my boyfriend for 2 and a half years has a drinking problem which he got from his father,when i met him he wasn't a drinker but now he limes and drinks alot.my real problem isnt that though,he often becomes very emotional and violent when he drinks.i love him and i dont know what to do.the day afetr he always comes and apologizes and begs for my forgiveness,sometimes even cry!other than this he is very sweet and loving and each time that he drinks and do **** he promises me he would stop but then some special occasion comes up and it occurs again.help me cuz even though i love him i need to start puttin myself first.HELP!
2007-07-16 04:41:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
listen to a woman who has gone through this please.......get out and leave him behind you....an alcoholic ( which is what he is now) will not change even when they get help the urge is always there if hes violent when drunk it only gets worst soon he will spend all his money on booze then lose his job before you know it he is drunk all the time and stealing from you to support this habit......get out NOW! they always promise but it NEVER happens trust me!!
2007-07-24 03:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by Lacey S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand your situation...and I hate to say it, but it will only get worse unless it is resolved. Here's the deal: your boyfriend is becoming, or has already become, an alcoholic...and although his father may have been one too, he's responsible for his own situation (don't let yourself, or him, blame his father). On top of that, he's a "mean drunk". I know what it's like because you could be describing "my" father.
He won't get better until he realizes that "he" has a problem with alcohol...not just "you" have a problem with him drinking, but that "he" has a real problem. Since talking to him hasn't seemed to work, you might try buying a cheap video camera and the next time he starts drinking, start recording him. If you can't afford a video camera, them buy a cheap memo recorder, or if you have one built into your cellphone, use it. When they can see and hear how abusive they become, well, it's a very "sobering" situation. You then tell them that although you love them, you can't watch them kill themselves and ruin your life with alcohol and that they need to get help or you'll have to leave.
Another option would be for you to call the local chapter of Alcoholic's Anonomous and ask them for advice/help as well. There are no easy solutions, because if you love him, you don't want to just leave him, yet you can't 'fix him' alone.
Know that you are not alone in this and that there are others out there who have lived with this and are willing to help you help him.
Good luck, you sound like a very noble, good hearted girlfriend. Act soon, but don't allow yourself to live in a dangerous situation that will only get worse without intervention.
2007-07-24 05:18:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the choice to do what is best for you. It sounds like you are realizing this, but you need the "OK" to move on. He will never change (unless he gets professional help, and even then, it's hard). He has an abusive pattern. I know it is scary to move on to something different, a life without him. But you need to be strong and move on.
Just because you put yourself first and just because you want to be safe does not make you a bad person. It does not make him do bad things. You cannot control him or what he does. Only you can control you.
So take the first step and know that it is ok for you to get out of this relationship.
Try CASDA or a hotline -- they can help you with leaving so you are safe.
Good luck.
2007-07-24 10:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to realize himself whats going on, and he has to change himself. YOU CANT Change him. if you do he will you resent you for it. the unfortunate thing here is that he may not see the changes he needs to make in his life until he has hit rock bottom and or you leaving him or worse( if he stays on this same road this road will end quickly) . You need to stay away from him until he can commit to treatment and attend A.A. meetings. If not?honestly this cycle will continue and just drag you down with him. al-anon i think is a good place for you to get some understanding in your life and a real good perspective as to the life of an alcoholic. You have to trust me when i say living with alcoholic is the hardest thing to deal with in your life and if your not ready to deal with it ,it will make you CRAZY!!! I wish you the Very best of luck.
2007-07-24 10:54:09 · answer #4 · answered by Blaze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go to rehab or something, just make sure that he stays there for at least 6 weeks, and maybe he needs too get that ankle monitor thing that Lindsay Lohan is wearing as well.
2007-07-24 11:39:00 · answer #5 · answered by Susan F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh yes,start putting yourself first or else your life will start falling apart and at the end you will through your life away,think to yourself,are you going to put up with that or are you going to live your own life?
looks like talking isn't working so start taking action,let him know excactly how you feel about it and if he doesn't make a diffrence then 2 and a half years meant nothing for him.
2007-07-24 04:00:15 · answer #6 · answered by ursula - E.A.D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a choice: either he gets professional help for his addiction or you leave. If he chooses the latter, he wasn't worth it anyway.
2007-07-24 09:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Kilira 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him to get involved in a program or leave plain and simple if not your just going to be a part of a destructive cycle.
2007-07-24 11:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by ~ ♥ ~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he doesnt stop youll leave him.
Tell him what you told us.
2007-07-24 11:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by gooshie12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him alone and get him some help
2007-07-16 11:44:14 · answer #10 · answered by college gurl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋