Help??? What to do about a soon-to-be-runaway bride???

Question

Four years ago I dated this guy and was madly in love with him. He didn't feel that for me, and we broke up but stayed friends. He ended up falling for this girl and they have dated for two and a half years. This girl and I also got to be really good friends and we are very close. I admit that as I realized how much my ex loved this girl, I distanced myself from him a lot in order to keep from getting hurt. So now I am much better friends with this girl on the surface, and barely talk to my ex, but I still love him. About a year ago my ex and this girl broke up and then got back together. While they were apart my ex slept with someone else, and he confessed this when they got back together. Shortly thereafter they got engaged. They have planned this HUGE wedding, my ex is paying for it all. My friend just told me it's all a ploy, she plans on not showing up on their wedding day. Payback for the cheating, she says. What am I supposed to do? She doesn't know I love him.

I can't stand to see him hurt, and I can't stand to lose this girls friendship after she made this confidence. She's like a sister to me.

Answer 1

Show up in her place. If she doesn't show up, put on a wedding dress and a heavy veil. Don't take it off until the cermony is complete.

Answer 2

Wow, sounds pretty heavy. Usually, it's best if bad news comes from the source, rather than a secondary source. In other words, talk to her and tell her that she needs to be honest with your ex. She is obviously much more hurt about the cheating than she let on, so tell her that it's best if she tell him the truth.

If she is definitely interested in payback and in being vindictive, then try appealling to her baser nature. Tell her that although leaving him at the altar would be both humiliating and hurtful (and expensive), nobody but him will understand her reasoning. She'll be the one everybody hates--most girls can't stand knowing that people hate them. She'll just look like a snobby, bratty, and kinda evil girl.

At the end of the day, though, for you, you're left with your own thoughts, your own heart, and your own emotions. Remember to safeguard your own, not everybody else's. You can try to keep them both in your life, but sometimes, it's just not possible. Be prepared to make a tough decision that might cost you one or the other of them.

Be strong, and good luck.

Answer 3

If it really is the truth you have to tell your ex. But, I would ask your friend point blank if that is what she's REALLY planning to do. I can't imagine that anyone can be that cruel, what is she accomplishing by doing that, embarassing him??? She's the one that should be embarassed. How can you be friends with someone like that. I wonder what she'll do when she gets mad with you. Is she really going to do that, or is she trying to manipulate the whole situation with you and your ex and hope to break up your friendship. I have a feeling she is really trying to do. I don't really know what she has planned, but, either scenario isn't good and your ex deserves to know the truth, (whatever that might be) You might even tell him," _______told me something and I dont really know if it's true, so I am going to tell you and leave it at that, you can decide for yourself.. It could be that she is jealous of our friendship and wants me out of the picture, or she could actually be planning to not show up at the wedding, she said it was payback. " I think that's the best way to handle that situation, at any rate, I sure hope he ends up calling it off, because even if she's not planning to skip out, the fact that she can try to manipulate people to get what she wants is disgusting. I just hope your friend realizes "what goes around comes around" Even if she tells you, no I was just joking with you, I wouldn't do that. I think your ex should run, she mainpulative, she obviously doesnt love him and she is definately not a friend of yours. If she values your friendship she would never do that to someone who is important to you.

Answer 4

It sounds like a very tough call to make.. but the guy needs to know. Even though it seems like this should be the form of karma he outta have anticaipated... You can't just stand by and do nothing.

In the context of doing the right thing... you should let him know.

The alternative way to do it would be to ask the girl to let karma deal with the guy.. and that she should just end this right now. It won't be good for her either..who knows what karma may decide to do about her anyway.

It's going to be a waste of time, and she will be hurting more than just the guy.

The thing here is... if you opt to go and try to talk her out of it.. and if it doesn't work.. she may throw the whole thing back at you and make you look like the bad person. She may even tell the guy and make some story up so that your relationship with him (as friends) will also end (of course by this time you r relationship with the girl would have been done with) ...it's very tricky.. unless you'll play the ingenius hand and record your conversation with her, should it ever go south and she'd try to make you look like the evil hag in this story.

If you can't build a full-proof backup plan, I suggest that you just go and tell the guy. You may have a great relationship with this girl, and even though she's just attacking a guy in the end and not really you.. imagine the kind of person she really is now.. to be able to come up with something so cruel. In this situation, we can really put aside the fact that you still have feelings for the guy.

Why? Because you are helping out not for your personal gain, but simply because the plot against him is just way too cruel for someone to just stand around and do nothing..unless you're just as evil as the girl, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Hmmn.. another thing would actually be to talk to her about this whole thing.. and try to see if you can fix this up for them and have them live a happy life together.. It seems like a huge sacrifice for you because you have feelings for the guy.. but if it seems like they are the ones meant to be together.. maybe you can have her not go with this evil plot and see how they can patch things up...

In the end.. it's your decision to make.. I just hope you can take the tiime to reflect.. as your actions or inactions on this situation will somehow define the person that you are as well. Remember..there's always a responsibility in knowing truths about something(s).. Ball's in your court.

Answer 5

i think that in a situation like this where its a double edged sword you just need to stand back and let it unfold as its going to happen. i really think that all you can do is be a shoulder for whom ever to cry on when or if they get hurt. I do think that your friend is wrong for planning to run out on this wedding if they had broken up at the time and he slept with someone else while they were broken up then it wasnt cheating he just moved on a little quick, there was no malicious intent behind it and seeking this sort of revenge is dangerous because things always come back to you and it comes back so much worse then you dished it out.

Answer 6

Tell her that she needs to be honest with him. Give her a deadline and say that if she doesn't confess to him by, say, Wednesday, you're going to call him on Thursday morning and tell him the truth yourself. Warn her that it would be better coming from her than you. Tell her you love her like a sister and THAT is why you want her to do the right thing, because it's morally wrong to go through a sham like this that is VERY expensive if she doesn't intend to marry him.

Leave the whole part about you loving him out of it. That doesn't matter.

You have to be willing to lose the friendship over this. But think about it -- do you really want to be close friends with somebody who can be this dishonest, vindictive and cruel?

Answer 7

The wise-woman in me says to stay out of other people's bedrooms.

The absolute fool in me says sternly remind the bride that when a couple breaks up - neither party has any say-so as to what the other person does - and with whom. Since her fiance and she had broken up with each other prior to his sleeping with someone else - it's not cheating and she should rethink her vicious plans of leaving him at the altar and that it would be better for her to tell her fiance (also your friend) how upset his sleeping with someone else made her.

Say this only one time. It's up to her to tell him.

The thing is, if you tell this man, you'll only be looking like you want to break the couple up for your own purposes.

SO, if you must say anything at all - say it to the bride.

Then, if this woman goes through with her plans, be there for your man-friend and ditch the gal-pal. She's really immature and mean. Seriously, if she'd double cross him after all the expenses etc. then think of what she'd do to you!

Answer 8

I think you're going to have to stay out of this one. Don't tell him, because you can't win here at all. You have to separate what she said from your feelings for him.

There's no way to know if she's serious. She may not know herself. She may change her mind and show up, and where does that leave you?

Alternately, if she doesn't show, you can be there for him through it. And that can only help you in the long run.

You can ask again if she's serious. Tell her that there are easier ways to break up with someone than to do it that way. The public humiliation may appeal to her - but she's the one who's going to wind up looking like a spoiled b*tch in the end.

Good luck, dear. Your friend is a spoiled brat - make sure she doesn't mess up your life, too.

Answer 9

if you say something he will be mad at you, even if it is true and would probably never speak to you again. i would just try to tell this girl that revenge isn't the best way to go about it. she shouldn't be with him if she can't get over the fact that he slept with someone else. thats really all you can do and if she does hurt him on their wedding day by not showing up, be a good friend and comfort him.

Answer 10

I would not be friends with the type of person who would be so willing to hurt so many people just for revenge. She sounds like an evil person to me.
Revenge for WHAT? He slept with someone while they were broken up. There is nothing wrong with that, she had no reason to expect him to be "faithful" if they broke up!
Also, it isn't just him who would be hurt. All of the family members, friends, and people who care a lot about this girl and her fiancee would be terribly hurt.
You must tell, it is your duty as a human being.
This girl is not worthy of your ex or of your friendship at all.

Answer 11

I find this hard to believe; sounds really stupid. Are your friends 16 years old? If this is the case, I think you should say something; they arent the only people involved in a wedding, and others will be hurt/angered by this action.