my brother has had a pretty rough life, and now lives with his girlfriend and her 3 year old son and their newborn daughter....but he has a serious drinking problem and gets really violent whenever he's drunk (which is 3 or 4 times a week) and beats-up his girlfriend in front of the kids. I told her she should throw him out, but he literally has nowhere to go and would be on the streets.....no hostels will take him anymore. But then she told me that he told her he thinks he's having a break-down and he was crying and he'd tried to hang himself from the stair banister with a rope......I don't know what to do, but I feel so helpless.
If they carry on, one of them is going to end up dead....im so worried :-(
2007-07-15 01:51:32 · 12 answers · asked by Danielle D 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
he wouldn't accept professional help, because he would never be able to admit he's got a problem....this has been going on for 8 years now and it seems to be getting worse, also I've had a big argument with him recently and he wouldn't talk to me.....(and would probably beat-up his girlfriend if he knew she'd told me)
2007-07-15 02:01:52 · update #1
I’m so sorry for your feeling of helplessness. I wish that I had the correct words to make all your worries go away!! Your brother and his girlfriend are very fortunate to have someone care as you do!
Yes, she does need to get away from his violent temper!!! Not only will this have detrimental repercussions on her, but ALSO the CHILDREN!!! He DEFINITELY needs psychological help IMMEDIATELY.
You are correct, someone is going to be injured in this situation. This is why the families/friends need to step forward and intervene with support. Alcoholism is a disease and alcohol is a depressant. NOT A GOOD COMBINATION! BUT, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”.
What I don’t understand, is why she has not called the police regarding the beatings. If the law intervened, that opens a gateway of hope for help them! Your brother’s girlfriend needs to STOP and THINK of her children’s well-being, and your brother definitely needs psychological help before it’s too late. By her reporting the physical abuse, she will in the long run be helping him. Though it sure may not feel like it at that time. This is a serious problem all around, that needs serious help.
As far as where he would live if she threw him out . . . Aren’t there any homeless shelters in your area? Depending on the facility, he would receive help for his illness.
His girlfriend is putting her children in danger. If Child Protective Services would learn of the physical abuse (even though it’s not being done to them) they could VERY WELL remove them from her custody.
This is a sad and bad situation no matter how you look at it. SOMEONE needs to step up to the plate and intervene ASAP. It appears to me, that this person is his girlfriend. She should have called the police when he tried to hang himself, and called them when he has beaten her. She probably feels that if she does that she is betraying him . . . BUT SHE IS NOT, SHE IS SAVING HIS, HER’S OR THEIR CHILDREN’S LIVES!!!
Unfortunately YOU cannot control this situation and you should NOT feel that all the burden of repairing it falls on you! I hope that my advise has given you even just the slightest help. My thoughts are with you, your brother and his girlfriend and children.
2007-07-15 03:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by Two Feather 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
He needs to be removed from that house somehow, all to often this type of behavior is dangerous not only to himself but the woman and children, the kids don't have a say in the matter and somebody needs to step up and protect them, can you talk to your parents ?? He should not have a say in the matter get help asap or be put in the slammer. I'm sorry to answer like this but your question hits close to home, because I have seen a situation like this in my life and it ended very tragic. Best Wishes
2007-07-15 02:14:03 · answer #2 · answered by jdydewing 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hi, Danielle. I am so sorry to hear about the plight with your brothers family. Unfortunately, it sounds like tough love is in order for this volatile situation. Abuse of any kind is horrible, but it frustrates me even more knowing the children are observing this behavior. A few weeks or months living on the streets may be the best thing for your brother. He needs to gain a better perspective of what it takes to be a sober partner and father.
Good luck and take care of you!
Dee
2007-07-15 02:04:19 · answer #3 · answered by Dee 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
mabye the only way to get through to him, is when he is in a mental breakdown. when he starts screaming just ask him questions, that he cant answer. example: what are you gonna do when your son a daughter is older and they remember this, and ask you, why did you hurt mommy? , or When you are like this a refuse to get help, what are you doing to your children and wife did they deserve you like this? and questions like that will get him into help if his family means that much more to him. he may be drunk when you do this, but the next day you will remind him and talk to him and say the same things, dont let the wife do it, because she is a victim. and when you say it when he's drunk he will probobly calm down, and think if even for a little bit.
2007-07-15 03:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by mandy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think he needs help. At the very least, counseling. I don't think people really see getting professional help as a viable option till they really do hit bottom. I think all you can do is let him know you're there for him so he knows he can turn to you or his family when he needs it, but he really needs to see that he should be doing whats best hor his kid(s). Whenever its a situation like that the kids take precedence. What should be done is whats best for them, even if it means kicking him out.
2007-07-15 02:35:23 · answer #5 · answered by AD 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First~ do you have a video camera???
Second~ I have been through this so trust me
Hide the camera some whereand tape him in a rage. Then when he is sober show him the video and explain to him what he is doing, it's like an intervetion. Also I know this sounds corny but try and get him to go to AA or another meeting to help him out! If you have any questions go to my profile and email me or IM me
2007-07-15 02:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Baby 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
hey i have been in this position before what needs to happen is that you need to call the local police department and have him brought into a local mental health facility by them they can make him stay there and thats what he needs also you can go to the local court house and have him put in that way via a judge alright good luck email me if you need to
2007-07-15 02:42:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
The Homeopathic Remedy AURUM MET in 30 or 200 potency will cure his Suicidal tenedencies and depression faster then you can say depression. Trust me nothing works better or is more safer then Homeopathic Remedies. Feel free to email me if you need any further help or need to discuss your brothers conditions. To read more about this remedy please click the link below :- http://homeoint.org/books/boericmm/a/aur.htm
Take care and God Bless you.
2007-07-15 01:59:09 · answer #8 · answered by Soul Doctor 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Call the Cops on him.Don't let him get away with hurting anybody, what ever his girl Friend says.Report them to child welfare, the kid is in danger too.Don't stand by and let a tragedy happen.report , report, report...
Maybe he will get help in the system!
2007-07-15 02:22:34 · answer #9 · answered by SHAWN 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Call the relevant authorities: it is a form of child abuse. She should go to a refuge/women's shelter.
2007-07-15 04:22:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋