I had my,who is now 21 years old,and his Father has not been intouch with ether of us since my son was 18months old,that was when he last seen me or my son,He moved away from the area,not a card for my sons birthdays or xmas card nothing at all,but his Mother and Father,have aways been incontact with my son,every birthday and xmas,there would be cards and presents of the grandparents,and has my son reached an age where he would go and visit them by his self,Id say the past 5years there as been weekly contact beween my son and the grandparents,which i aproved off,and he has just turned 21 in June,and he started getting pains in his chest,and loss of breath,he was at work and he took a really bad turn,his heart beat had shoot up to 240beats per min,after three days of medication to see if any would slow the heart down,none worked so they electric shooked him,yes regular beats now,thankgod,All of a sudden his Father been intouch wanting to dsee him I dont know what to do HELP PLEASE.
2007-07-15 15:02:38 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thankyou all so much for answering honestly,he is still in hospital at the moment,hoping to get him home soon,it was just a shook for me to be told that his SO CALLED DAD WANTS TO SEE HIM NOW,IT HAS TOOK MY SON TO GO THOUGH THIS FOR HIM TO CONTACT HIM,YES ME AND HIS FATHER ARE ALOT OLDER NOW BUT I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE HIM, AND A SPECIAL THANKYOU TO DANNY G,HOW KIND OF YOU TO SAY WHAT YOU HAVE,THANKYOU AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU.
2007-07-15 15:54:00 · update #1
there's really not a whole lot you can do, your sons 21 now the decision is his.Your job is done (well in a sense I'm the mother of 3 the youngest is 21) believe me he knows who he can depend on, who was there with him and loved him unconditionally. Talk with him about it, see how he feels about seeing his father and maybe having a relationship with him. Let him know you will be there to support his decision no matter what it may be.What ever you do don't make him feel guilty if he decides to have a relationship with him.This is his father, he may get to know him and he takes off again and as much as we would like to protect our children from this kind of hurt this is one time if it happens we can't.He has the right to know his father weather it turns out good or bad.The only thing you can do is be there for him.good luck
2007-07-15 16:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first reaction would be to tell the bastard get hell away from your son but this is not your decision to make. Remember, your son is already 21 and he is the one to decide if he wants to see his biological father or not. He probably is still a bit shaken up by the episode he had, still he may need to see his father, please, let him decide. I know what he's done is terribly wrong but maybe your son needs to tell him a few things personally, at least don't deny him that chance. Maybe if things go well you may not feel easy about it since you probably hold a grudge against the man but let your son do his talking. He'll get what he deserves for leaving the two of you. Nothing goes unpaid either in this life or in another one.
I completely agree with Phil S, don't fret.
2007-07-15 15:16:30 · answer #2 · answered by Der weiße Hexenmeister 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes something drastic for people to realize how stupid they have been. Your son has probably formed an opionion of his father a long time ago. If you are asking this question, it is obvious you love your son. Love him enough to look past the ignorance of his father. You probably hurt because your son was hurt all of those years. After the hurt, you were probably just mad. Don't carry all of that anger around in you. Let your son make this decision which will probably take him a long time to come to terms with it but don't make him feel guilty if he chooses to see the slime!
2007-07-15 15:27:16 · answer #3 · answered by JJDK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your son make the decision about whether or not his father can be in touch. Your son's 21 years old, is an adult and can decide for himself. Don't let your anger at your ex get in the way of your son's relationship with his father. If he wants to get to know his father, don't stand in the way. If he doesn't want to see him, ask the grandparents to talk to the father and ask him not to call. Ultimately, your son should be the one who gets to say yes or no.
2007-07-15 15:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, tough situation. Could it be that his father was scared of father hood or scared of not being fit to be a dad?..I guess what happened to your son is like a sign that he should take up and very seriously, kind of like getting a second chance, and if he doesn't take it, it'll be gone?..Well, I would call him, if you can just speak to him-start with questions you have or things you want to say and let it flow from there. Then have him speak to he's daddy and let them handle the issue.
2007-07-15 15:40:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this douche. It sounds like he has a track history of lieing and cheating. I guess it comes down to your values. If it were me, i do not tolerate any lieing/cheating so i'd be out of the door with the baby. Thats not to say i wouldnt let him see his child, but i definitely wouldnt want to be strung along by a guy like this. If on the other hand you are pretty forgiving or you do believe he is committed to you and nothing has gone on, then i'd watch things for a while. But based on track record, i think youd be kidding yourself that nothing has gone on behind your back..good luck!
2016-05-18 22:08:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well to be honest i think everyone deserves a second chance however hard it will be for everybody. i know how it feels to be a single parent and my sons father left when he was born and not heard anything since it makes me angry and sad but if he turned up even though it would be hard i would give him one more chance. my son deserves to know youve tried. i hope your son is going to okay and i wish the two of you the best and hope everything works itself out in the end.
2007-07-16 04:59:24 · answer #7 · answered by Exx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he is still your son's father but that needs to be left up to your son. He is of age now and knows that his father hasn't been there for him. If your son finds it in his heart to forgive his dad and I know its hard but think of Jesus on the cross and forgiving His own people for nailing Him to the cross then who are we then not to forgive. I will keep you and your son in my prayers. Go to the Lord in prayer and He will give you the answer.
May God Bless
Danny
2007-07-15 15:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
your son doesn't need to see him now. your son is in his adolescence, so his body reacts very strongly to the stress.
let him calm down, talk to the doctors and ask them for an advice. they would know what to tell you.
your son should decide easily whether he would like to meet the bastard of his dad. can't count on the understanding of your ex. he doesn't care for the son. anyhow you should explain him about your son's will and about the doctor's decision. you could even talk to his parents.
now your son's health is the most important. he suffered a shock, so he would slowly calm down and accept the fact that his so called dad wants to meet him.
2007-07-16 00:02:31 · answer #9 · answered by veceras 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been in exactly the same situation myself, im now 24! my biological piece of s**t ran off as soon as he was told my mum was pregnant, he said he wanted nothing to do with me! after i was born he came back for a couple of visits bringing me a big bag of sweets! then that was it he was gone again.
I ended up in intensive care when i was 14, with a burst appendix, he wanted to walk back into my life when i pulled through!
to wich i told him to jog on in no un certain terms! thankfully i have a very special dad who took me on as his own!!
let ure son make his desiscion hun, he will make the right 1, he will know in his heart what is right, hope its all ok for u both xx
2007-07-15 15:41:32 · answer #10 · answered by Ema J 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋