stares when people find out that you don't believe as they do.

It's a waste of time for them to try to change you and vice versa. You already know that they wouldn't understand if you try to explain it. They'd think you have a rebellious spirit and it's better to avoid you but you can't help wanting to show them who you truly are and wish they believed the same. What then?

No troll here. Just bothered. Yeh clash of beliefs. Not a know-it-all. Ex JW. Yes my husband knows. I don't want to discourage him from having religious friends and he always wants me to join him because he thinks we're supposed to be united in faith even when he knows how I feel. Yes, I think I should tell them I don't want to talk religion and see how they act. I'll just skip the service when I feel like I want to vomit. Thanks everyone. If I went into what my beliefs are, then that would end up in another argument and I'd never get my question answered.

Answer 1

Just be friends, and different, most good people are okay with it, I have found, just don't bible bash or rip at the others religion, be friends and different.

Good luck.

Reft-

Answer 2

If you want the relationship to be built on honesty rather than faking smiles at all the stuff you disagree with, then have the other couple over for dinner, and ask them to show you how what they believe meshes with Scripture (or whatever it is that you are using to judge the value of Christian teaching).

When you see something that doesn't add up, be nice about it but say, "This might be a dumb question, but you are saying X + Y = Z, and it seems to me that you are leaving Q out of the equation, but it really ought to be in there. Where does Q fit? Because X + Y + Q most certainly does NOT = Z."

Show them why YOU believe what you believe and ask them what they think of it.

If you're nice about it and they still say you are a rebel, then this is probably one of those churches that doesn't want people to think on their own.

But I think you should give it a try because it sounds like you haven't had a nice conversation on equal terms with these people. I'm guessing that since your immediate reaction is to punch somebody, you haven't been nice about things at all up to this point. Can't expect people to respond positively toward such a negative attitude, can you?

Answer 3

Sounds like a tough situation. Does your husband know how you feel? If you don't share your thoughts and feelings with anyone else you need to share them with him.

Don't think of these people as your enemies - they aren't. I assume by your words that you are a Christian, go to your own church on Sunday, ask your husband to join you - if he prefers his own church then try to agree to disagree. (sometimes in marriage that is the best you can hope for.)

Also, try to keep this in mind: No religion has it completely right. To some degree every single one of them is wrong. (some more than others) The important thing is they believe and you believe and you have the most important thing in common - all of you are united in your love of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Answer 4

You either should not waste your time or if that is where God wants you then sit back and find what He wants you to learn in that circumstance....

If you are a nonbeliever then how did you and your husband decide to make a commitment because then you would be considered unequally yoked and he can divorce you!

Don't try to explain yourself to anyone they will only ridicule you or talk behind your back ..It would be better to not take part in the festivities or friendships there...

Most religious people have a problem with out of the box thinkers I had that problem for years and they tried their best to claim me wrong only to find out I was right about many things they disagreed with ..... I keep my mouth closed unless I have an open door of opportunity!

Answer 5

Don't deal with them.
Religion is very personal and no one has the right to judge you for your believe.
Your husband should respect that and not drag you to a place, where you feel not comfortable.
My husband and I have different believes, I was raised catholic and he is a southern baptist. I am no longer a catholic, because of things I've seen going on in this church, which in my view has nothing to do with being christian.
I still feel very much as a christian, but I no longer belong to a congregation.
Respect is the answer here, but that goes for you too, this people don't have to share your believe.
Have a good and happy life

Answer 6

Just as you say it is a waste of time for them to try and change you, it is a waste of time to try and change them. They have the right to believe what you consider hateful things and dress them up as Christianity. Of course, you don't have to agree with them or support them either. Your path is in a different direction than theirs.

If you're uncomfortable at this church, don't go. If your husband asks why, you've got a few choices. One would be to voice your objections with this church. Another would simply be to say that the service didn't really suit you or speak to you.

Answer 7

This is how I would deal with that. First, I would refuse to go, stating flat out that I am a pagan and a Witch and if you don't want a scene at the f***ing altar, then put me down and leave me alone!

If you nevertheless find yourself at the church and are being subjected to the horrors of a sermon, I would suddenly become overcome with nausea (this would be real) and have to excuse myself to go to the ladies room to vomit, whereupon I would take the car and go home, leaving hubbie to be brought home by the preacher, or he can walk. Or I would walk, or take a cab o the nearest horse if necessary.

If at any time you are confronted with a well meaning Christian who wants to save you, tell them flat out that you have no interest in their religion, that you have your own path and that you and they can remain civil ONLY as long as they leave religion out of all conversations with you, unless of course they are interested in reciprocity, in which case I would have lots of Witch and pagan literature ready to hand to them and tell them that if they intend on teaching you about Christ, you expect them to read up on paganism, Witchcraft, and magic.

Frankly, I wouldn't go that last route because it only encourages them and as you said, no one is going to change the others' mind. It is a path leading inevitably to arguments and bad feelings. When some very nice Baptists moved in next door to us, my husband and I went there for dinner one night, and when I was in the bathroom, they asked my husband what faith we were, and he told them that they should not bring up the subject of religion with me, EVER, because it would ....not be a good idea. He was very diplomatic. I haven't heard one peep from them about god, and we get along just fine.

Bright Blessings,
Lady Morgana )0(

Answer 8

Prayerfully. And I don't mean that flippantly.

I think the time comes in every honest seeker's life that you question what you've been told. If you didn't feel frustrated with what's going on around you, I'd be worried about you!

I appreciate that you understand how unlikely to change they are, and that you don't hate them for it. I think it's wise that you understand how they would perceive you.

As to loving your enemies, I think that means you take basic care of their needs, not that you have to pretend to be "in love" with them - or best friends with them - in spite of what you really feel.

In the end, it is our honesty before God that matters. Think of what it must have been like for the early Christians, most of whom were Jews, who had to face their Jewish families. Families were torn apart. Saul (who became the Apostle Paul) was so indignant at what he perceived as heresy that he persecuted Christians for it. When he became a Christian, he lost all his prestige and bewildered those around him. But he was right with God, and that's what mattered to him.

There are a couple of books I think you might find useful. The first is "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and the second is "The Lies We Tell Ourselves" by Chris Thurmond. You can read portions of them on Amazon.com.

Answer 9

You have the same problem that doctors have when they need to see a doctor...they know what the other doctor is going to say is the cause of their ailment, but they still need to be treated....should they doctor themselves and forget the insurance, or, stay quiet and continue to be ministered to because it's expected?

Out of the whole congregation, was there someone that you feel "good" about that you just "know" that they are a down to earth but high in Faith child of God and will honor your need for "silence"?

If I were you, I would arrange to speak to this person about what is in your heart.

May you find Peace :)

Answer 10

Sit your husband down and tell him that while you are willing to respect his beliefs, you don't share them. Then, depending on the strength of your marriage, either tell him what you believe and agree to disagree, or try to convert him, or just let it be at that.

Don't feel compelled to spend time with people that you find phonier than a $3 bill, IMHO, you are insulting them more that way.

On the other hand, if you do decide to slug the preacher, let me know where/when. I would pay good money to see that.

Answer 11

the reason people go to church is to be around other people of like mind, where they can all pat one another on the back and support one another in their beliefs. its like belonging to a club, a way to separate "us" from "them"

if you don't see the world the way these people do, or share in their beliefs, there's no point for you to be there, and you shouldn't be around them.

i will go out on a limb and say that this is something your partner is wanting you to do and something you are wanting to do for him, and i would offer this suggestion: don't bother. you aren't going to be able to stomach it forever, so why put off the inevitable?
Talk to your husband and tell him how phony and annoying these people are to you and you have no desire to return to his church with him. Maybe you can go to new churches together and make new mutual friends.

you realize that your husbands friends can't be changed nor can they change you...but do you realize that you cant change yourself for your husband, and more importantly, does your husband understand that he cant change you?

This sounds more like an issue for you and your husband, not you and your husbands church.