Every year we go to my husband's family reunion but because it was the first time we had taken our baby daughter, I had no idea what traveling with a baby entailed so I took forever and a day to pack. We had planned on arriving on Fri. evening but got there so late we just went straight to our hotel and met up with everyone Sat. I know my mother-in-law was pretty upset about this because she called my husband twice Fri. evening asking what was taking so long for us to head out.
Sunday afternoon we ate lunch at my in-laws' house and when I finally got the chance to sit down and eat after feeding the baby, I was about halfway through my meal when my mother-in-law looked up at the clock and said it was 20 past 4pm! I freaked out knowing how long the drive back would be & that my husband needed to go to work the following day. I tossed out my half-eaten plate, ran to the bathroom & changed the baby who was fussy & needed a nap.
2007-07-15 18:35:45 · 17 answers · asked by sad_discoverer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I ran to find my husband to tell him we really needed to head out & found him with his mother going over some computer files she needed help with. He told me he would be done soon and my mother-in-law said she just needed some help with some stuff and that it wouldn't take long. Almost 30 mins. later my husband casually strolls out and everyone takes their time with their good-byes. I figured my husband must have realized that it was actually 20 past 3pm not 4pm, told my mother-in-law that and it had just been her mistake looking at the clock and that's why no one was in a hurry.
Well, on the drive home my husband asked, 'Remember when my mom told you the time and you freaked out?' I responded, 'Yeah, she messed up and thought it was an hour later.' 'No', he said, 'she told me she told you that to get you to hurry up so that you wouldn't waste my time and make us late heading back home and she knew I had a long drive.' WTF?! I don't plan on ever going back. Am I wrong?
2007-07-15 18:44:44 · update #1
Your mother-in-law doesn´t like you and your husband should be ashamed of himself; how could him let her talk about you in that way? You shouldn´t be late but she has no rights to talk about you like that.
Explain him how you feel and don´t waste your time going to that stupid reunion EVER again....
2007-07-15 19:18:17 · answer #1 · answered by helloy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Having been married for 18 yrs. so far and had been through a similiar experience but with an Italian Matriarch, I can try to guide you through this. First of all, I am surprised that you were both so rude as to NOT call your Mom-in-Law when you saw that you were going to be late and just head for your hotel. What were you both thinking?! She probably had something special planned out, probably spent the whole day cleaning and you two couldn't handle a phone call to say, Mom we're sorry, but we will be arriving really late and have to see you in the morning? Wow!
She was probably really hurt that you BOTH did it to her and from your RUDE actions at dinner, probably thought you put him up to it. During the visit, how did you react with her? Did you apologize when you showed up or did you just bother with the baby? Maybe she wanted to help you but your body language put her off and then just made her angrier. I feel you are the blame for a part of this and some is her fault too. Your hubby knows his mom best and really, HE should have made the call home once you two realized how late you were going to be arriving. When she made the announcement re: the time. Here was your opportunity to say, Oh mom, I'd just love it if you could help me with the baby things and could you possibly give me some advice on what to pack for next year's reunion? I was just so overwhelmed with the baby stuff and we could really use your help. This would have gotten much better results, she would have felt it was like an apology and everything would be "ok". Now, you have to figure a way to mend fences or your family life will be hell. First thing you do...eat crow and call your Mom-in-Law & apologize for your behavior. Do NOT involve your hubby. Just say again that you were overwhelmed and would she ever consider visiting you so she could help with the baby or help you get organized? You could tie it in with how you noticed that everything was planned well at the reunion and that you really need her help. If you love your husband, and your new family...don't delay. This is only 1 battle and it didn't need to occur. Don't worry...there are plenty of ups & downs in marriage(we don't get a manual for kids either).
2007-07-22 18:43:59 · answer #2 · answered by guard dog 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she should come out to visit you. I'm with you, don't go. That was very mean of her to do that to you. Did your husband back you up, I guess not since he told you on your way home. Tell your husband, since your mother has to lie about the time maybe you should go alone. I will stay home with the baby. That way she won't have to lie again, since I won't be there to make you late in leaving there shouldn't be a problem. And if she complains about not seeing the baby, suggest to your hubby that he take the baby alone. (If you feel comfortable about it) to see his mom. That way he can see how easy it is to travel with a baby. Maybe he would be more sympathetic if he knew what you are going through taking the baby on a trip. Of course it will mean a little less time with his mom as he will be busy changing diapers, feeding the baby, etc. Sounds to me as if there is no appreciation for all that you do. Personally I think what she did was uncalled for and totally mean spirited. Good Luck & Aloha
2007-07-22 12:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by meg o hawaii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello! mom-in-law needs to make sure that she keeps her biz out of yours.Second,tell that husband of yours that if he ever pulls that on your rear end again that it will be time for him to move back in with mummsy.Oh and by the way let him know that it was wrong for him to agree with his mom.What if YOUR family did that and You had to drive all the way home and go to work the next day?You have now been completely set aside in family matters.Mom could have stepped up to the plate and helped you instead of being a sneak.A first time mom can never do things right the firat time because it's the first time.Get it?Don't forget it.Tell mom that she had no right doing you wrong and that from now on if she wants to see you up at her place she had better make sure to pack some patience of her own.
2007-07-15 19:27:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to sit down with your mother-in -law and talk!! The last thing you want to do is push her aside. She sounds like she wouldn't put up with it and it will just get worse. Ask her for her advise or trick she used to help stay on time and on track. You don't really need to follow them, but it sure would help your relationship. She might just surprise you and have some good ideas for you. I know my mother in law and I have had our differences but we respect each other and both love her son!!!
Take the time to heal this!!!
2007-07-22 21:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by justu_4_me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how close you husband is to his mother. If he is a momma's boy, that might cause some problems between the two of you. I would nicely (if possible) talk to her about what she did and how that made you feel. You should also mention that if she can't treat you better you will not come back. If she gets mad, who cares. You're not going back anyway. If she apologizes, all is well.
2007-07-17 08:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by kvanish 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mother-in-law has no tact and she still treats her son like her little bitty boy... She needs to grow up and realize that he is married with a baby and that he now has a package deal not just himself anymore. She didn't help with the baby? Most grandmothers do... Shame on her for not helping out a first time mom.
2007-07-21 22:14:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to say your not going back is not good. i hope your not in a fight with your husband over this. if he learns that you dislike his mom it could be painful for him. he sounds really understanding for telling you that. just try to forget that little incident. is it possible he doesnt want to be late again to keep his mom in good faith with you? try not to lose his confidence in your abilities to be a good mother and wife and daughter-in-law.
maybe you should put her on your IM and forge a friendship. your in-law really wanted to have some time with her son. maybe she did the right thing in her eyes. this is such a small matter, don't allow it to destroy your marriage.
look on the positive side, keep the love in the family.
2007-07-23 02:52:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very upset also. To me that was a very cruel thing to do. Your husband could have helped get things ready to leave your house on friday so you could have gotten off on time, but then your husband could have helped get everything together to go back home, but it seems thoughtfulness isn't one of his family traits. If she lies about that what else does she lie about?
2007-07-16 03:39:09 · answer #9 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you always running late?Tell her that you have a mother of your own,but thanks for caring.Your husband sounds as if he doesn't take up for you with his mother.Go back and act as if nothing is wrong and she does it again ask her are you sure that's what time it really is?Kill her with kindness.Don't give her a reason to hate you.Lots of luck.
2007-07-22 05:03:30 · answer #10 · answered by fernwood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋