hi...i'm a 23 yr old woman. i had an affair wid this guy when i was 17. he's 5 yrs older. but we broke up and then things changed and he married my elder sister. she's his age. they've been married for 3 yrs now and have a cute baby daughter. me n my bro-in-law have really put all our past behind and we r now a very happy family...at least i thought so. my sister's being very sarcastic wid me these days all of a sudded. the other day we (me n my sis) were having a discussion on something and the topic of sex was broached. it was just a light hearted conversation and suddenly she brought up her husband's name and then was like,"why am i telling? u know him better, don't u?" i was shocked. then again she's said things which have embarrases me. i get the feeling she doesn't even like me being with my niece (her daughter). i'm surprised. i never ever crossed any lines. i don't want to wreak her marriage. why is she being like this? how do i handle the situation?
2007-07-15 05:19:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
idk
2007-07-15 05:22:16 · answer #1 · answered by hotienpink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, I'm the oldest of 6 sisters and I have a feeling I know what the problem is. I'll tell you a really gross example:
In high school, it wasn't unusual for sister 1 and 3 to have feelings for a boy, but there's an unwritten rule not to date the BF's of your other sister's, it's too weird and makes for some really uncomfortable living situations.
Now, I have a brother in law that married sister 2. But in the course of their short 10 year marriage, they've had problems, like any other married couple, and he had short one night stands with sisters 3, 4, & 5. Sister 2 forgave her husband, but she's having a hard time forgiving the other 3 simply because she expected more loyalty from family.
I suspect that your sister is questioning you for any lingering feelings that you may have for her husband because they might be having problems. Another woman who's a stranger, she could deal with. A sister's betrayal runs deep and forever.
Set her down for a talk, tell her you love her and no matter what's going on in either of your lives, you would NEVER hurt her in any way. You have no inappropriate, lingering feelings at all for her husband, you would never cross that line. Whether she believes you or not is up to her, but I think she needs to HEAR it from you anyway.
I've watched my sister's tear each other apart over this no good brother in law, he's never been worth it.
2007-07-15 05:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the one that needs to handle anything. Obviously, you sister and the new brother in law, should have discussed these issues prior to the marriage. What the heck was your sister thinking dating and or marrying anyone that has been with her sister. Sounds to me as though she is the one with the issues and she needs to deal with it.... How very sad, there are so many men in the world, one could not pay me to have a relationship with one that has been with anyone of my family member and especially a sister. Oh my! What tangled webs we weave... Good luck and God bless****
2007-07-15 05:56:59 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is make it perfectly clear to you sister that you have no desire/intention to be with her hubby anymore. Explain that this is something that happened in the past and both of you have buried it and moved on.
Remind her that she was not in the picture when this happened and you would never do anything to cause her never to be able to trust you again. Tell her that if she can't get over this, then you will make it a point not to be around...she will miss you!
If she doesn't get over this, it will cause you and your sister problems in the future.
2007-07-15 05:30:39 · answer #4 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she needs to stop being insecure about that. Also tell her that he married her. I mean that is the most obvious thing, but sometimes people will just forget or something like that I guess. It is just kind of like a reminder.
2007-07-15 05:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by RickG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is called "you make your bed, then you must lay down in it". Im sorry. This is likely the first biggie of many in life where a poor choice earlier comes back to bite you in the butt.
He may talk about you in his sleep. He may have had a Freudian slip, and called her by your name. That would pierce her heart, and you would never know it happened.
There are 3 big time-barriers in the durability of a marriage. Many divorces happen at years 2, 5, and 7. Most of the 5-year divorces are the ones that have kids. Trouble at year three says they are starting in on the 5-year barrier.
Its likely their marriage is starting to get rocky. Without the right equipment to keep it together on the inside, and with the right sorts of forces from the outside, it can be made to crash.
I think your sister is striking out (justly) in fear. Its just because you were "the other girl" with the man who is her husband and the father of her children. She is justly jealous, and considering all the women on Jerry and Maury many worse things have happend in relationships. It happens all the time.
I know you are not doing anything. Your sister needs you to be there for her.
1) Do the things that prove to your sister that you are above board.
2) Dont eject from helping her out, but do find out where she is uncomfortable and be there to support her.
You want her to think of you as someone who helped save her marriage and get her through a rocky time, or someone who was truly there for me in a very hard time. You dont want her to think of you as the lead-weight when she is trying to stay afloat in a stormy sea. Its likely she is just trying to keep her head above water.
I would buy her three books. They are truly great books on marriage. They have saved hundreds of thousands or even millions of marriages.
1) His needs, her needs - how to affair-proof your marriage
2) How to fight for your marriage
3) the five love languages.
I know a dozen great relationships where the couple told me and my sweetie "read this, it helped us" and it was always either #1 or #2. We try and give the books out, but most people are resistant to it, until they read the cream puff #3.
Here are the links on amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800717880
http://www.amazon.com/Lasting-Promise-Christian-Fighting-Marriage/dp/0787939838/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-3887165-0572721?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184516993&sr=1-1
Half of all marriages end in divorce.
90% of all divorces are aggravated by fiscal issues.
A great way to give the couple a chance to get ahold of their finances is going through a 1 semester, one evening a week training class. We went through it and it was awesome!
http://www.crown.org/ForChurch/Solutions/SmallGroups/SmallGroupStudyMain.aspx
2007-07-15 05:37:28 · answer #6 · answered by Curly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would get all three of you together and clear the air. But after that you will have to be careful that there is not even the appearance of something going on.
She knew it when she married him, she needs to get over it.
2007-07-15 05:24:53 · answer #7 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you tell your sister ,. you do not know what her problem is..but it was six yrs ago..that you dated..her now husband. she knew this when she married him... you have and he has never crossed line ... and you are not going to be rediculed. period. now if she has some issues..tell her to deal with it. but do not include you. then make sure you continue to be in the right.
2007-07-15 05:25:57 · answer #8 · answered by foosieboy1953 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you move out and have nothing more to do with them i mean it sounds as though she likes to see you get riled . Just let it go in one ear and out the other or move one of the two will have to be done . good luck .
2007-07-15 05:23:53 · answer #9 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this doesnt marvel me she feels threatened reason you adult adult males have a historic previous sit down her down and have a communicate along with her to debate what bothers her and reassure her you adult adult males have not any emotions for one greater in any respect....
2016-09-30 01:17:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shuould not disturb them
2007-07-15 05:24:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋