jealousy over boyfriend's ex-wife?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. He is warm and caring toward me. He was divorced shortly before we met. He never talks about his ex-wife, however, I have asked about her. We have talked about her twice. It appears they had an unhappy marriage that ended after four years. She cheated on him and liked to party a lot.
My concern is that I am very jealous about his ex with no reason. I have found pictures of them together in a closet, along with paperwork such as old tax returns and marriage license. I am very embarrassed about my snooping and would never admit it to anyone. I also found her on myspace and contacted her with an alias. When she responded I felt guilty and ended correspondence right away. One interesting thing that resulted from this was that I realized she was a nice person and that we had a lot of common. I should feel good about this. Still, my jealousy persists.

I would appreciate any advice as to how to deal with this. Thank you

Answer 1

I wouldnt worry about it - I think its just natural to feel this way. We dont like to think of the ones we love and adore with other women; however just keep it at bay and try to realise that this was part of his past and makes him the man that he is today. Its natural for him not to want to talk about it with you - it was between him and his ex.

Try to focus on the good things instead.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I know it's hard, but you're not helping yourself by finding out information about her or what she's like. You're making this worse for yourself and this could potentially damage your relationship. How did you find her on Myspace anyway? Please tell you did not go looking for this woman?!?!?! I think you should just appreciate the fact the you have a man who is standing by you and leave it at that. She may seem like a nice person NOW because she DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!! What if she finds out that you are dating her exhusband. You dont how she would react to that kind of news. Your boyfriend probably doesnt talk about her often because he has memories that he is trying to forget!!! But if you think about it, there are something's about your boyfriend's past relationship that just dont need to be said. The things you are doing now, I'm pretty sure that if your boyfriend found out, he would think that you did not trust him or the things he's told you!! As hard as it may seem, YOU HAVE TO LET THAT GO!!! Try and direct your concentration on your relationship with you and your boyfriend, not you, your boyfriend and his exwife!!!! If they dont communicate and he doesn't give you a reason not to trust him, then stop snooping around!!! Im pretty sure you wouldn't like it if he did that to you!!!!


Be Strong, Girl!!!
Take Care

Answer 4

I doubt she will do any thing, She threatened your boyfriend that she is going to hang her self and her daughter? But did she?? Nopee. And your boss cant fire you becoz some rumor, because the truth is. have you tryed it with any one in your work place? Do you act or dress slutty in your work place? ( dont worry about if you have had relation ships, thats different) If yu have then he might start suppecting things, but if you havent he cant do nothing about it any way, And he hasent got a good enough reason to fire you, you cant get fired for nothing, you have to do something to get fired " eg , lack of work, doing the work wrong" things like that im sure you know. You cant get fired becoz of a rumor. I say right back to her, and tell her " i didnt know him, i only met him ... mounths ago and you broke up ... months ago, so that proovs i didnt know him and i didnt break you up. You thretend to kill yourself do you think he was happy with that responsbilitly? no thats why he left you, you was stressing him out, he wasent happy" something like that, make her realise its her falt and not yours. Dont be scared im sure if she comes to your house to fight you or somehting your boyfriend will protect you, and if he left her why would he go back to her? he left her for a reason. he Obvusly knows she is a nut case.

Answer 5

well,its hard to give u some good advice,but if he doesnt want to talk about her,then it is better not to ask him,he has his reasons,maybe he'll tell u later...u cant be sure if he is telling the truth about her,so be careful.jealousy is a bad and strong thing so just try to have it in ur had that he is with u now

Answer 6

Instead of being jealous, just be thankful. Her loss is your gain! Snooping is definately wrong. He gives you no reason to distrust him and has a right to his mementos and to his privacy. If he catches you doing this, you're going to lose the way he looks at you. Just be happy and secure :)

Answer 7

i used to be the same way, snooping and jealousy.. the whole nine yards... one thing that helped me was that i had to realize that it was ME that was doing this, nothing was interfering with the fact that i was snooping around. i had to stop everything i was doing (i would deliberately look at pictures of my ex boyfriend's ex girlfriends just to see what they looked like in comparison with me...for no reason at all!) i would just stop doing everything that consisted 'them' and then after a few weeks it stopped bothering me. i had no reason to think about them as i had not seen anything that had to do with them. it helped me out alot.. and then later i would find myself not even noticing their existence.. even though my then-boyfriend and i are broken up now it taught me a valuable lesson




p.s looking at other peoples comments, don't let them tell you his ex-wife is none of your business.. if it bothers you it IS your business

Answer 8

at times i can be extreamly jealous over my boyfriends first girlfriend that was serious.
because they had pretty much everything together, she was his first everything.. and to add on to that shes GORGEOUS. and even though i don't like the fact that they were together for so long and he was "in love" with her.. it still kills me inside.. but something that's working for me.. is that i just remember that i'm the one that he's with.. and not her.. and if he really wanted to be with her.. he would be. just try and remember that, and if you're to the point where you can't take it anymore.. than talk to him about it.
jealousy is horrible..

good luck hun =]

Answer 9

Stop it right away cause you will hurt your relationship between your bf and you. Try to stay away from her too cause it'll definitely hurt your relationship with him. Just trust him there's no reason why you should be jealous. He's with you and that's what matters.

Answer 10

Relax. It sounds like he's over her. There's a reason why she's the ex & you're the current girlfriend!