Am i in the wrong? or is it him?

Question

My ex and i had broke up for quite a few months but we remain as friends. Recently it was his birthday and he insisted that i had a dinner with him so i got him a present. He called me in the very last minute before our meeting time that his classmates are throwin him a surprise party so he wants to see me another time. I was angry as i had already made my plans for the day n i wished he told me earlier. He did not know how to face me so he passed his phone to a gal whom i don't know. she said it wasn't his fault coz the guys wanted to celebrate with him. i got pissed i asked him later on who's the girl he said she's just a fren and that i'm being petty. he said since we're not a couple, promises don't have to be kept. i said i don't wish to see him again and he said fine. he nv contacted me from then on.

Answer 1

Technically he is right - but morally he is wrong. If he insisted on making plans with you, he should have kept his promise. If he was really interested in spending his B-day with you he would have done so. I don't buy the story about the surprise birthday party. If it was supposed to be a surprise - how did he know about it? Sounds like he just had something better to do than spend time with you. Why did he not just invite you to the other party then? Not worth your time nor your energy to be angry with it. He is an ex - unreliable and a jerk. Keep it moving honey - you deserve better.

Answer 2

I think you overreacted. I mean his friends threw him a surprise party. It's his birthday, you are the ex and the two of you were just going to dinner. I don't think that you needed to react this way, you should of just said fine I'll see you some other time and wish him a happy birthday, or gone to the party to celebrate with im instead of being confrontational.

Answer 3

Hunni he's your ex for a reason right? If he's the typical guy then he just wants to get some. By handing the phone to another girl its a sign that he's moved on and that he's over the two of you. If he can't tell you himself that he made other plans and stuff then why waste your time trying to be friends with him right? Good luck...ex's cause trouble! (i know this from personal experience)

Answer 4

As the first response stated you can not be mad at him because it was a surprise party. However, how he handled the situation and his reaction to your being upset it unacceptable. Leave him be and move on. This does not sound like anyone you want to be involved with. Plenty of other fish out there who will treat you much better and that will be a better match for you.

Answer 5

He was wrong. REAL friends don't treat each other that way. Friends are respectful of their friends feelings and of their friends time. You blocked and made the time to spend with him and it was quite disrespectful of him. As harsh as it may sound, you were second choice. You have every right to be upset about it. Why didn't he invite you to go along? Let this guy go completely.. he isn't worth your effort. .. If he does call and want to get together.. tell him you already have plans.

Answer 6

you r right and so is he. he used u for a back up plan on his b-day in case he had nothing else to do then something else came along and he dropped u like a hot potato.
thank god he has not contacted you. you r only going to yell at him anyway for being such a jerk.
good riddance to this ****** of an immature guy. move on date others if it is meant to happen let him grow up in the mean time.
you have a right to be angry with how he treated you he did treat you badly, and his actions were rude and inexcusable.

Answer 7

Well, the suprise Birthday party wasn't his fault and his action of canceling your "Dinner" was quite reasonable under those circumstances. I believe we would've done the same. However, knowning that you guys had a dinner scheduled, he should have had the common sense and courtesy of inviting you to the party as well.

Answer 8

No matter who is to blame - a huge lack of communication on both parts. Let him go, even as a Friend. Your both going to continue to repeat the same pattern again. Good Luck

Answer 9

Neither of you is wrong. This isn't about "fault."

It sounds like he let you down because he had a change of plans that came about because of circumstances that were somewhat out of his control, except that he made the choice in the moment to be with the friends that threw the surprise party vs getting together with you for dinner. Also, it sounds like you felt let down - a reasonable reaction. But, it also sounds like your reaction runs a bit deeper, i.e. either you still have feelings for the guy or the incident triggered unresolved feelings related to experiences in the relationship??

What if he called you and said, "My mom is really sick and I need to stay at home with her this evening. Can I see you at another time?" Would you have the same thoughts/feelings? While your disappointment and frustration sounds completely reasonable, I wonder if your reaction might have changed had you not taken his decision personally. Yes, he made the choice to be with the friends vs. to follow through with the plans for dinner with you. However, having a group of friends throw you a surprise party is a rather difficult thing to walk away from, and dinner with one friend isn't typically as compelling.

Yes, it was cheesy of him to not communicate the change of plans himself vs. having this other female friend tell you. But, sometimes we humans go to great lengths to avoid conflict or anger, or the sense that we've let down someone who we care about. I noted in your comments, that you said "he wants to see me another time." His communicating that suggests to me that he cares about you and that he wants to spend time with you. Your reaction to the female friend who made the call also suggests that maybe you felt jealous, which also suggests that maybe you aren't being honest with yourself (or with him) about the fact that you still have feelings for him.

If that is the case, and focusing on the fact that 1) you were inconvenienced by the change of plans, 2) that you went out of your way for him by a) making alternate plans and b) by getting him a birthday present, and 3) that you were offended that he didn't communicate the change of plans directly vs. passing the phone to another person, and 4) that you didn't like hearing the news from another woman who you suspect is more than "a friend" - is all just subterfuge to avoid the truth.

Maybe the truth is that you still have feeling, maybe it's that you didn't really want to get together with him in the first place but just agreed because you didn't want to hurt his feelings (and so you were pissed that the tables got turned on you), or maybe it's just that (this might sting a bit), you expect to be the center of attention. Might be worth pondering.

Just speaking from my own experience of having to get over the "woman thing" and learn to be honest with myself about what I want and don't want, even if I can't have what I want.

Answer 10

ask yourself, "if another friend of mine treated me this way, would I be ok with it?" If the answer is no - if you expect your friends to follow through on their plans and not cancel on you at the last minute - then, he's not even treating you like a friend.