The Mechanic has a look at it and tries to find out why it is not running well. ten minutes later he comes back out and says "well mate looks like you have blown a seal!"
The guy looks at the mechanic and says "no thats just a little bit of frost on my moustache!"
2007-07-15 23:35:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Oh goody my first ever star!
2007-07-15 23:40:29 · update #1
Funny-must remember that one!!xx
2007-07-15 23:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by SUZANNE R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"
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A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."
The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"
Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"
She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"
She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"
The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a broken index finger."
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An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:
YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!
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Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
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Little Nancy's Pet
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
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A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"
The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
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Wal-Mart vs. Heaven
I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices.
Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors
Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours
Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when the retire
Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone
Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers
Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint
Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices
Heaven: Sam Walton -- now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola -- now on sale!
2007-07-15 23:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Very good. Here have a star.
2007-07-15 23:53:45 · answer #3 · answered by politicsguy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I heard the penguin with ice cream version but of course penguins don't talk don't be silly that could never happen...
:)
2007-07-15 23:47:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Freakin’ Brilliant! Ha! Ha! Ha! Star for you!
2007-07-16 00:48:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read that like four times then finaly figured it out. Nice.
2007-07-15 23:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by Robbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lmao, you get a star
2007-07-16 00:07:46 · answer #7 · answered by @m@nd@ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hehehe, PMSL, what a cracker!! Have a star.
2007-07-15 23:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like Sam B's more
2007-07-16 03:50:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats hot!
2007-07-15 23:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by DumBlonD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋