I love humorous quotes. The best ones to me are about life in general, or society, culture, politics, etc...from Mark Twain to George Carlin.
2007-07-15 11:59:13 · 13 answers · asked by trekey0 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
The following quotes are from Mark Twain.
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any."
"I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time."
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."
"Be good and you will be lonely."
"It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected."
"You ought never to take anything that don't belong to you - if you can not carry it off."
"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits."
Best wishes.
2007-07-15 15:43:49 · answer #1 · answered by Doctor J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do, or do no longer. there is not any try. - Yoda there's a mild on the top of each tunnel, merely pray it is not a prepare. Jesus is coming, all human beings look busy. My mom buried 3 husbands, and a couple of of them have been merely sleeping. - Rita Rudner We might desire to have faith in success. for a manner else can we clarify the achievement of those we don't love? - Jean Cocturan all human beings’s entitled to be stupid yet you're abusing the privilege Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand continually provide 3 weeks word once you stop. It delivers time beyond regulation to screw around. in case you want area connect NASA! If guy might desire to create the appropriate lady, he'd in all hazard cheat on her. do no longer decide a e book by this is cover -- decide it by the action picture. the place there's a will, i want to be in it.
2016-10-03 21:27:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't leave out the great Steven Wright..
"I have a dog. He's a paranoid retreiver. He brings back everything because he can't remember what I threw him."
"Why aren't there any B batteries?"
"I went to an art museum where they were showing a display of children's artwork. They had all the paintings hung on refrigerators."
"Yesterday, I bought a decaffeinated coffeetable. You can't tell the difference."
This one may be from George Carlin...I'm not sure...
"There's Burger King, Dairy Queen, and Prince spaghetti. Who's the next royal ********** who will make us big and fat?"
2007-07-16 20:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by gnomelight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are just putting us on, or imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain
"Did I do something wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" - Douglas Adams
"Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire." - Unknown
"Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about." - Mark Twain
Srry, that's all I can come up with at the moment. I'm looking forward to what other people bring to the table.
2007-07-16 12:58:47 · answer #4 · answered by Independence_Individuality 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles u.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.- mark twain
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. - einstien
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. winston churchill
a man will spend $2 for a $1 thing which he needs and a woman will spend $1 for a $2 dollar thing which she doesnt need
2007-07-15 23:49:15 · answer #5 · answered by confusions 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? oooooh and the Jack Handey quotes "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face." and "To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad." freaking hilarious.
http://www.brainofbrian.com - you might appreciate this site
2007-07-16 09:04:40 · answer #6 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice. --Bill Cosby
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. --Dale Carnegie
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
-- W.C. Fields
2007-07-15 12:12:21 · answer #7 · answered by WiseRabbit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."
-- Paul Beatty
This gets me everytime. I can't even express how often I see people I'd just like to flip the trap door on!
2007-07-15 12:07:07 · answer #8 · answered by T the D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a penny, pick it up. And all day long you'll have one cent.
. . .
If, at first, you don't succeed -- skydiving's not for you.
2007-07-15 18:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by No Photo Available 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
2007-07-15 12:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by Danuta B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋