I'm not getting married here, but want to know how is it that people can comprehend the costs of taking THEMSELVES out for a fine meal, drinking and dancing all night , yet they are dumbfounded as to what is an acceptable gift when being invited to a lavish wedding that provides all of this entertainment? I am blown away by some of the questions on this site that ask, what is a "funny" gift to give for a wedding or is my $10 toaster a good enough gift to give? Now I realize that brides and grooms are suppose to be putting on a party, however, where on the planet can you eat well, drink and dance all night for $10 or at the cost of a cheap toaster? I think it's insulting to walk into a reception hall with a package in hand, especially when it's from a mature, gainfully employed adult.
2007-07-16 02:18:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think I understand where you are going with this. I think you understand that "Etiquette" doesn't require a gift for a wedding, BUT when you are the GUEST you are saying why NOT give a gift in the equivalent that you would typically spend for a night out of dinner and dancing, right? And I agree - as a guest, not as a bride to be.
On a night out of dinner and dancing, we could EASILY spend $100. And if I would spend that much, why not GIVE that much for a simlar evening of dinner and dancing? Right?
Hey, I agree actually. Looking at this from the point of view of a GUEST - - - NOT as a BRIDE - - - I see nothing wrong with that thinking. I also think that it is ALSO correct for the bride and groom not to EXPECT gifts becaue not everyone can afford to spend that kind of money, but would like to share in their day. (But I think that is also what you are getting at.)
If you can AFFORD to spend $100 on a night out, then you should also WANT to spend the same on someone you care about. NOT that they should expect it.
That is what I consider when I am a guest at a wedding. I consider my relationship, what I can afford, and what I would spend for a similar evening out.
2007-07-16 04:02:04 · answer #1 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK well for a start a gift is not something you should expect, a gift is a gift, full stop. Guests are not obliged to take anything to a wedding, most people do because they care about the people getting married and want to give them a little something for the occasion. And as for the type of night out YOU described, well, I don't do that because I can't afford it, likewise I would buy a gift that I can afford, no way am I giving up my food budget for the week. It sounds like you would expect people to give you a gift that is of the same monetary value as your wedding meal (per head price) all I can say is I feel sorry for your friends because you sound like the type of person that would sever a friendship over a gift that you didn't like. Real life doesn't work that way, wait til your a grown up, then you'll realise the cost of living and paying your way in life, and that sometimes you have to sacrifice things like nights out drinking and having dinner so that you can pay your rent. Friendships are far more important than the cost of a gift. I don't expect ANYTHING at all from my guests, other than to turn up and enjoy the party.
2007-07-16 02:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Using your logic a bride and groom who invite me to a wedding at a small church followed by a reception at a beautiful garden should receive less of a gift than someone who invites me a wedding at a cathedral with the reception at the Hilton. That's crazy. All brides and grooms deserve the same quality gift from me. Nobody asked the bride and groom to throw something so lavish. I sure didn't ask them to. You aren't supposed to be reimbursed for what you or your parents spend on the wedding. I didn't make a reservation at your reception and skip out on the bill. You invited me! This is coming from someone who gives a large check at every wedding I attend but I give the same at every wedding, no matter how small or lavish it is.
2007-07-16 03:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's shallow. You do realize that some people want to share in the couple's happiness but cant afford a lavish gift, right? The gift is a GIFT, not payment for dinner and dancing. As a bride, I've specifically asked some of my guests to please NOT bring gifts since I know it would be hard on their budgets.
And as for walking into a reception hall with a package in hand, what's wrong with it? I'm assuming you're saying that people should bring cash instead of gifts in boxes, but if that were the case, what's the point in registering?
2007-07-16 02:35:14 · answer #4 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 9⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid I must join the others here: guests do not pay their way into a wedding. Invited people truly are guests and should not be expected to pay their way. They are invited to a celebration. A gift is customary, but the cost of that gift--or even the presence of one--is completely optional.
People who throw receptions they cannot afford on the thought that guests will pay their way through cash gifts is way more appalling than what you describe. Your way of thinking changes your guests' status to that of customer. I don't want customers at my wedding--I want guests who are going to celebrate this most happy ocassion with me and my groom. Some of my guests will give a gift much larger than the cost of their evening out. Others will give much less, but we don't care. We are having a wedding that we can afford to give and inviting the people we want to share our happiness with, who, in some cases, are people who can't afford the cost of the night out. A gift from the heart, even if it's a 99-cent card, is way more valuable than tallying up shares of the bill.
2007-07-16 05:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being a "mature, gainfully employed adult" does not always mean lots of money to spend.
I hope to god if I get to the point you are at during my engagement someone smacks me upside my head. I'm inviting people because I want them there, not because I want presents. I've even told some of them to not get us presents. If you are so concerned with what you are getting, you should have just canceled the wedding and spent the money on kitchen appliances and sheet sets.
2007-07-16 03:28:00 · answer #6 · answered by Allison L 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is the same as people who view their guests as freeloaders...even though they asked them to come to their wedding. Some people are clueless about what it is to be a host/hostess, and some people are clueless about what it is to be a gracious guest.
I do not think it is the job the the attendee to cover the cost of the reception. The couple can plan as huge a party as they wish. My gift is given based on my feelings for the couple, how close I am with them, etc...not on how much I estimate they've spent on it all.
2007-07-16 03:49:58 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You could solve this by charging admission to get into the wedding. Or hiring a bouncer, and ensuring that anyone who brings a gift worth less than the plate price is turned away at the door.
Or you and your husband could just sit outside on the sidewalk with an overturned hat in front of you.
2007-07-16 03:15:54 · answer #8 · answered by BeatriceBatten 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The purpose of giving a gift to a couple being married is to give them something to help start their life together. Cost is irrelevant, it is truly not. The gift is NOT to help cover the cost of the wedding; the couple are HOSTING people for the reception to help them celebrate their momentous day.
2007-07-16 02:43:34 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They can get away with it because, ur not supposed to ask for gifts...gifts are just that... a gift....people give u something because the want to....So no matter what thing they give u, u need to be appreciative. It can be an insult however...I made sure to register at stores everyone could afford and my gift items ranged greatly in price so no one would be put out buying gifts. I had some relatives that gave me items from around their house. Flatware they didn't want, or wild colored serving plates they got as a wedding gift and so on...that in my opinion is when people are being cheap. I would rather not get a gift.
2007-07-16 02:27:33 · answer #10 · answered by mrsprincess07 3 · 6⤊ 2⤋