How do you know when he isn't meant for you or when you have unrealistic expectations?

Question

I was with a guy for 5 years. I broke up with him because I had been with him from the time I was 17. I wanted to experience more & be on my own. However, I'm now 25 & we've remained very close friends. Sometimes, I fear I'm going to regret it if I don't get back together with him & marry him. I worry that this is as good as it gets & I won't find anyone else to marry. I def don't have visions of the perfect fairytale marriage, but I hope there's something more to marriage than a relationship that dwindles to comfort & friendship after 5 years. I want more fulfillment out of a relationship, I want more attraction, I want more shared interests. Is this too much to ask? He's a great guy & does so much for me.....why do I feel like something's missing? Why do I feel like the bad guy for not being ga-ga over him?

I don't want to feel like I missed out on a good thing, yet I also don't want to feel like I settled......... So I fear that things won't feel right whichever way they go.

If I married him, I would feel:
-I settled
-I married the first person I had a serious relationship with
-I didn't allow myself to see what else was out there for fear of losing someone & ending up with nothing
-I married someone that I have no real physical attraction for (anything beyond cuddling would feel gross almost)
-I married someone only because he is so good to me & does so much for me & I can count on him not to leave me

If I left him for good, I would feel like:
-I lost a best friend, someone who knows me really well, and someone who did a lot for me

I don't know...I'm about to say screw getting married to anyone...it doesn't seem worth it. I just wish I could find someone that I would be excited about marrying....I don't want a fairytale...but I'd like a little more excitement & a little less doubt. Evidently, that is too much to ask for.

Answer 1

I think you've already answered this one for yourself. Take a look at the length of your con list in comparison to the pros. Granted, friendship is pretty important, but if you don't feel like you have enough in common or the passion to sustain a romantic relationship right now, how do you think you're going to feel in 20 years?

As for giving up on marriage, you've still got plenty of time. Just take a look at the interests that you don't feel this guy is fulfilling for you, and start searching for ways to satisfy those on your own. Maybe you'll meet someone exploring them, and maybe you won't, but it'll definitely help with the "missing out" feeling.

Answer 2

one simple way to know is do you know what u want in a guy that this guy doesn't have.
and if this guy does so much for you he will probably go that extra but to give you what you want that he already doesn't.
9 out of ten marriages i see are built on both partner working together to give each other the life they want.
lots of people told me to wait for the right guy and magic will happen but in my search i met some guys i thought will make me happy but i came home to a simple guy and he makes me happy. its not a lottery. lts life. u can run around from piler to post looking for someone who may or maynot love you or take a decision and stick with the one that loves you.

Answer 3

You need to learn and understand the difference between romance and love. You can chase ga-ga feelings your whole life and never be satisfied. Marry him. Ga-ga feelings come and go. It sounds like he's in it for the long haul. You're not likely to find that somewhere else.

Answer 4

Forget ga-ga. I used to go for guys who I fell for.............it never lasted. I found a sweet, loving guy and he asked me to marry him. Life is what you make it. I wish you all the best in your decision, but trust your gut and as the song goes from Roxette.......Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.
God Bless!

Answer 5

the minute you ask yourself this question, you should know

Answer 6

pray and think that is all .