help me with my emotionally abusive boyfriend? please help?

Question

iv asked a couple questions on here about my boyfriend. im 16 and hes almost 21. prettey much what sums its up is him always calling me names and putting me down all the time, he made me cry at his house once because he got mad i didnt give him a ******* when he wanted it. He has some really bad anger issues when he doesnt get his own way and he admitted that to me. Im always so close to dumping him but he always says hes sorry and somehow wins me back. When i talk to him my heart melts because hes so nice to me when hes not mad. but as soon as he gets mad i get really scared because he likes to throw things and punch walls when hes mad. He hates when i drink because he thinks its immature and he expects me to do everything he says when he thinks somethings right for me. I know most of you are going to say "dump him" but its not that easy. I just talked to him on the phone and he made me laugh and he was being so nice. sorry this is so long :S but hes wearing me down and i need help

Answer 1

What do you want us to say? There's no magic way to get over it overnight. Obviously, he's not going to change. You've done this enough to know that by now. You only have two choices: break up with him, go through the difficult emotional period that follows until you come through it and are over him, or stay with him and accept that you'll continue to be abused.

Answer 2

You're only 16 yrs old, what are you doing with an almost 21 yr old man? He could end up in prison for going out with a minor. He was mad and made you cry when you "didn't give him a ******* when he wanted it"? I'm presuming the " ******* " is sexual. That's horrible!

You should wean yourself away from him as well as the "drinking". I understand that it's not easy to dump him, I know from my own experiences and I admit I'm still learning. You're in an unhealthly relationship that is a roller-coaster ride of emotions and recovering can be difficult if you don't let go soon. Remember you are worth so much more than him treating you poorly. You know in your heart what is best for you and you will leave him when you are ready but don't be afraid of change. He is emotionally immature and a very abusive person both physical and emotional; name calling, belittling you constantly, punching walls, controlling. These traits are not of any quality and not what you want your boyfriend to be. Emotional abuse scars you internally. He should be kind, respectful and considerate. At your age, you should be having fun and definitely not have to fear your boyfriend's violent manner. You're right that behavior will wear you down and depression will set, if it hasn't already. He will gradually take away your self esteem till you lose yourself completely.

I'm sorry for all the pain you're feeling. Please treat yourself better and use this as a learning experience. Don't give him the power to take away your self-worth and values. Remember you can only be abused by someone to the degree that you allow it. The longer you stay away the stronger you will be. Then one day you will be amazed at how much you managed to put up with.

Nothing and no one is worth such abuse.

Wishing you strength.

Answer 3

When people have to throw and punch stuff when they get mad means they have a lot of there own problems!! This is not going to get better without some kind of action on your part. That may mean leaving him or having him go and talking to an anger management person. You should know that if there is no consequences to him being like that he wont change. I want you to keep in mind that most of the woman that get physically abused by there husbands started out only getting emotional abuse. What happens is you get used to the emotional abusive so it is not as affective, once that happens you will notice he because more physically violent. Worst case he could kill you if he gets to anger. I would say leave him until he gets some help then maybe you can get back together!!!!!! GOOD LUCK (you will need it if you stay)

Answer 4

happy to pay attention which you have made a huge determination for your self! I strongly advise which you get some professional help with a existence coach, very own progression coach or counsellor. relatively, somebody who can assist you to progression forward in an excellent way. in case you go with for to not get help, attempt engaged on development love for your self (as you would be emotionally broken suited now because of the fact of what has got here approximately). I understand you're lonely notwithstanding that's on no account a stable concept to take a step returned right into a detrimental relationship. additionally, stay away from stepping into yet another relationship till you're emotionally stable. i wish this facilitates!

Answer 5

hmm...this is a pretty tough situation..

lets see..he loves u and u love him too
he is caring now..and hates when u drink
he punches walls and makes u cry when he gets angry
every time u want to break up he says sorry and u melt
he loves u ..u love him

now lets see this
he dominates u and u love him
he is obsessive and controlling
he'l punch u next time and make u cry a lot
next time u want to break up..he might stalk u..or hit u
he wants u and u hate him

sorry i had to write this way..but i have some experience and i know how the behaviour changes slowly
if u cant leave him...warn him..and tell him no amount of sorries are enough to cover up for the emotional trauma u are suffering
or just break up with him on temporary basis..
i would say just give him one last chance to improve or this could get worse
sorry if i offended u..
hope this helps
god bless and take care

Answer 6

I have had many people(males) in my life that were abusive. I know saying 'just dump him' won't work. But if he's hurting you, maybe try telling him you need 2 take a brake and take a few weeks without him, actting as though you are single and finding out about other guys and spending time getting to know yourself and what you really want in a realtionship. Becasue the way he treats you is the way he'll probably treat your children, if it ever gets to tat point. Take it from some1 whos been there. My father was abusie to my mother and he promised everytime he did something that he wouldnt treat his kids that way and he did. For your safety and others, find a way out, as hard as it is.. find a way that will keep you and peace, and safe from 'falling' objects.

Answer 7

OK sorry but why are your parents letting you date someone that old? I have been where you are but I was a lot older at the time. I know how hard it is but you are only 16. You have a lot of life ahead of you. How can you say he makes you happy when you are scared of him and he makes you cry? You need to get away while you can. It will go from emotional to physical if you dont stop it NOW.

Answer 8

Yes you should dump him as much as you don't want to. You don't realize he's emotionally controlling you, by putting you down and when you can't take anymore, he sweetens up again to keep you around. Once you are away from him you'll realize just how unhappy you really were. You're still young there's better guys out there for you. Not to put your age down, but he's obviously too immature to find women his age so he finds younger ones that are easier to manipulate.

Answer 9

I was in a relationship like this once. I completely understand what if feels like to be in a relationship that deep down you know isn't healthy, but yet you can't seem to give it up. It's like sometimes you feed on it, and you depend on him for everything. Hard habit to break....but I learned that in the end its a habit that you HAVE to break. Trust me, it isn't worth staying in this relationship until something drastic happens that finally pushes you over the edge and forces you to see the reality and end things. By the time it gets to this point you will be kicking yourself over and over for not putting your foot down sooner. And...something that helped me was realizing that if it really is true love and as great as you think it is, your connection with each other would be able to withstand some time apart. Breaking up with him doesn't have to be FOREVER if you change your mind later on down the road - but I don't think you will in this case. I think it just helps to realize that nothing has to be permanent. Just take care of yourself the best you can...and in your case that means getting away from someone who is beating you down and making you feel bad about yourself and your life. Best of luck to you!!

Answer 10

Do you like roller coaster...may be you do, but to live a roller coaster live, it is not worth it. One moment happy the other sad. You are young and have all the time in the world to choose a lasting relationship. Consider all the pros and cons. Evaluate what is the best for you. Any rational decisions is a big time pay off later.