airforce against husbands wish?

Question

i (24 married and mother of two3 and1) would like to join the airforce after thinking about this for a long time,after sitting down and wanting to discuss this with my husband i flat out got a NO from him.let me furter explain he has been in the army been to iraq twice when it first started, and was lost by his unit until found one month later half starved with hulusinations.this has traumatised him,he refuses counseling when his 4 year contract was over he got out and started working for peterbilt as a high payed mechanic.now after holding my wish to myself for so long and running out of time to join i finally got the guts togheter to speeck with him about my long withheld dream.my family goes far back in the airforce,my great grandfather was a cournel his wife my great grandmother was one of the first women to fly a airplain across the ocean to england all this has its reasons to me.now im at my end and would be great to hear some thoughts from you all if i should let go of my deam

about him beeing lost that is the real story you should know that everything doesnt hit the news.i pursed nursingschool after graduating d growing up in germany after that i met my husband and i didnt want to serve the same time he was.then we became pregnant twice and well now would be my first chance to pursue my dream..as for the kids my mother lives nearby she does not work she would watch the kids for us.our marriage is kind of rocky right now,but we will work through this.and he had his mandatory counseling when they sent him back after finally finding him.they said that he would be fine,kind of hard to believe really. we live in san antonio so lackland is right arround the corner,from our house.i just wanted to hear some though love reasons why i should go or stay at home.

oh by the way i would never just go and sign up without my husbands approval!!!!

Answer 1

Your husband has gone through a terrible experience, at the root of which is the military. He has seen the aboslute worse possible scenario come true and he has no desire to see the mother of his children take that risk. He is probably still reliving the expereience and since he won't seek help or support to work through it, that will not change anytime soon. While I understand your desire to serve your country (and applaud it) it is very unlikely your husband will change his position and very likely that if you insist on joining, your marriage will suffer because of it. He is too angry and traumatized to be able to deal with the military again...even as the spouse this time round. So the question comes down to why you want to join even knowing what your husband has been through and are you willing to risk your marriage on it? If your desire to join is because you feel your marriage is already deteriorating and you can't save it, but want to provide for your children, that is one thing. But if you are basically happy in your marriage, love your husband and want that to continue, then this may not be the right path. There are other ways you can help your country that would be less threateningto your husband. Volunteer for the Red Cross or USO. See about working in a civilain capactiy on a nearby military installation. Start an orginization in a local church or one of your kid's schools to send boxes to the men and women in Iraq as well as to the ones recovering at Walter Reed and other military bases. Go to college or become a pilot..all of which would be wonderful ways to honore your famiy history. And if you do decide the Air Force is what you must do, then try to get your husband to go to a marriage counselor with you before you leave. It may help.

Answer 2

I'm joining the Air Force, if it is ment to be, I'm doing AF ROTC, so wheh I graudate in about 6 years, should be 3, but things have kind of need adjustment, I should commission as an officer upon receving my bachelor's. But I also want a family and in the end my family is what is most important to me. I know that if I ever meet the man of my dreams and I have to chose bewteen starting a family or pursuing a career in the AF, which can sometimes be a lonely and hard one, but yet rewarding and greta experience-it'd be a tough choice, because getting there wasn't easy, and I always dream about life on the other side, if it happens*, but if I had to chose, I'd chose family, they are whats 1st-whats mroe important to you?..Why do you want to go?..If you reason is because you want to serve your country then do it, but you also have to thinkm about family and the strain that it might cause. Some families are meant for this type of life style,is yours?..

Answer 3

As parents, our kids come before our dreams.

1.) Your life is your own but be mindful that you could lose your kids and your marriage is your husband files and sues for abandonment. On the other hand, would you trust your husband alone with your kids while you are at Lackland and going through Tech School(s)? UNtil you get your 5 level, you are constantly studying, training and at the beck and call of your command.

2.) I was both in the Marines and later the Air Force, I enjoyed the Air Force even if I spent more time away in the Air Force than I ever did in the Corps. Mission Requirements; it was rough on my marriage and led to its demise.

3.) Of all the Armed Services, the Air Force is more family oriented and will go the extra mile for military member parents.
I became a single dad of a 3.5 YO girl in the late 80s and was allowed to stay on Active Duty until I OPTED to get out when Clinton was elected in 92. Current policies unknown!

4.) As for your husband's problems: my advise is to tell him, get into a program or you're leaving him.
My father was a nutter after combat in Korea. It ended up with physical abuse on my mom and we the children. HIs intense paranoia delved into every aspect of his life and ours UNTIL he got help in the early 70s. I do wish your husband well.

5.) Look at the reserves or ANG.
You still have to pull basic and tech school(s) but it might help sway your husband to coming into your corner.
I went active duty USAF after being in the NMANG. Not only was it easier administratively but I found that it REALLY was a great way of life.

Good luck.

Answer 4

If you join the AF full time, you will lose your husband and probably your kids....seems a steep price to pay to stroke your ego. BTW I find the story about your husband being an MIA in Iraq for a month kind of hard to believe...that kind of thing would have been on the news for sure - and wasn't.
The advice about joining the Air Reserve or Guard is a good one.

What is the real story here?

Answer 5

I'm in the AF. Life isn't bad for me, do I deploy, yes (3 times in 8 years), but that's expected. I love it though and am not sure what I would do if I weren't in. I have a great job, that will allow me to get paid some good money once I decide to let it go. I have traveld and seen things that I never though I would, I met my husband and from him I had my daughter..i have been blessed in the AF. I say give it a go..you only get one life.

Answer 6

I dislike the idea of anyone who already has small children joining the military. If this was your lifelong dream, why did you marry and have children during your prime join-the-military years? I'm not questioning this because your husband is against it (although you would be leaving him to raise the children alone--just because he did it to you doesn't make that choice any better). But I do think there are other things you can do to support the military without putting undue hardship on your family.

Answer 7

Your husband has seen the elephant and knows it is no place he'd want his wife and the mother of his children to go. You really ought to honor his wishes.

If you insist upon enlisting in the Air Force, expect to get a divorce, and probably loose custody of your children to your husband. In which case, you will have child support payments withheld from your pay.

Don't do it.

Doc Hudson, former 1st LT USAFR

Answer 8

Your husband has been there and seen things that you will not ever fully understand. I think it's admirable of him to protect you from yourself on this matter. Besides, why are you risking making your children motherless, dont you want to see your kids grow up? You can choose a great career that does not involve so much risk and moving around. I do think it's very honorable of you to want to serve, but I think your 1st service is to your children.

Answer 9

How to deal with husband's ex wife?

Answer 10

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