Wedding reception Help?

Question

I asked yesterday if people thought if i were NOT to invite kids under 12 to my wedding, would the parents not come. I think people thought i didn't know what to do with the kids if they did come but i want to know if the parents won't come if i exlude the kids. Its not like i would have 5 kids i have 20-25 from ages 8-0, i love all the kids but i don't want to listen to babies cry, there are 4 born just this year. Plus its 75 a person.

i know what i could do if i did invite them, but since i'm not a parent i'm not sure if i exlude kids that the parents won't come or think that i'm rude not to invite there children

Answer 1

ok, don't let these people fool you. you do not have to invite kids to the reception. in fact, when i was looking at different venues, the banquet managers were looking forward to no kids at my wedding (except FG,RB).

here are some articles from theknot.com i found:

The discussion of whether to invite children to a wedding always becomes a passionate one. In one corner, you have people (oftentimes with children of their own) who think kids add a certain magic to the atmosphere -- those precious moments otherwise only available at a card store. In the other corner, you have those who feel as though that "magic" is more the black variety -- the screaming, the messing, the ruining. But including kids in your festivities doesn't have to be a horror movie in the making. Follow these guidelines to ensure that your wedding is fun for all ages.

Decide Who's Included
Don't feel as though having kids at your wedding opens it up to everyone under 13. Although it may seem tough to exclude, it's perfectly fine only to invite children who are part of your or your fiance's family -- or those of close family friends. Just because you want your niece at your wedding doesn't mean you must have everyone else's niece. If you let yourself get caught up in the drama of "Why wasn't my child invited?!" you're going to find yourself in a big (and expensive) mess, with every child of every random guest coming out of the woodwork looking for an invitation. Stand strong, and tell people you're sorry you can't include everyone -- that you're trying to limit the guest list.

Knot Note: Don't extend "ceremony only" invitations to children. While you may feel like you're doing the child (or his parents) a favor by including him in something, nothing's worse to a child than seeing other children head off to a party while he has to head home.

Make It Clear Who's Invited
Parents tend to make assumptions about their kids making the list. They assume their kids are or aren't, but either way they often don't ask. So you need to make it abundantly clear who is included. If you are inviting kids, adding the words "and family" to the invitation envelope indicates as much. If you aren't including children but someone RSVPs for theirs, you may be put in the uncomfortable position of calling them to let them know you're sorry but you couldn't invite everyone's children. To avoid hurt feelings if you're having some kids (such as the flower girl and ring bearer) make sure you explain your inviting parameters.

Managing The Kids
If possible, seat all the parents and their children together at one table or at tables close to each other. The quickest way to ruin a single guest's time is to stick them at a table with lots of kids. While it might seem like a good idea to put all the children at a table alone, an unsupervised group of kids is the fastest way to go from elegant reception to kindergarten madness.

Another way to keep the kiddie contingent under control: Hire a chaperone. If you know a teenager or young adult who'd be willing to be a designated adult for a few hours, hire her to keep an eye on things. She'll be less babysitter and more lifeguard -- someone who can take the kids to the bathroom, put a Band-Aid on bumps and bruises, or simply say, "Bobby, please get off the wedding cake."

Offer A Kid's Meal
Be thoughtful when choosing the food you want to serve to the little ones. This isn't the time to be a culinary snob -- most kids will eat only fun foods like little pizzas, chicken fingers, or mini hot dogs, so spare yourself the heartache and extra dollars and forgo the foie gras. For dessert, a make-your-own-sundae bar is always a hit. And since little people have small appetites, you should ask your catering manager for a lower per-person price. Also be sure to ask if the kids can get their food early and quickly -- especially at an evening reception -- since kids eat on a schedule.

Keep Them Entertained
Since children have short attention spans, you may need to create diversions -- a kid-friendly DVD, a few board games, or a couple of Game Boys -- set up in a separate room. You could also prepare goodie bags for them. Arts and crafts stores have great bead sets, drawing kits, and the like. Our advice: Get every boy the same gift and another gift for every girl, if not the same gift for all. You don't want anyone to be fighting over that lone box of scented markers.

Don't Freak Out
Despite the fear that people will instill in you for inviting kids, children do bring instant surprise to a wedding (not to mention a lot of laughs). Keep a sense of humor about having the little ones there: If Isabel can't keep her hands off the cake, don't throw a fit. Instead, laugh and tell the photographer to catch it on film.

-- Joanna Saltz

Guest List: Inviting Kids (or Not)

Worried that inviting the little ones will turn your perfect wedding into a day care nightmare? Before you invite kids, read this.

Deciding whether to make your wedding guest list adults-only can cause as much stress as planning the perfect proposal or choosing a gown. On the one hand, you don't want to seem like the Wicked Witch of the West, but on the other, you're not Mary Poppins, either. The following reasons for inviting and not inviting kids -- plus our tips for making either scenario run smoothly -- should help you make up your mind.

The Kid-Friendly Zone
There are plenty of good things about having tiny wedding guests. Here are a few:

# It's your wedding day and everyone's there to honor your new life together. A marriage ceremony is all about the gathering of family and friends, and having children there will only add to the special meaning of the day.

# Remember when you were a kid how fun it was to dance with Daddy, or how special it was to carry the ring down the aisle? Your wedding, too, can create wonderful memories for kids (and provide them with great stories and props for Show & Tell).

# You're dying to meet your college roommate's four-year-old daughter, but they live across the country. Or, your aunt has only once had the opportunity to spend time with your brother's two kids. If you invite these children to your wedding, everyone can finally enjoy long-overdue introductions and reunions -- not to mention the fact that the children themselves may form lasting friendships with one another.

# If you or your fiance(e) have particularly special children in your lives -- a namesake, nieces and nephews, a godchild -- asking them to be a part of your big day shows them, and all your other guests, how important they are to you.

# If you're a bit shy of the limelight, a cute flower girl or ring bearer can attract guests' attention, maybe taking some of the pressure off of you (even if only in your head!).

Ask your caterer to prepare kid meals so they don't have to eat -- and you don't have to pay for -- grown-up meals.


# If you invite them, you don't have to deal with guests who are upset because you didn't.

Kid-Friendly Tips
# Hire a babysitter to watch them during the ceremony (have him or her sit with small kids in a separate room, if necessary).

# Set up a children's table or room at the reception, complete with favors, crayons, coloring books, small toys, and games.

# Consider hiring special children's entertainment, such as a caricaturist or clown. The performance/activity can even take place in another room.

The Kid-Free Zone
Okay, so there are also some downsides to having little ones as guests. Keep these in mind:

# You want a serious, intimate ceremony and a reception that's a major party. Kids of any age might cramp your style.

# It's your wedding and everyone's there to honor you and your fiance -- the last thing you want is a freckle-faced flower girl stealing all your "oohs" and "aahs." Yes, there is the possibility that your thunder will be stolen (if only temporarily), either as you proceed down the aisle or during the first dance, when some kid screams, rattles toys/keys, or cutely dances with another kid, pulling all eyes off of you. If these scenarios send a chill down your spine, think twice.

# Money doesn't grow on trees, and weddings ain't cheap. Kids can be picky eaters, and keeping them off the guest list avoids wasting costly catered food.

# Most children don't like to (or can't) sit still for any length of time, and when they're forced to, they're prone to throw fits. As such, you run the risk of having your vows disrupted by a screaming toddler or ending up with a wedding video that features five-year-old fighting ninjas.

# Parents may have a better time at the wedding--and stay longer--if they don't have to keep an eye on their kids.

# You can't possibly invite everyone's children, and picking and choosing would offend the parents of those who aren't asked to attend. The best way to avoid ruffling feathers is to not invite any.

Kid-Free Tips
# Make sure the outer and inner envelopes of your invitations are addressed in such a way that it's clear children aren't included ("Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Anderson" as opposed to "The Anderson Family"). If anyone RSVPs with their kids anyway, it's okay to call and gently explain your preference.

# Let close friends and relatives know about your "no children policy" and ask them to spread the word to other guests.

# If out-of-towners are bringing children along for the trip, help them to arrange babysitters at their hotels (many hotels even have a list of recommended sitters).

# Stand your ground and make no exceptions.

If you find yourself firmly decided one way or the other, you know what to do. If you're on the fence, you might want to leave the door open to child guests and let their parents decide whether or not to bring them. Either way, be prepared.

-- Sue Bruskin Clarke


i hope these helped! good luck!

Answer 2

This is YOUR day. You are perfectly fine asking for this to be an all adult wedding and reception. You include that on your invitations and ask for a card to be sent back with how many will be attending. If anyone sends a card back that includes their children in the head count you call them immediately and remind them this is an adult headcount only. Children free wedding and reception.

I have even heard of people who are turned away at the wedding or reception that have ignored the invitation instructions. Just be polite when doing so.

Oh, and it is absolutely incorrect as to whether it is up to those parents if their children come or not. They are guest who are invited and only have say so as to if they decide to show up or not.

People should be grown up acting when invited to an all grown up affair. Period.

Answer 3

Some will, some won't. It's up to you to decide what's more important: having them there or having a child free reception. One option would be to make arrangements for group childcare, maybe a few babysitters and the older kids can help. The parents can drop the kids off, enjoy the wedding and know that they are taken care of. I'm sure that the childcare would be cheaper than the $75 per person and I know that the parents would probably appreciate some time off.

Answer 4

Alot of people I know hire a babysitter, so they can have a relaxing time. I don't think most people would be offended, but you know there is always a couple that will. Some of them might not be able to find a babysitter, so of course they out of respect for you would not come. When you are at the reception, and everyone is talking, band playing, you will be so busy that you probably wouldn't hear alot of babies anyway. Good Luck for you future.

Answer 5

Are you getting married in the same town where your guests live? If so, I see no reason why they would not want to hire a babysitter and enjoy themselves for an evening! Even the ones with babies, might leave the reception early, but why wouldnt they come for a little while?
Of course, there will always be people that selectively read and think things dont apply to them.
It is certainly not rude to not invite kids.

Answer 6

I think you should address the wedding invitation envelopes to "Mr. and Mrs", not "to the family of". No one wants to have 25 kids at their wedding at $75 a plate. So, if you receive back RSVPs with 3 or more, I would suggest making a phone call and ask them directly if they would have a problem with not bringing their children because of your costs. Will this prevent adults from coming, NO. Will it be a sticky situation for you and create some level of grumbling, YES but who cares. It's not like that couple never goes out without their kids to the bar or some other event. My sister had to ask some of her guests with children not to bring the children. And, I did hear some grumbling, but it worked out.

Answer 7

I have 2 little ones of my own, I dont mind when I am invited to adult only weddings, and I dont bring them even when they are invited. This saturday will be the first wedding my oldest daughter attends, and its only because she is the flower girl, if she wasnt we would leave her behind with the grandparents. Weddings are not for children, they arent fun for them, they have a much better time getting spoiled by grandma and grandpa.

Answer 8

A majority of the time children are NOT invited to the wedding and parents do show up. Don't set an age limit, just "no children", this way no one is slighted and everyone can have a wonderful time.

Answer 9

Hi there! as a parent of i sometimes find it rude that my child is excluded out of a invitation considering that they are part of my family the option should be left up to the parents wether they wish to bring there child or not...most reception do not charge $75. for a child under 5 and when my child was under 5 they shared from my plate coming from an italian background there was always plenty of food so they did not have to pay for my kids at all i just asked for an extra seat at the table for them to sit. this is your wedding it is entirely up to you but i think you would feel defirrent about the situation when you start you own family and they get excluded from invitations...

Answer 10

It's very common to only invite the parents these days.

As a parent I take nights like this as a reason to get out & have a good time.

You will probably need to make an exception if the baby is being breastfeed as they need their mum but go for it.

Answer 11

I would just be careful how i said it. like perhaps approching the parents and say this is an adult affair or something of that nature and not that small kids are not allowed you know what i mean. just politly tell them. And depending on the time of day you are having it... you could always say because it will run late or perhaps blame the place that you are having it. example. i had my wedding (i am divorced now however) at a small romantic B&B so i fibbed and said that they dont allow children their because we were serving alcohole. or something like. that....