Am I wrong or was the homeless guy wrong?

Question

I walked into a theater and a homeless man asked me for money, saying he was down on his luck. So I was feeling sorry for the guy, and so I fished through my purse, and only found 10 cents, which I know is not much, but I usually don't carry cash or check on me since cards are so convenient now a days. So I gave it to the guy. He took a look at it, and threw it on the ground, and gave me a ten minute lecture on how rude it is to give someone change like that. And I was stunned. Here I am just being nice and giving him all the money I have, and I'm getting sh*t for it? Am I wrong in giving the guy all the change I had on me? It seemed like the moral of the story is that don't help the homeless because they don't want change? Then perhaps I shouldn't help anyone at all? I don't know what other people think...but perhaps I shouldn't have tried to help at all?

Answer 1

He saw you digging through your purse and trying to find more, didn't he? If it was clear it was all the cash you had, then he was rude. If it wasn't clear, well then I think you should've said something like 'I thought I had more cash on me but I'm all out, just this dime is all'. It just depends, because if you had loads of cash and gave so very little that would've been insulting indeed. May've just been a case of mis-communication, where he didn't realize (or believe) it was all you had on you.

Answer 2

You were kind to try, what does he expect you to do hand over your card and tell him the pin number? Why not hand over the keys to your car as well. If he wants real cash he can get a job or mooch off a shelter. I'm not trying to be heartless, I know many people can't get a job because of many different disorders or problems... but seriously "Beggars can't be choosers" If he throws the ten cents down then he obviously either doesn't need it, or is extremely selfish and believes the world owes him a living, Either way, you did the best you could, it is never wrong to try to help out even if you are helping a monstrous demon by accident. There's a homeless man near us who not only thanks you for even the smallest biscuit you give him but also rejects items he thinks are "too good" for him.. not everyone you meet will be so rude. He may be an thankless grouch but I thank you for trying to help. If it were me in need, I would have practically worshiped you in that moment.

Answer 3

You had your heart in the right place, certainly, but 10 cents isn't really much help to anyone. Next time, if you want to help a homeless person and don't have any cash, drive through a fast food place and get a burger for them with your credit card. My friend does this all the time, and the people really seem to appreciate it. If someone confronts you, just apologize, explain that you have no cash on you, and wish them luck.

Answer 4

Don't dwell on it. I've been the target of some aggressive panhandling in the past. It's very unpleasant, unnerving and annoying to have someone do that to you, especially when you were trying to help.

- You stopped when he talked to you.
- You took the time to look through your purse for money.
- You gave him everything you had.
- I'm sure that you did all of this with true feeling in your heart, versus some spiteful soul who knew they only had 10 cents and wanted to make this person upset.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like someone who feels as if they wasted their best material and didn't get anything for it. If he was truly down on his luck, he would have realized all of this and been grateful for what he received. As it was, I don't think this guy would have been happy unless you went to the ATM and withdrew a twenty. If I were in that situation (thank God I'm not), with as many people who don't carry cash any more, I think I would take what I could get!

Answer 5

He was wrong. You may have been better off not giving him anything at all because ten cents can't buy much. However, it was really rude of him to lecture you like that. Not many people would stop to give a homeless person money. He should've been grateful for what he could get. (BTW, be careful in the future to not rifle through your purse in front of them; you don't want it to be stolen!) If a person like that really wants to make money, they need to find a way that is better than begging for handouts. There are also better ways for us to help the homeless than giving cash. We can give our time.

Answer 6

From my experience in not only dealing with panhandlers, but rude or snappy ones at that, there is almost zero worth in trying to reason with them or debate them on the grounds of anything.

You did nothing wrong -- except perhaps fishing through your purse in front of someone you don't know, homeless or not. And not carrying cash or coins while on foot is, for this purpose alone, wise for anyone whose sympathy is easily played upon.

Your best bet is to ignore panhandlers -- avoid eye contact and just walk briskly and purposefully past them. They get this treatment from most people, so most of the time it won't alarm them that you're ignoring them too.

Sometimes, especially if the homeless person is a female who is in legitimate distress, you could offer a piece of gum or candy -- or a small snack, if you have it handy -- to brighten their spirits. Just remind them that's all you can offer.

Different people will tell you different things -- just my two cents.

Answer 7

Omigod--you were totally NOT wrong! The guy was a JERK! Were he a truly desperate person instead of money-grubbing, pan-handling swindler, he would've been GRATEFUL for the 10 cents, because he'd know that EVERY cent adds up, even the tiniest amounts.
And, purchasing unrequested food items for a panhandler is a waste of one's money, too--that type of person is NOT interested in food, and will toss it as soon as you're gone.
You certainly don't have to stop helping, because being generous can be accomplished in other ways.
As someone already suggested, offering to TAKE the homeless person for food is a better option since you'll learn right away if they're only seeking cash (for alcohol/drugs) or are truly needy if they agree to go. (Of course, you're not gonna know from any brief encounter, be it good or horrific, whether the poor soul is willing to change their situation or not....)
Yet, even donating a specific amount of money to a legitimate homeless charity in your town that allocates the majority of its $$ to it the people it helps (NOT using it for "administrative" expenses like the Salvation Army does) can aid those who aren't sleeping on the streets and want a better life, if even for one night.
Yeah, it's nice to give directly to those in need but not if it means getting flack for it!
In our city, one organization gives food and household items DIRECTLY to the needy/homeless - the stuff isn't sold first. So it always feels good to give stuff to them knowing the items will be put to use by people who NEED 'em.
So, put away the big baseball bat--the one you're beating yourself up with!! lol, and leave this beggar in the gutter where he belongs.
Dz

Answer 8

You were doing what you could out of the kindness of your heart. You just happened upon a greedy, heartless person.....homeless or not. The guy was obviously a jerk. Don't take it to heart.
I've seen that sort of thing before, but the homeless guy was told off by the person offering food (the homeless guy got irritable that it wasn't the kind he wanted). He ended up apologizing when he was made to realize that he was lucky he was getting anything at all.
My husband and I have run into some very nice, very grateful homeless people too, so don't let that incident tarnish your generous heart. Not everyone who is homeless is a greedy jerk.

Answer 9

I doesn't matter who is right or wrong, all that matters is that you did what felt right to the best that you could. When my husband and I were in Toronto we had a couple homeless people approach us, and you could really tell how badly in need they were by what they accepted. One homeless man came up our car asking for money and told us how he was on the streets and hungry, and we, like you, only brought cards with us into the city, so we offered him the fresh berries, chocolates, drinks, and snacks that we had bought for the evening, but he refused saying he only wanted money, even though he kept saying how he was hungry. Another foreign man, the same day, who I assume didn't speak English walked up to us and rubbed his tummy and so we handed him a bag of Fritos and he smiled and walked away. Sometimes there is only so much you can do for someone, and it's never you're fault if they reject your best effort. In fact, my mom refuses to give homeless people money because she's seen so many of them use it for alcohol. She'll offer to take them shopping and pay their things or offer to take them out to eat, but she's says she "won't pay for acoholism".
So, definitely don't feel bad, you offered him everything you could, if he really needed it, he would have graciously accepted.

Answer 10

You did the right thing- usually when I'm in that kind of situation I appologize that I don't have more and have never encountered such a situation. I think that this person might have vented his/her frustrations with all the *&$# that homeless people have to deal with on a day to day basis. Not only are they ignored and treated as non-persons but they are also subjected to passer-by's rude comments. Don't take it personally and don't let it hurt others that need a bit of help.