If you've been abused by others, could you please let us know what's helped you deal with your feelings on it?

Answer 1

Getting away from the violent person / relationship helped.

Emotional support of family, friend and counselor helped.

A new love and a new marriage helped.

Moving half-way across the country helped.

Having my memory "close and not recall those violent years" helped me to get on with my life, but it did not help me to deal wiith my feelings. It only delayed it a number of years, until some of the intense memories returned.

Not being able to talk openly or ask questions about the abuse I received was damaging.

Working with a Christian Counselor, being heard, being believed, being prayed for and guided toward healing ....
was about the most difficult thing I've done .... but it was also the most helpful of all in dealing with my feelings.

Reading the book and being part of a counseling group called "The Wounded Heart" (author Dan Allendar) literally saved me from suicide .... when I recalled and emotionally reacted to the memories of the rapes I endured. This author has a depth of both understanding of the mind, the body, of relationships, and he also understands how God works in or hearts and minds to heal us.

Reading my Bible and prayer both during the abuse, and during my times of healing has been of immense help in dealing with my feelings.

Answer 2

I was victim of incest at age 10 going on 11, (my real dad). He served a whopping 4 years for repeatably raping me day after day for 8 months. I made the decision that he took my childhood and innocence, but I would be damned if he took my adulthood as well, I can control that.
You see, as a person, you have to decide what controls you and what you control. i.e. A bully can only bully you if you allow it; stand up to them and they go elsewhere. I had to make that decision; come to that crossroad, and choose my path. Now today at 36, I am married with 2 great kids that I am ever more aware how many sickos are out there. I watch them closely, but don't smother. I consider myself stronger and smarter because of what happened to me.

Answer 3

My first step was to talk about it but I think my husband got tired of hearing about it. I was thinking about it all the time, every day. I decided to confront my abuser who was actually my mother who abused me my whole childhood both physically and emotionally. I think the emotional abuse caused more harm than the physical. I couldn't confront her in person because I always forget what to say and she is so unstable she would just blow her cork and not listen and throw it back at me anyway. So I sat down and wrote a heartfelt letter. It was not out of anger and not written to hurt her but it was from the heart. I told her what her abuse did to me and reminded her of what she did and how it made me feel. It was very healing to me just to get it down on paper. It took me 5 hours to write it and I did a damn good job. The next problem I had was whether or not to mail it to her. I sat on it for a few day, thinking of her reaction. I knew she would be angry, that's what she does, but I also realized that I had to do this for me. I had to do this for that poor little kid who had no voice, who went to bed every night hoping she would die in her sleep, who lived in fear, who felt unloved. I had to do it for her. I decided that I would send the letter, and whatever the consequences were I would accept that. I would accept the fact that this could end the relationship for good. I was OK with that, in fact I think I was kindof hoping that would happen, it would be easier anyway. We still didn't have a good relationship, she might have thought so but not me. I would just pretend to like her to keep the peace but honestly I couldn't stand her. I think I was still afraid of her in a way, I would never disagree with her because she would go mental! So I would just sit there and agree with her when she told me what a great mother she was or that she never spanked her kids and the anger would keep growing inside. So I mailed the letter and yes she blew her cork, sent me all kinds of nasty e-mails. How could you treat your mother like this? You're a liar. You need professional help. You're immature. It got really ugly but I kept my cool knowing that I did nothing wrong. I told her all I wanted was for her to apologize or admit she hurt me. I guess that was too much to ask, she would rather walk away from her daughter so that's what happened. And I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Am I wrong for feeling this way? To disown my own mother, some say so but my heart says no. Don't judge a man (or woman) until you've walked in his shoes. And I will never totally get over the hurt but it gets better after time. Child abuse scars kids for life, please don't hurt your children! I have 2 awesome kids now and never spank/hit them. I tell them I love them everyday and even though my 11 year old hates it now, they get lots of hugs and kisses! My mother thinks I spoil them, but is love the same as spoiling? She is not in our lives right now and it is sad for her but I will not let her hurt me and my family anymore. I am over the anger and the guilt. I am having a great life now and could not be happier, I have changed my attitude from negative to positive and surround myself with positive people. Life is what you make it. If you are being abused tell someone about it, that was my only mistake so I had to live with it for 18 years. This happened 20 years ago, and I honestly don't know what would have been done about it. People turned a blind eye to this sort of thing so I was afraid to tell because I would get it worse if she found out. But nowadays something will be done about child abuse so tell!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I was "abused" by society's standard, but not by mine. I enjoyed the "attention". I decided society was immature to think a girl becomes sexual magically at the age of 18.

Answer 5

Getting away from it just helps me. Talking about it is too uncomfortable