My nine year old daughter is driving me crazy! Can someone help?

Question

My daughter is complaining today about her shorts. She has worn these shorts before and has decided today that they 'feel crooked and look like boy shorts' and is now pitching a fit. Now, usually I would just let her change but I feel I have to put my foot down at this point. I have taken her shopping and tried on clothes and shoes that we get home and she wears once and then complains they don't fit. For instance: We bought her black shoes that she wore once and then decided they were to big. Not too small, too big. This is becoming more and more of a problem and I feel that at some point I have to stop the cycle. She is now stomping her feet around the house and is angry. I asked her to just give the shorts a few more minutes to see if they will feel more comfortable and she is now pouting in her room. Again, she has worn these before and I don't see what the problem is except her being a stinker. I run this house, not the 9yr old. Any advice?

Wow...thanks everyone. I feel much better about my decision to stand my ground. Just an update...she has decided to wear the shorts and stop pouting. I can only imagine what trials are to come. I have three girls 5,7,9.

Again I want to thank everyone who responded with a positive answer. As usual I received the token 'it's my fault she is acting like this today' response and of course the 'put on tight jeans yourself' suggestion. It is now supper time and she has worn the shorts all day without one more comment about them. I am glad I put my foot down with this one. I like to choose my battles and this one was worth fighting.

I can never understand those people who begin to blame me for my daughter's decision to pout today. All children pout and misbehave from time to time regardless of how you raise them...I would be more concerned if they didn't challenge authority at some point.

Thanks again everyone! Victory is mine this time!

Answer 1

I feel for you! My girls are 7 and 9 yrs old. I go through the same thing as you. My 9 yr old has the same issue with clothes all the time. It seems the older they get the more they become picky about what they wear. Between shoes and clothes I give up. Most of what she has that she complains about is from Grandma whom seems to buy her things that are sort of babyish as I would say too. As they grow up they become aware of style and how others see them. As I have tried to tell my daughter that she is to young to need to worry about that right now. It is a phase all girls go through now these days! Good Luck and yes putting your foot down is the way to go for this!! it helps to a point!!

Answer 2

This is where you have to pick your battles. I would not force her to wear the shorts. Some days things feel different, and she should have a little independence. You can also add some responsibilities to this. Teach her how to do her own laundry, and how to fold it.

Get yourself a pair of nice, slightly tight fitting jeans, then see how comfortable they are that time of the month. My 2 and 6 year olds pick out their clothes every day. To make my life easier, I hang everything in outfits, so they don't spend half the morning picking out a matching piece. My 2 year old wears tee shirts with cars, or trucks everyday, he just chooses different colored pants. My 6 (almost 7) year old is very sensitive to clothes. When we go clothes shopping, she tells me what type of outfit she wants, and I pick it. I have to make sure the shirt is tagless, or easy to cut out, she doesn't wear jeans and only wears pants 2 days per week for gym. She wears dresses or skirts with thick cotton tights in the winter. It may seem difficult, but crooked shorts can be a distraction all day, even if she wore them 2 days ago, today is a new day.

Both of mine also help with the laundry, and packing their lunches. My daughter does her homework where ever she feels as long as it is done neat and in a timely fashion. Her bit of freedom is being able to wear an outfit that she's in the mood to wear. And I run this house, I am the parent, but I let them have their freedom as I see fitting.

Answer 3

Now that the problem is solved apparently, I'll just say, BE FIRM with her. Not mean, but firm. You'd be amazed how they will respond when they know you mean what you say. Her brain is pretty much fixed now at 13, so if you did ok in bringing her up in the early years she'll be fine. Essentially the problem some young people have is that they've been taught that the world revolves around them. That comes from passive parenting and parents wanting to be friends or trying to always make them happy. Being firm, some might say strict, providing discipline teaches them that the world DOES NOT revolve around them but that they are players in a bigger picture. It's right at this age, 13, that is so critical because suddenly their world becomes much bigger and they interact with far more people than just a few years ago. The world they now interact in doesn't give in to their every whim, isn't overly concerned with them as one individual, so the reaction to that can be very poor if they've been taught they are the center of the universe. I do wish you the best of luck.

Mistake: "Johnny are you ready to go?"
Correct: "Johnny come with me."

Answer 4

Just Take Her To the Store And Say To Her To Pick 4 or 5 Outfits And be Serious That They Have To Fit And She Has To Like them for A Long Time Or You'll Take All Her Clothes Away, It Worked for My niece, Now She's 11 And Her Problem Stopped.

Answer 5

This isn't about shorts--or about how her clothes fit.
I think it's about a couple of things: 1) wanting quality time with you, and 2) concern about her body image.

The latter goes with the age and doesn't stop for some women EVER. What to do? You must teach her that she is valuable and loveable regardless of her outside appearance. Find activites that bring out her talents and encourage those things. Fund art lessons, scouts or soccer club, for instance, instead of new apparel. Girls have to discover their worth in what is real and permanent--and valuing appearance at the expense of the other is dangerous for all of us.

Now the second thing: wanting time and attention from you. Spending time with your daughter is one way to teach her that she is valuable and loveable. BUT DO NOT GIVE HER TIME AND ATTENTION FOR THROWING FITS. Don't even engage in discussions about her complaints except to say simply that you've spent your budget for her clothes at this time. Period.

Pouting in her room is fine. But make sure there no access to phone, TV or internet in her room or she'll isolate herself from you and the rest of the family. You are coming into the teen years and some separation is natural and appropriate then, but now is your last chance to show that you are in charge. And that you care about her.

You say "I run this house" but your actions say otherwise. When you ask her to "give the shorts a few minutes," you are giving her permission to be in charge. Do not argue with her. Say the discussion is over/that her complaining (not HER) is making you too angry to want to be around her, and she should go to her room until her mood is better.

You are the parent, in charge and responsible for keeping her from being a spoiled, self-centered person. Think of her trying to create a successful marriage in the future with the kind of behavior she exhibits now.

Instead find things to do together--BESIDES shopping trips. First, do you have family meals around the dinner table? Start there. Then find a movie, a game, or a class you can do together. Chaperone her field trips. Combine those events with a stop for a bite to eat or drink afterwards--but NOT if her behavior is bad. Be firm.

Give attention and time to promote her good behavior. Do not engage in her bad behavior.

Good luck!

Answer 6

typical female, huh ??? I'm glad I have boys, but, I think I would just lay 2 or 3 choices on her bed, let her choose, and be done with it. If that's not good enough, take away a privelege or something she likes to do, for a short amount of time. There's too much in a day, to be sweating the small stuff !

Answer 7

Hahaha. Sorry to laugh but your little baby is becoming a woman! LOL. I know you think puberty is a long way off but those hormones are working already!!!!! My oldest is 15 and she was a beast from 12 - 13 years old! 9 is about when it starts! It will get worse before it gets better. Go to the library and get some books on teens and pre teens and good luck!

Answer 8

I'd take her shopping at specified times during the year (not letting her get things whenever something catches her eye). Then, she's got her clothes, she's tried them on before you bought them, and that's what she's got to wear. If she wants to favor something over something else, fine. I wouldn't fight these shorts. I just wouldn't buy her anything else until it's time. My mother used to take me shopping once before school started, for all my school clothes, and maybe once in the spring for some summer stuff, and that was it.

Answer 9

I know this answer will probably not give me 10 points and best answer or even a thumbs up.......but the way i see it (and yes i am a father of 4 children, 3 boys and 1 girl) Children learn what they live or putting it another way children are a by product of there environment. I am not trying to point fingers, but if there are other adults that could influence this sort of behavior in a child especially a child this young. Children are not stupid and they watch every move we make, if we as adults/parents drink then guess what the child will more then likely learn to drink and think its cool, if we as parents argue amongst each other constantly then you better prepare yourself when your child reaches puberty and adolescence because they are going to be pretty argumentative also.

Answer 10

Take one of her friends shopping with you - her friend can tell her if something is good or not - it's not like your daughter will listen to you, right?!

For now, let her pout! And ignore her whining, offer to discuss things when she can talk to you in a reasonable manner (although I suspect you have already done this!).