i am very upset as we have set a date for our wedding now. we dont have very much money, however my father is quite well off. he has been with his girlfriend for 10 years now and she doesnt want my father to pay for the wedding. i believe that it is for selfish reasons as she is very materialistic and probably has ideas of her own how to spend my dads money. i really dont know how to approach this subject as it seems my dad is brainwashed by her. i am his only daughter and i dont have unrealistic expectations for the budget, the average uk wedding costs 14,000 pounds. and i would be well in budget with that. please has anybody got any ideas on what i can do?
2007-07-15 03:22:45 · 20 answers · asked by pom pom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Either get ur dad alone, take a deep breath and talk to him about it. Maybe you will come to a compromise. Or.. just make the wedding a lot smaller. You need to ralize that as long as your married and your with your husband, thats all that matters, not a big wedding or having all these people there to celebrate it. 10 years from now, it will all just be faded memories for those people, but as long as you still have the love of your life, thats whats important. good luck to you =)
2007-07-15 03:29:10 · answer #1 · answered by afireinsidexxx77 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I both married late compared to most couples. He was 40 and I was 36, and neither side of our families had much money. We ended up paying for mostly everything, and I went a little overboard on things and looking back I wouldn't have done half of these things. My parents contributed $3000 for the reception and had my shower.
My sister married 10 years before me and received more money from my parents. I guess what I'm saying is even if you had a sibling you wouldn't be sure what to expect. Maybe you can divide the expense in 3 ways, your side of the family, his side of the family and the happy couple. Then your father and his GF won't feel the expense is only on them.
My Inlaws would mention to me who will be paying for the wedding, because in the South Indian culture the brides side pays for everything. In my culture the groom pays for everything. So all this traditions is not the same as it was 100's of years ago. Martha Stewart was not dictating to ancient civilization on what's the ideal wedding etc.
Talk to your father, and see if the 3 way option is appealing. Good Luck.
Edit- Oh my gosh!! I just read a post on the conversion to US dollar and I can't believe your expecting close to $30,000 from your father. Tisk tisk...
2007-07-15 04:50:54 · answer #2 · answered by Lyla 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You don't say how old you are....or if this is your first wedding.
My humble opinion is if you are over 30 (or on your second plus wedding) you ought to pay for it yourself.
The reason why parents help out is the couple is usually young and has no assets to pay for it. The wedding would be outside a convenience store with the party pak snacks as hor’dourves otherwise.
If you are in your 30s, you should have some money put aside, and if you're a glutton for punishment and getting married again, the same thing.
I'm in my thirties and I wouldn't want my parents or in-laws paying for anything in the wedding. That window has closed.
If it is your first wedding and you're young, I'd just ask your father why. He has to have a reason, not just because his girlfriend doesn't think he should.
2007-07-15 03:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get the both of them together to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Explain to your dad that it would make your day even more special if he could help with the plans. Let his girlfriend know that with his and her help,things would run much smoother and would take alot of the stress off of you when you know you are getting help. It doesn't mean that you will take precious time away from them as a couple but that you may ask your father to accompany you to a store or to help find something for the man in your life.
Take away any thoughts of money and the issue will not resurface. Reassure the both of them that it is not all about money but that their opinions matter and that a little extra help (money) can go a long way.
2007-07-15 04:00:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why should he?
If he wants to, tell her to back off!
If he doesnt want to... well in this day and age, why should he.. though if you then invite her and she sl*gs u off... Dig her one!
£14000 eh? well my 1st marriage cost me £1000 all in.. proper church, reception in a hall with a very old church priory in it and horses in the fields
i got married this monday 9/07 and we paid in total about £650 or so for the whole day!
Go to charity shops... so many have been given brand new dresses that are last seasons and they sell for £30 - 150.
I got an Alfred Angelo bridesmaid dress for £6
my shoes, brand new proper wedding ones £3.
BHS and Debenhams (UK) have just had sales on in bridal wear and you can also get very nice dresses there that would pass fora wedding dress. Suit hire is £65 - 85 and who says everyone has to have 4/5 bridesmaids, pageboys and 6 ushers?
Everyone has digital cameras and you probably find that you get better pictures.
WE asked the local pub to do a buffet for £120 and had a great time.
By the way, I left home at 15 and everything I have is my own blood, sweat and tears... not even my fellas!!
So, change of heart girlfriend?
you can do it, and show them!
Good Luck!!
2007-07-15 04:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by angi zefi 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Pull your dad aside and talk to him privately about this matter. If your father wants to pay, he has all the right to. His Girlfriend (key word, not wife/Fi) has no say in how he spends his money. It sounds as if your father has had this since before getting together with her.
I would pull him aside. Make a point that you feel that his girlfriend is being unreasonable and that you feel she has no place in this matter. She truly doesn't. Make a point that you would hate to see the family arguing other money at such a happy time.
I'm not saying you should push your dad for the money. But, if you know the only reason he has not given it to you, is b/c of her. You need to address that quickly.
Do not talk about the wedding around her. Set up a time to meet w/ your father privately. Ask him not to discuss the wedding money w/ his girlfriend.
In all honesty, she sounds jealous. Not saying anything bad about your father, but 10 years is a long time to be together and not married. Perhaps she is jealous that the money is not going towards HER wedding.
2007-07-15 03:30:12 · answer #6 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The only thing to do is to talk to your dad one on one about this situation. The girlfriend has no right to decide how your dad should spend his money. Just tell him that you aren't expecting for him to give a lot you just need a little bit for the wedding.
2007-07-15 07:20:08 · answer #7 · answered by TJ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you. Your dad's girlfriend really just wants to spend the money herself. It is quite common for the dad to pay some for the wedding. Keep in mind though that you will be getting thousands of dollars for wedding gifts. So don't worry too much.
2007-07-15 03:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by Karasu 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You better hope your dad is strong enough to stand up to his girlfriend -- but it doesn't sound like it. And, she is the one he's sleeping with so...
Take him out to lunch (alone) -- tell him you're planning your wedding and are hoping for (guests, place, etc.) .... You're wondering if he wants to contribute anything. If not, I guess you have to get over it, and have something smaller. As adults, we have to face the fact that our parents might not be willing to pay for this. Especially with compounding factors involved.
2007-07-15 05:50:10 · answer #9 · answered by mj 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you are going to have to sit down with dad and discuss finances. You need to know exactly how much money you're going to have BEFORE you plan your wedding.
2007-07-15 04:16:18 · answer #10 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋