she was cheating - i found texts and emails? Wants to come back?

Question

I found dirty texts on her fone to and from a guy she had saved on her fone as a female.She says texts were just 'flirting' and nothing more .Found emails from same guy - one showing torsos of white male on top of black girl and i know its her - she denied knowing of the emails until i grabbed her phone and found texts from same guy.she says she is sorry it wuz just a mistake and wants to come back.I strongly want to have nothing to do with her anymore - ps we own a house and some land together abroad unfortunately.her behaviour towards me changed past three months - no sex no intimacy silly arguments etc oh and i dont care if she reads this and knows its her im on about. I am hurt terribly and so much in pain and confusion.

How do i deal with this?

oh BTW we been together five years and i wuz about to propose when i found out!!!

..and i kicked her out of our shared flat..she wont tell anyone where she is staying and is suspect she is with her new man....But then why beg me to take her back ? perhaps the grass is not greener after all.She is diabetic (type 1) and i used to cater for her every need...

Answer 1

when someone hurts you, they take power from you. and if you dont forgive them, they keep the power.

forgive her, forgive yourself,then move on. because if you dont then you wont be able to move on. you'll keep hating her for what she did to you, keep being hurt and blaming her for being the cause for failing relationships later on.

sort out what has to be sorted out with her, then move. am sure you deserve someone better who will treat you right.

Answer 2

I know how fustrating it when you've been hurt and you're confused. Ok, the fact she's denied it and saved it as a girl leans towards the fact she was enjoying it and wanted to continue with it. She wants to come back probably because she has either nowhere else to go or she sees you as an easy ride. OR she genuinely could be sorry and it really was a mistake which she regrets. You, in your heart, will know the answer. The fact you've said you don't care if she reads it and you want nothing to do with her basically sums up your question! Only you know how to deal with it - some people can just have nothing more to do with them, others (like me) are no where near that simple and will pine for the other no matter what they've done. It's so hard to make a decision but only you know your relationship and your ex like you do and based on this, you will need to make a decision. Whether so accept her back and forgive and forget, or move on with your life and forget her. It may take some time but you need to make a deicision, think it through in your head, write down all the pros and cons of getting back together but untimately, only you can make the decision. I hope you get through this difficult time :)

Answer 3

Sorry, this lady has really hurt you.If you dont want anything to do with her then you have to move on, be best to sell the house and land or buy out her share if you can afford to. You could give her a second chance if you believe she is truly sorry but could you stand the pain of this happening a second time. There isn't any easy way to deal with this sort of pain, i am going through the same myself right now. I have some good days and other days where i just cry. It is getting easier though as the days tick by. GOOD LUCK, hope you never have to go through this again. xx

Answer 4

Once a cheater always a cheater. She says that she will change, she says that she is sorry, but give her a year and she will be doing it all over again. I say sell the house and land and get her out of your life for good! You can find someone that loves you for you, that will never cheat and that will satisfy all of your needs. You do not need someone that is going to treat you this way! I know it hurts to loose a love but, trust me you will be better without her and her cheating ways. Stay strong take all of her pictures down, work on cutting her out of your life, hang out with your friends, travel do somehthing she would never let you do! I think in the end you will find that you are a much happier person! Keep your head up and stay strong hope this helps!

Answer 5

she has to come clean with it, and she isn't, she is still denying it, and in order to be sorry and make amends, and change her ways unfortunately she has to admit it, and acknowledge it. what u describe no sex no intimacy means she was seeing another person, and picked arguments so she could justify her actions towards u and not take the blame. yes your hurt, u should be because u loved her and believed in her, and thought u would be spending the rest of your life with her, but don't count on it, u really need to sell the property, split it with her, and get away from her, since se can't be honest and upfront with u, and wants to still deny it in spite of the proof u have. u deal with it by leaving the relationship, and not going back no matter what she says. when relationships go bad they really do, and theres nothing anyone can do, because u will never treasure her the way u use to, nor will u ever feel loved by her again.

Answer 6

well how long have you guys been together?Since you don't have children together i say that you move on or take a break for a short while,ya know to give her some time to figure out what she wants and some time for you also to decide if she is worth bringing back into your life,right now you are both confused and need to think it over cause your just talking out of anger and pain,but just tell her that you need some time apart for awhile thats how i would deal with it,and if its meant to be then love always finds it's way and comes back ...Good LucK!!!

Answer 7

sorry to hear how much she has hurt you. the main thing now is to look after yourself. it sounds like you both need to divide the house and land between you and go separate ways.trying getting advice from a legal person about the house and land abroad if things get messy.

it is obvious you don't wish to be with her anymore and prolonging the inevitable is only going to cause you more pain. good luck.

it's true what they say - it takes time, but time is a healer. i hope she hasn't ruined your trust in everyone.

Answer 8

Sell your House, Sell your land abroad and kick her **** out, you deserve better.

Take it from some one that knows all the crap they give about it was a mistake, i never meant to do it. I will never do it again, is crap what they actually mean is......................... I WONT LET YOU CATCH ME AGAIN,.

And every time you argue, you will throw it up in her face anyway so better to move on and find a nice Honest Trusting Partner who deserves your Love.

xxxxx good luck

Answer 9

Girls like to hold on to what's stable during a storm, but when the lightning calms, they'll go back to having a party under the wooden bridge.

All of this means that it sounds like she's a crazy *****, and you're just base. And sorry if that's hurtful for you, but it happened to me, so I know what it's like. Don't deal with it. If you can, be her friend, but not her lover.

Answer 10

Shes indecisive, she doesn't know what she wants. Please don't let her back in, please I'm begging you. I've been there, and it will only cause you so much more pain and agony. Once a cheater always a cheater, as they say. Shes not going to just stop doing what shes doing and change for you. Sure she'll say she will, but she won't. She'll use your acceptance as a weakness, and take advantage of you all over again. Just let her go.

Answer 11

Hmm, would you want her to dump you when she catches you? if not, then get over it...
Women are the same as men, they lie cheat and get up to all sorts while they can get away with it... Remember always, when a married man has an affair, its 99/100 with a woman - so they are just as guilty as us....

Or is it guilt? who said we should only have one partner our whole lives? The church to keep the working classes downtrodden I suppose.. whilst they had their mistresses in the vatican as well!!